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Original poster

To ask if anyone HASN'T done the whole Santa and Tooth Fairy thing?

219 replies

mrsHawk1ns · 17/09/2014 08:55

Not saying I won't with my DS's once they're old enough, but was just interested to see if there is anyone out there who hasn't done it, and just been honest from the start that they don't exist?!

OP posts:
kentishgirl · 17/09/2014 11:23

I know it's every families decision and of course children still enjoy Christmas, but it seems such a killjoy thing to do. I remember believing in Father Christmas and it all being so exciting and magical. Had a lot of fun with it, with my own son.

BarbarianMum · 17/09/2014 11:27

My friend doesn't do it as her eldest has ASD and finds the thought of strangers coming into his house late at night really disturbing. But it's less that she says that these 'people' don't exist and more that they don't come to their house - in their house Christmas presents come from mum and dad etc. So that's what her children tell their friends and everyone's happy.

nancy75 · 17/09/2014 11:28

I do love the tale of the very religious family that don't want to fill their children's heads with things that don't exist...

TheLovelyBoots · 17/09/2014 11:34

but it seems such a killjoy thing to do.

I totally agree.

Christmas and Santa with my own kids has been among the highlights of my life. True story. It's almost over, my youngest is almost 9 and we'll be lucky to get one more year out of him, but it's been magical while it lasted.

I really hope your kids are able to keep this under their hat.

treaclesoda · 17/09/2014 11:36

not me, but I've known families to do it, for religious reasons.

cherrybombxo · 17/09/2014 11:36

On a somewhat related note, what age did your DC stop believing in Santa? My mum said that I was really young and she had an awful time trying to stop me from telling my brother (I'm a few years older), but my boss told me that she's really happy that her son believed in Santa until just last year. He's 12 and just started high school. Am I alone in thinking that this is weird? Maybe I am, but I don't have kids...

TheLovelyBoots · 17/09/2014 11:40

I told my eldest when he was 10.

I would be skeptical about a 12 year old believing in Santa. I have a 12 year old, it's the age of cynicism.

cherrybombxo · 17/09/2014 11:42

She said that he had his suspicions but didn't ask her about them until Boxing Day because he was still on the fence and didn't want to chance Santa not coming. Apparently I was about 5, so I probably have a skewed view of it because I knew for most of my childhood. I'm in no way judging, I just found 11/12 to be quite old.

EvaTheOptimist · 17/09/2014 11:43

Two of my kids's older cousins were devastated when they learned that father christmas wasn't real. So we learned from that and never lied. "Its just a story". However we've been really careful to make sure that they don't blab to other kids. We still do all the creeping around filling stockings at night and putting a coin under the pillow for the tooth fairy. (DD has been known to ask for her tooth back in the morning, so she can have another look at it!)

BarbarianMum · 17/09/2014 11:46

cherrybombxo ds1 is nearly 9 and entertaining doubts. I told him Father Christmas brings presents to children who believe in him and parents buy them for children who don't. He was reassured he wouldn't be out of pocket by abandoning his beliefs.

ScienceRocks · 17/09/2014 11:47

I'll probably be flamed, but we don't do the Santa thing. Presents go under the tree as they are wrapped, ie. throughout December, with just stockings added after the DDs have gone to bed on Christmas Eve. We talk about Santa as being like the postman in that he brings things from other people. However, they do know that other people have different beliefs (they liken it to religion!) so don't talk about it with their friends and certainly don't say that they have it wrong.

I genuinely didn't know that people did the whole footprints in talc thing until I joined MN.

As for the tooth fairy, we go through the pretence but DD1 (the only one who has lost teeth) knows it is me or DH, mainly because we have forgotten Blush

I'm with RoseTheHat in never believing myself and always being perfectly happy with my parents making things magical. I hope my DDs feel the same.

LouiseBourgeois · 17/09/2014 11:47

TreadSoftly, absolutely. You put it very well - I remember exactly the feeling of being made a fool of when I found out.

Tbh, I get a bit impatient with the accusations of being a 'killjoy'. For one thing, I'm not (there may well be mince pies and reindeer prints in the garden, even a visit to a Santa grotto this year, but without the implication it's more than a fun pretend game), I've simply made a different parenting decision, and for another, do you honestly think I'm going to toe some kind of Santa party-line purely in order to minimise the chances that your child will encounter another point of view at an age you consider too young?

Not responding to anyone in particular, incidentally, only the same points get made again and again on Santa threads.

