To ask if anyone HASN'T done the whole Santa and Tooth Fairy thing?

[mrsHawk1ns]

Not saying I won't with my DS's once they're old enough, but was just interested to see if there is anyone out there who hasn't done it, and just been honest from the start that they don't exist?!

Damn it, does anyone else's autocorrect keep correcting Santa to Dante? Dante???

Let's ditch Santa and have a Dante's Inferno Christmas myth instead. That'll get the buggers to behave!

honestly think it's often adults who 'need' children to believe in Santa

I agree - we weren't fussed but so many other adults in their lives were - it was hard to go go against the grain without coming out with IT's ALL A LIE which they would then repeat.

As far as I can remember though I can always easily distinguish between fact and fiction - so suspect at some point with no drama I realised it was a story and got on with things I suspect eldest is the same - another of my DC does seem to have issues with realises when things are made up or are fiction - I find it very odd and I suppose he could get quiet upset when he realises.

My eldest gets a bit blue now, and says "I wish I still believed in Santa. Christmas was so much better then." But he still has his little brother who's a "believer" and this helps to keep it all alive for him.

I'll be sad when it's over. But the cycle will begin again when I have grandchildren (I'd be surprised if my kids didn't maintain it with their own children) - it's just one of the many sweet things that come along with having young children in your life.

So where do those of you who feel the need to protect your children from the "harsh reality" of something that isn't real not being real draw the line?

Do you invent an imaginary invisible tiger who can walk through walls to protect them from the "harsh reality" of it being your pet cat who keeps eating all the cat food you put down?

Or tiny little Oompas Loompas who live in the biscuit aisle to protect your children from the "harsh reality" that the shelves at Tesco are stacked by paid human staff?

Squoosh . Like 'good children get lots of lovely presents, bad children get trapped in flaming tombs/buried in Stygian mud/whipped by demons!'

I don't think in terms of 'harsh realities'. I think 'Santa is a fun thing for kids to believe in'. I feel I can speak with authority on this subject having been a child who indeed believed in Santa and wasn't too dismayed to find out he was a big fat lie.

Rusticated yes! Awwww, that makes me feel all festive and glowy.

I don't think my children have a harsh reality, that doesn't figure into it for me. It's more the case that Santa is "there", I love it, so I "use" it.

My problem with Santa is this:

Either you turn him into no more than a glorified postman (Mum/Dad buy presents or send money, and Santa delivers them)

Or Santa gives children of rich parents who already have loads of stuff much more than children of poorer parents. Which is incredibly unfair.

My adopted DD had a whole set of reasons in her head why Santa didn't used to give her anything ... I think it helped her a lot when she understood he was make believe.

(but I do see that doesn't apply to most people's parents decisions on this)

My mum worked with abused children and told me later she just couldn't face trying to do the whole Santa thing with us.
Being 'good' for an old man, wanting strangers to come in your house at night, whispering secrets to strangers and being encouraged not to ask questions about things that seem strange or unusual - it all just made her feel sick apparently. I don't think she set out with the intention to tell us FC wasn't real, just that the parallels between what people happily say about FC and the methods abusers use to keep children quiet / thinking its normal or acceptable were too strong for her.
I know she was unpopular with the other parents at my school because I went round telling everyone he didn't exist! But personally I agree with my mum - I find the whole Santa thing a bit wierd and pervy and it certainly never spoiled Christmas for me knowing that the people I loved had wanted to buy me presents. I think I would have found it odd thinking they had come from a stranger, tbh.

No one in my family does it.

My sisters kids have been told, they know it's a story.

They've been telling everyone the story then end it with, don't worry he's not real, it's just a story. EVERY. TIME.

I fail to see how Santa is 'pervy'.

The only person who tell us if that is true is Mrs Claus.

