To ask if anyone HASN'T done the whole Santa and Tooth Fairy thing?

[mrsHawk1ns]

Not saying I won't with my DS's once they're old enough, but was just interested to see if there is anyone out there who hasn't done it, and just been honest from the start that they don't exist?!

I did the whole santa thing until DS aged 6 asked me the direct question "does santa really exist mummy" and I told him the truth . . . . I think it would have totally destroyed his trust in me if I had outright lied to him - how could he ever believe anything I said again if he had asked me a direct question and I lied to his face. I did however caution him to not tell his little sister or his friends, and I agreed with him that we would just play along with the idea because it's a fun part of xmas. I was a bit sad that the game was up with him but he was happy with that explanation and amazingly hasn't told him sister even over a year later.

Urgh, I hate the whole Father Christmas is a LIE thing. It's blowing the whole thing out of proportion. It's magical and I see no problem in having as much magic in childhood as possible. I don't 'lie' to ds (age 6) about FC and the tooth fairy. I do what thousands of parents over the years have done and add a bit of magic and imagination to his life. In the same way we make fairy houses and talk about goblins and elves and all the other magical stuff that I have absolutely NO problem with him believing. If you can't believe in magic when you're a child, when can you believe it?

One of the parents I know told her dds that it wasn't true when they were 3. I kept my fingers firmly crossed that they wouldn't pass it on to any of their friends and so far they haven't. I was worried that the magic would all be over for ds before it had even properly started.

And I don't think it's about greed or consumerism either. I'd have been happy with a satsuma, 50p and a colouring book when I was a child... as long as FC had BEEN! Ds gets practical stuff in his stoking like PJs, books and games.

Lastly (sorry ranting) I clearly remember the slow dawning that it wasn't real when I was a child. I was probably about 8 and I asked my mum if FC was real or not. She said, 'Would you rather it was real?' I said yes, and that was the end of that. I think I twigged that as soon as you tell your parents you know FC is actually them, bang goes the lovely lumpy stocking at the end of your bed on Christmas morning.

We never did it. Amazingly my DCs still had fantastic Christmases. I also gave them a little bit of money when they list a tooth.

I don't feel my kids list out at all. They used to love using their imagination as much as any other kids but telling them Father Christmas really exists would have seemed a really odd and weird thing to do.

I must have the only 12 year old who still believes in Father Christmas. I only know one family (staunch Atheists who don't like LIES!!!) who don't do FC and the tooth fairy. But they are utterly joyless in every other way too -- don't "approve" of pets, tv etc etc. Their dc take delight in telling my (reasonably) religious dc that they "DON'T DO GOD". Come to think of it, why I am still talking to these people??

I'm struggling with this at the moment. DD (age 4.10) asked me outright the other day if Santa existed. Slightly caught me off guard it's September ffs! so I just said "what do you think" and left it at that.

I'm torn though! I don't think she really believes it, like PP she tells me fairies are just in stories etc but it seems SUCH a defining part of childhood I'd feel mean being honest before the so called magic has kicked in, iyswim!

But farewell, you telling your mother you'd rather FC was real was predicated on your belief that you would no longer get a stocking once your mother acknowledged it was just a story. Children who haven't been brought up to think of him as real get gifts anyway, they just aren't put in a situation where they feel they have to pretend in order to still get them!

(Off-topic, but I wonder whether there's any correlation between parents who believe passionately that belief in Santa/FC is a crucial component of childhood innocence/fending off harsh reality, and parents who prefer their young children not to know how babies are actually made? It's just that some very similar language (childhood innocence, adult realities etc) seems to be used about both things.)

Interesting Rusticated. Whilst I'm desperately hanging on to Santa, I at the same time desperately trying to defer the sex talk with my almost-9 year old. I just think he's too young to know.

He has asked some pointed questions and I have deflected.

I would fit with your theory Rusticated DD is 4 and knows where babies come from and we've never pretended santa. I am totally with pp that the magic doesn't come from FC the whole of Christmas can be magical if you let it. Whenever threads like this come up lots of people say 'it's not as magical once they know the truth', if they have always grapsed that FC is a fun game then there is no loss of magic. Christmas continued to be magical for me into my teens and I never believed.