And religious belief plays no part in my decision.

cherrybombxo · 17/09/2014 11:48

BarbarianMum Ahh that's a good tactic. I thought that 8 or 9 was around the tipping point but I don't know anyone with kids who aren't toddlers or teens!

Maisyblue · 17/09/2014 11:53

I always think that Father Christmas is part of what makes Christmas so magical for children. There was no way I was going to spoil that by telling them there was no such thing.Children have such beautiful vivid imaginations and Father Christmas and the tooth fairy all have a part to play in giving their imaginations free reign. There are enough harsh realities of real life to face when they grow up....let them have their short lived joyous innocence.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 17/09/2014 12:05

For the cynical tooth fairy disbelievers among you - check out this lady's work. [no relation or friend whatsoever, just think her work is fab]
samanthabryan.co.uk/gallery/

squoosh · 17/09/2014 12:11

Each to their own but I would definitely be inwardly whispering 'killjoy'.

seasavage · 17/09/2014 12:16

Me. ExMIL seriously thought this was some sort of neglect. Hmm she is a bit 'of a one'.

JustAShopGirl · 17/09/2014 12:18

some kids have harsh enough realities right now when they are kids though- and no amount of "magical fairy dust and reindeer poop" will change that for them.

Not everyone "believes" in Santa, not everyone can afford presents, not everyone can afford tooth fairy money - are you going to tell them "not to be killjoys"

"If you are really good all year some stranger will give you presents "- NO he won't - not even if you ARE really good.

I was really,really good when I was little - but I had an alcoholic dad and a manic depressive mother. I did not believe in Santa. If I had would I have got presents?

MsAnthropic · 17/09/2014 12:18

We've gone along with Santa, but in our house Christmas presents are from real people except for one token toy that was brought by Santa. Santa also does not do naughty or nice etc and there are no threats that Santa won't come.

I love being Tooth Fairy, although I'm pretty sure DS has rumbled it.

saoirse31 · 17/09/2014 12:20

Each to their own... in our house however santy will always come irrespective of age.... (in ireland where santy comes and u never hear the phrase 'father christmas'!!)

SaucyJack · 17/09/2014 12:21

" There was no way I was going to spoil that by telling them there was no such thing. "

But there isn't any such thing......

You can't spoil something or be a killjoy about something that never existed in the first place. Do you tell your children that PeppaPig is real to spare them from the harsh reality of ot just being a drawing on the telly?

And yes, children do have fantastic imaginations. Which is precisely why they're able to enjoy the myth and magic of Xmas without needing to be told that FC actually exists.

Hexu2 · 17/09/2014 12:21

I was never told they were not real - but it was a slow realisation.

We never pushed the whole Santa thing - but the GP did even when asked not to - and then it was all there at school. Presents had who they were from on - but DC themselves came up with idea of Santa delivering them. I be surprised if eldest still believes - but she has never indicated she doesn't.

Tooth fairy - we have done - partly as I freaked out when unexpectedly handed the first tooth - but she's been late - taken DC written letters when teeth have been mislaid and written a warning/complaint letter for last one that the tooth had been left in another part of the house and not the bed room though just that once she gave the money as well.

LouiseBourgeois · 17/09/2014 12:23

But Maisy, a child not thinking Santa is real in no way cramps their imagination - it's just another imaginative game, of the kind small children always play, only without the requirement to believe in Santa as an objective reality. My toddler knows Fireman Sam, Thomas the Tank Engine or Pip and Posy or Goldilocks and the three bears aren't 'real' in the sense that I am 'real', but that doesn't for a moment stop him playing endless imaginative games involving the characters and situations and deriving enormous amounts of fun from it. Santa will be the same, a lovely story to play and have fun with.

I honestly think it's often adults who 'need' children to believe in Santa. Why is Santa just being a nice, fun, magical fairy story bringing a child face to face with harsh realities, any more than them knowing where babies really come from?

(Damn it, does anyone else's autocorrect keep correcting Santa to Dante? Dante??? Grin)

Didactylos · 17/09/2014 12:26

we do santa, and will do the toothfairy
its a great child friendly intro to Pascals wager...Grin

Maisyblue · 17/09/2014 12:26

justashopgirl .....I know what you're saying! my Dh never got presents from Santa! his parents spent any spare money they had on drink,even took his carol singing money off him for drink. That's why he'd never have wanted that for his own kids. I agree also about lots of kids having enough "harsh realities" right now, but that has always and probably always will be the way. There are also starving children abroad, that doesn't stop us eating. I'm sorry about what happened to you but I don't think that is reason for us to all bring our children up without a bit of make believe.