I actually think that's an important point, Tween. The Santa myth as it is today isn't unrelated to consumerism. Poorer parents might feel able to explain to their children that this year mummy and daddy haven't much money, so there will only be one Christmas present per child, but if Santa is conceived of as the source of all Christmas presents, then how do you manage your child's expectations when they have their heart set on something expensive and you're in a minimum wage job, in rent arrears and using food banks to get by?

squoosh
I bet she has some battle scars.

i dont want to do the whole santa thing, i never had it as a child because my parents are christian and didn't agree with telling us a lie about him and then expecting us to believe in jesus christ.
i dont like that the emphasis is all on presents. for me, christmas is about faith and family.
that said, my family in law refuse to respect this decision not do santa, to the point where they let my DD (who didnt watch TV) watch a massive peppa pig episode all about father christmas, then every time we met over christmas last year they were like "have you seen santa?" "are you excited about santa?". groan.
it got wierd though, when even strangers on the street asked this to my kids.
i was like....umm....they're excited about CHRISTMAS.
anyway, each to their own but OP if you do go down the route of not bothering with santa, prepare for some wierd backlashes from unusual places!

squoosh - he creeps into children's bedrooms at night and if they've been 'good' he leaves them presents. If they see him they're not supposed to look/tell and they aren't supposed to ask their parents too many questions about the strange man who comes into their bedroom at night.
Even if you don't agree you must be able to see why someone else would find that weird and pervy?

Ummmm, nope still failing to see the 'pervy' aspect.

Umm, not round here he doesn't. He leaves presents under the tree downstairs (if you've been good) and only ever comes when everyone's asleep and so is never seen.

And he likes a drink and a bite when he comes.

Your version is weird.

I treat Father Christmas and the Tooth Fairy the same as I treat all fictional stories too - I always act as if they are all real, because I think it is fun. Witches, monsters, fairies, Father Christmas, Peter Rabbit, Bible stories, I treat them all the same. I don't know whether my children realize and are playing along with me, or if they actually do think it is real. I'm not going to ask them.

Of course, FC is a bit different, because he brings stockings, which is evidence he is real. But I wouldn't respond to a question about FC existence differently to a question about, say, the Gruffalo's. I'd just say, "yes, I think he might be real, what do you think?"

Not a 'lie'. Not pervy. Just a lot of magic. Shame a lot of children miss out on that aspect. And spoil it for others. 'Lie' indeed!

Have just realised 'my' version comes mainly from American movies, having never experienced FC myself, so its probably more extreme than what most people practice ...

But my child doesn't miss out on any 'magic' - he puts out mince pies on Christmas Eve, hangs up a stocking etc - he just classes Santa along with the Gruffalo, Jack and the Beanstalk and Abney and Teal, as nice, familiar stories that are 'book/Tv/imagination real', not real like he is. He doesn't need to believe in the literal reality of a bloke in a red suit in order to have fun imagining and spinning stories about Santa!

And what about the rest of the 'magic' of Christmas for a child - going carol singing, bringing home a tree and decorating it, making special food...?

I really don't see why saying it's a fun story and game to play together is so bad, though.

I also really, really don't get why children who are supposed to have such great imaginations need to believe something is literally real in order to enjoy it. I certainly didn't as a child

It's also nasty to slate children for 'ruining' it for others. Ffs, they are children. If you are choosing to tell your DC something is real when it isn't, you cannot be annoyed when they find out the reality. From wherever.

Personally I like BarbarianMum's approach and will do that with my pfb, as in 'Santa is a fun game for us, but lots of people think he's real and we don't want to hurt their feelings by saying he's not.' Or 'Santa is a fun game and it's fun to keep pretending with your friends.'

I think it says a lot about parents who 'do' Santa that they get so irate at other people's parenting choices and at little children for 'spoiling' their own Christmas. It's so entitled.

'And what about the rest of the 'magic' of Christmas for a child - going carol singing, bringing home a tree and decorating it, making special food...?'

You make him drag home a tree by himself and cook his own Christmas dinner? You really are a mean mother.