to want the mother of my child to email me a response?

[genericeric]

I became a Dad to a beautiful boy last August. although the situation is not how i planned, i am proud to have become a father even though my visits are limited to once a month. He was changed my life for the better.

I need to explain that she is in the Midlands and i am in east Anglia, i was living in the same city as her but moved away before she became pregnant (still meeting up)

Me and his mother were FWB. We got pregnant and i told her i did not want a relationship but would support my son. We agreed to raise him together as friends.

soon after his birth things went south. Everything we agreed on she has not followed through:

1. double barrelled surname (agreed then changed her mind)
2. visiting his grandparents (as above)
3. allowing me time alone with him (as above)
4. getting christened (i refused but she stated the church only needs one parents consent)

as well as not keeping her promise she is also starting to say some very nasty things to me. not only are the totally untrue (and can be proven with text messages) It's quite obvious that she is trying to become an obstacle between me and my sons relationship.

last week i asked for her email address. I informed her that i will be sending her emails with all these requests i have made and that she can reply in her own time.

in my opinion this is the only way that i can get cast iron evidence that i am trying to make the effort and she is not letting me.

she has refused to do this.

i made the decision last week to find work and move back to the same city as her with the intention of taking a hands on role in my sons life. It wont happen overnight i know that.

So my question is .........

Am i being unreasonable to ask my childs mother to email me a response to my requests?

would you be receptive to the idea?

would you show these emails to your child in 17 years time?

have i opened up a can of worms?

any advice would be much appreciated.

Eric

Aye right. He wants a relationship with his child and the way to do that is get random women off the internet to phone him and he can tell them how fantabulous he is?

My shiny red arse.

Add message | Report | Message poster zeezeek Sun 24-Aug-14 17:40:56
Unless, of course, she got pregnant on purpose in order to trap him into a relationship that he didn't want to be in and then got huffy when her plan didn't work - and is now using her son as a way of punishing her ex.....

And he didn't wear a condom because...?

that's what i wanted to say but was afraid of saying ......

Even if the child is a failed attempt to draw you into a relationship, you still need to work out how you can work in partnership to bring him up. If you can't find a way to cooperate everyone's lives will be a lot harder. Stop looking for ways to prove that she is being unreasonable, throw your agenda in the bin and find some common ground to work from.

Reported it for what?

A troll means that there's not some poor sod with him as a father. That's a good thing, no?

I don't think that is encouraged tbh. You are likely going to have the thread reported for that

Too right! Me and Maths both, for starters

Maybe the OP is hoping to meet another FWB over the telephone?

ppaka, it appeared that way at first, now it seems like 29yr old fella me lad wants our phone numbers.

This is inappropriate of him.

I think that it's understandable that your DPs would want to meet their DGC. it does seem a bit odd that neither of them have left home in 15 years (I am not a farmer though so I am not in a position to know if this is common though).

if it is only 3 hours drive then perhaps your parents could travel on separate days? An hopefully your Dc can visit when they are older.

It also seems that you and your DCs DCM need to have a talk about what is bothering her as she may be using your DC to get at you and perhaps she feels like all she has been to you is an 'incubator' rather than someone who you would consider having a relationship with. She is only human after all and she is perhaps grieving what ahem thought might be a future as part of a family set up.

If none of your atempts to make amends/support her don't win her round then unfortunately you have to go through the courts. and if you want a paper trail then you could send letters.

Ffs. Google 'hot mature mamas by phone' or something if you need someone to talk to.

I think that it's understandable that your DPs would want to meet their DGC. it does seem a bit odd that neither of them have left home in 15 years (I am not a farmer though so I am not in a position to know if this is common though).

if it is only 3 hours drive then perhaps your parents could travel on separate days? An hopefully your Dc can visit when they are older.

It also seems that you and your DCs DCM need to have a talk about what is bothering her as she may be using your DC to get at you and perhaps she feels like all she has been to you is an 'incubator' rather than someone who you would consider having a relationship with. She is only human after all and she is perhaps grieving what ahem thought might be a future as part of a family set up.

If none of your atempts to make amends/support her don't win her round then unfortunately you have to go through the courts. and if you want a paper trail then you could send letters.

Or men off the internet to phone him? What's being female got to do with it.
Either way, probably not the best idea make or female.

Reported it for what?

Do you really have to ask PPaka

Damn, I was sucked in

True Bam. But it's a female dominated forum. Fair guess odds are he's looking for a woman to phone him.

The whole relationship was based on unreasonableness. IMHO. But you have to take it from here. You should get legal advice re access to your child. I agree that she could be bitter that you did not move back to support her when she was pregnant and then after the birth of your child. Without knowing her side of the story it's impossible to say who is being reasonable and who isn't.

Blimey, you sound like hard work. There's an awful lot of wahwahwah in all your posts, so if your emails are at all similar, they are probably being auto-diverted to Trash.

He's gone to some crazy lengths in that case. He could have been a bit more clever about it all really. Strange!

The baby has a right to have a relationship with you, but your ex fwb does not have an obligation to facilitate that by traipsing the baby around the country to see you or them. God, can you even hear yourself? She should go to them, stay with them because they are 'too busy' to go and see their Grandson!? It would be a rare woman who didn't say 'fuck that for a game of soldiers!'. She doesn't have to give you any reason, she just has to say 'No, it's not happening'.

So you and they have to pay for a hotel? You should have thought about that before you got her pregnant. Condoms.

Of course she isn't going to let you have him unsupervised - he doesn't know you. He's seen you, what, 'once a month' for 12 months and maybe the occasional other day?! He's a BABY you have to build up a relationship with them. I'd think far less of her if she just handed the wee mite over once a month, he'd most likely be scared & upset.

Her baby, her surname. If you wanted a child to have your surname you should have had a relationship and got married. You get your FWB pregnant, she's entitled to use her surname.

Christening. Tough. If that's what she wants then that's what will happen. Nothing to stop you doing something culturally acceptable to you, as long as it doesn't harm the baby (ie not circumcision).

That's ridiculous- he got sarky cos everyone jumped on him

How did he go to crazy lengths?

Go to probably most famous biggest female dominated forum in the UK

Post a scenario.

Wait not even an hour.

Then post with request for women to take his number.

Unless, of course, she got pregnant on purpose in order to trap him into a relationship that he didn't want to be in and then got huffy when her plan didn't work - and is now using her son as a way of punishing her ex

Is she really really stupid then? Surely if this was her master plan she would pick someone who was actually going to be a great dad from before day 1, and not someone who has presented themselves as the op has?

Usually absent dads who come out with shite like that don't tend to be quite the prizes they think they are.

I was just thinking that, Sock.
I remember when I got up the duff from ds's dad (a casual relationship) and one of his friends apparently questioned that the baby was even his. I pointed out that, had I been intending to trap a man into being with me, it would be someone with, you know, a job.

Men don't half flatter themselves.

Don't feed....