I'd have no problem in telling DS where babies come from. I'm a firm believer in science and logic as well as a believer in fairy stories and magic. In fact I think DS is probably one of the most clued-up children I know about science as we regularly pore over his human body book, how the world works, molecule magic etc. I don't see science and magic as having to be separate. A lot of science is magical... like adding vinegar to bicarb or the pattern on a butterfly's wings!

I also had a religious upbringing. My Dad was a minister so it was church and Sunday school every Sunday without fail. He had no problem with 'lying' to us, and indeed everyone else in the congregation about FC. I remember he always used to ask the children on Christmas morning if they'd had stockings.

Me, I have. But my DS has strict instructions not to tell anyone else as it would upset them.

Having said that, last year he definitely wanted to believe in FC, and even wrote him a present request letter. If he wants to believe, I'm going to let him.

Nah, I'm a Santa fan and a 'let's be honest about where babies come from' fan.

like adding vinegar to bicarb or the pattern on a butterfly's wings!

Oh, I have no idea what happens when you do that! Tell me it involves a unicorn.

Although we did the Father Christmas thing, we weren't going to let him get all the credit. MAin presents were from us parents, Father Christmas only brought a stocking and small things. It was still fun.

Why do those who tell children it isn't true bother to do the mince pies for Santa, carrot for reindeer stuff? I don't get the point. The kids know that 10 minutes later you are eating them. Where's the fun in that?

Ha ha squoosh. Are you taking the mick? No unicorns... volcanos.

Ah well, it did sound a bit pompous I guess.

Only taking the mick re. unicorns. Have no idea what happens when you pour vinegar on a butterfly's wing! You didn't sound pompous at all.

I just read your previous posts squoosh. You used the term festive and glowy so I guess you weren't taking the mick. :0) And I agree to not understanding the pervy thing. Weird!

Ah my sentence was ambiguous. He he. I'm not sure what happens if you pour vinegar on a butterfly but I wouldn't recommend it.

Sorry, derailed thread.

I like Fc for little ones and are brutally honest -and quite detailed- when it comes to sex, human or otherwise.

My 10 year old nephew, on the other hand, comes from a family that doesn't 'do' FC or sex. He asked me why rams have large bollocks this summer then nearly died of embarrassment when I told him. (I am a zoologist).

I am happy for childern (and adults for that matter) to use a bit of fantasy to soften the harsh brutality of life. If ds2 (6) wants to believe his beloved teacher (who died rapidly of breast cancer last year, aged 28 and leaving behind a toddler) has been reincarnated and is currently starting life again as a baby, then I'm happy to let him. Who knows, maybe he's even right.

adding vinegar to bicarb or the pattern on a butterfly's wings!

Duh! Apologies, I totally misread your paragraph. I am officially thick. I thought something happened when you poured vinegar on a butterfly. Something other than the butterfly thinking 'bloody hell, this stings'.

Blame the referendum, it's making me giddy.

I really don't mind what other families do, we are as a family are non believers but we have always had magical Christmas times and have family stories and traditions! The big FC still visits us all and all the younger generation!
My biggest problem with the whole 'Santa' thing is strangers talking about him and asking children if they have been good? But also I work in schools and have worked with some children who I know for certain will have a very slim Christmas so when teachers and TAs ask a class if they have been good it drives me wild! I do what I can in school to make Christmas a magical time for children in my class but some children will have no Santa and I will not perpetuate that myth in a school. I'm sorry if you don't like that view!

Oh Barbarian that's very sad. I think I'm with you on letting them believe what they want. Someone told DS about reincarnation the other day and he's currently quite keen on that. He's already told me God is made up yet still happily believes in FC and the tooth fairy. Whatever makes him happy is fine by me. He'll sort out his own beliefs when he's good and ready.

I'll be thinking of that teacher all day.

Yes, sorry, it was/is awful and I probably shouldn't have mentioned it .

But really, escaping into fantasy (whether it's FC, daydreaming or an episode of Downton Abbey) is what helps get us through reality.

My kids cottoned on pretty early. Around 5. They know to keep it to themselves.

Bigcat, you sound like a humane and thoughtful teacher. (I'm still working on weaning MIL off the 'have you been GOOD? Santa only comes to GOOD boys' approach.)

Kentish, for the same reason as you'd do any other kind of imaginative play, just for fun. We also pretend the neighbours' cat can talk.

at the butterfly thinking 'bloody hell, this stings'.