to want the mother of my child to email me a response?

[genericeric]

I became a Dad to a beautiful boy last August. although the situation is not how i planned, i am proud to have become a father even though my visits are limited to once a month. He was changed my life for the better.

I need to explain that she is in the Midlands and i am in east Anglia, i was living in the same city as her but moved away before she became pregnant (still meeting up)

Me and his mother were FWB. We got pregnant and i told her i did not want a relationship but would support my son. We agreed to raise him together as friends.

soon after his birth things went south. Everything we agreed on she has not followed through:

1. double barrelled surname (agreed then changed her mind)
   
2. visiting his grandparents (as above)
   
3. allowing me time alone with him (as above)
   
4. getting christened (i refused but she stated the church only needs one parents consent)
   
   as well as not keeping her promise she is also starting to say some very nasty things to me. not only are the totally untrue (and can be proven with text messages) It's quite obvious that she is trying to become an obstacle between me and my sons relationship.
   
   last week i asked for her email address. I informed her that i will be sending her emails with all these requests i have made and that she can reply in her own time.
   
   in my opinion this is the only way that i can get cast iron evidence that i am trying to make the effort and she is not letting me.
   
   she has refused to do this.
   
   
   i made the decision last week to find work and move back to the same city as her with the intention of taking a hands on role in my sons life. It wont happen overnight i know that.
   
   So my question is .........
   
   
   
   Am i being unreasonable to ask my childs mother to email me a response to my requests?
   
   would you be receptive to the idea?
   
   would you show these emails to your child in 17 years time?
   
   have i opened up a can of worms?
   
   any advice would be much appreciated.
   
   Eric

[mathsgsceresit]

Phone you? What on earth! Do you honestly think someone off the internet who you don't know from Adam is going to phone you so you can persuade them of how brilliant and amazing you are and what a waste of space your ex is?

[genericeric]

anyone?

[zeezeek]

Unless, of course, she got pregnant on purpose in order to trap him into a relationship that he didn't want to be in and then got huffy when her plan didn't work - and is now using her son as a way of punishing her ex.....

[Terrierterror]

1. You're not married/ in a relationship so she gets to choose.
   
2. You're not married/ in a relationship. She doesn't have to travel for hours with the baby to see your family.
   
3. You're not married/ in a relationship. If you want that you need to involve a solicitor.
   
4. you're not married/ in a relationship. Couples have to compromise but you're not a couple.
   
   Things agreed before the birth look very different once you're faced with the reality of parenthood. The first year can push relationships to breaking point, and that's when the two people are sharing the responsibility of being constantly needed. sleepless nights and the general chaos. The fact that you expect her to transport a baby 3 hours in a car for the convenience of your parents suggests that you really don't have a clue.

[DoYouThinkSheSawUs]

Why would we want to phone you FFs? To be honest that is still coming across as snarky - if you don't mean to be snarky then maybe you just don't come across well in text, and maybe you should consider phoning her instead as she may be reading tone wrong and so getting her back up?

[genericeric]

that's what i wanted to say but was afraid of saying ......

[Vivacia]

anyone?

FFS. I was really taken in by this.

[Fairenuff]

if anyone would like to have a conversation with me about this over the phone i would happily give you my number so you can hear that i have my sons best intentions at heart.

any takers?

Uh oh.

[NigellasPeeler]

why would you want a random woman on the internet to pay to talk to you?
that is seriously messed up

[mathsgsceresit]

FFS.

You can't see what's wrong with pushing for women off the internet to phone you?

How old are you?

[JanineStHubbins]

Creepy.

[Whereisegg]

Why on earth are you bothered about speaking to strangers on the phone?!
If you want to do that, google solicitors close to you

[Vivacia]

Unless, of course, she got pregnant on purpose in order to trap him into a relationship that he didn't want to be in and then got huffy when her plan didn't work - and is now using her son as a way of punishing her ex...

Yeah, she's showed him, right? She's really teaching him a lesson now isn't she?

[IfNotNowThenWhen]

You don't have any say over the baby's surname, nor should you be asking for any. Same with the christening. You are not a couple, she is the one bringing the child up, and you have moved away.
Don't start trying to set up some email trail proving you were trying to be a good Dad. Move nearer your son, pay a decent amount towards his keep, and stop making demands. If, once you have shown that you can be a reasonable person, she may well decide that you can have unsupervised contact. If not, get legal advice.
From her point of view, you have upped and left town, but are demanding you get a say in what happens with the child as an equal parent, right down to putting your parents apparent inability to leave the house before her unwillingness to travel 6 hours to take her baby to stay with strangers. Do you not see how that would be awkward?
It's bastard hard being a lone parent of a baby. Start with that premise.

[mathsgsceresit]

FYI. Most sex lines charge. A lot.

[genericeric]

i got a job on an electricians forum this way .....

im 29 for the record.

[ClashCityRocker]

Why she got pregnant is a moot point. If you had suspicions that she wanted more, you probably shouldn't have been shagging her. Or at the least, using a condom.

The baby is here now, and how you and his mother handle things will have an insurmountable impact on his life.

[TheHomicidalPowerOfaTypo]

Fuck sake. Grow Up and get a life. If you want to speak to random women then throw a dart at a phone book and dial.

[KeemaNaanAndCurryOn]

Erm, why on earth would anyone want to call an anonymous bloke off the internet?

If you can't get across how you have your son's best intentions at heart in writing, then you should stop communicating in writing.

[mathsgsceresit]

I have reported this thread.

[PPaka]

Bloody hell
The guy wants a relationship with his child
Give him a break

[DoYouThinkSheSawUs]

Good call reporting it

[Castlemilk]

ohhhh riiiiight...

Let's hope you don't really have any poor 1 year old babies looking forward to a life with you as daddy, eh?

[ClashCityRocker]

OP, have you asked your ex how she sees things moving forward?

[BookABooSue]

does anyone think she has a responsibility to me and my side of his family?

At a very basic level - imo she has a responsibility to her DS; she has a responsibility to facilitate his relationship with you. But, notice, it's not all about you; it is about what is best for your DS. It is your responsibility to facilitate your DS' relationship with your family.

I can see you're struggling because you think she is deliberately making it difficult for you to take DS to see your family but it really isn't her fault that they live so far away, that they can't leave their house and that she would need to stay with them.

You're confusing different issues. It's not that unusual or UR for a new mum to be reluctant to let her DC stay overnight without her and it's really not UR for an estranged partner to not want to stay with her ex and his family so yes it makes it difficult but she is not to blame. Perhaps one of your parents could travel down with you and the other stay at home to mind the business? If they are keen to have a relationship with your DS, they are going to have to make an effort too or wait until your DS is old enough to travel without his DM.