to want the mother of my child to email me a response?

[genericeric]

I became a Dad to a beautiful boy last August. although the situation is not how i planned, i am proud to have become a father even though my visits are limited to once a month. He was changed my life for the better.

I need to explain that she is in the Midlands and i am in east Anglia, i was living in the same city as her but moved away before she became pregnant (still meeting up)

Me and his mother were FWB. We got pregnant and i told her i did not want a relationship but would support my son. We agreed to raise him together as friends.

soon after his birth things went south. Everything we agreed on she has not followed through:

1. double barrelled surname (agreed then changed her mind)
2. visiting his grandparents (as above)
3. allowing me time alone with him (as above)
4. getting christened (i refused but she stated the church only needs one parents consent)

as well as not keeping her promise she is also starting to say some very nasty things to me. not only are the totally untrue (and can be proven with text messages) It's quite obvious that she is trying to become an obstacle between me and my sons relationship.

last week i asked for her email address. I informed her that i will be sending her emails with all these requests i have made and that she can reply in her own time.

in my opinion this is the only way that i can get cast iron evidence that i am trying to make the effort and she is not letting me.

she has refused to do this.

i made the decision last week to find work and move back to the same city as her with the intention of taking a hands on role in my sons life. It wont happen overnight i know that.

So my question is .........

Am i being unreasonable to ask my childs mother to email me a response to my requests?

would you be receptive to the idea?

would you show these emails to your child in 17 years time?

have i opened up a can of worms?

any advice would be much appreciated.

Eric

Don't be ridiculous. How can the location that he finds out he has impregnated somebody have a bearing on him being "trapped" or not.
And have we slipped into the 1960's? Trapped? Get a grip please. People who don't want to be "trapped" take responsibility for contraception.

Have you accused your buddy of trapping you? That would explain why she is not keen to see you.

Have you thought that your buddy's friend might want to tell her partner wonderful news in a happy and romantic setting?

op I would cut through all the crap and just go see a solicitor. Once it's been made final in court, it's out of her hands.

Regarding what you said about the emails. My brother did the same as his ex tried to cut him out as he remarried. Going through the courts was the best thing he did and he wished he had done it years earlier. Plus there will be a record for the courts too.

No, you can have a relationship with your son. Make it about him not you. Be there, support his mum in ways she asks for, don't make demands. Don't be a big baby, that's his job.
Do this, and sooner or later, you will have a relationship with your son.

she is allergic to latex and was on the pill.

i fully accept my responsibility in this situation, hence the term "we got pregnant"

please dont start with the whole "should have dommed up" shit coz ive been there and done it.

Well you've put it rather baldly Eric but it seems a reasonable summing up.

You surely cannot have a problem with the first bit?

Second might be a bit trickier, but I daresay this is not how your FWB saw her life panning out either. You have to make the best of what you have. It seems to me like you're determined to make things as bad as possible (planning to reveal all in 17 years' time, wtf is that all about?)

Still can't help thinking we've been had

op why can't you have a good relationship with your son. Your ex doesn't own him. He deserves to have you both in his life.

Go see a solicitor, it really doesn't have to be this difficult. Also it will enable you to have access on your own in time.

You can get latex free condoms. No excuse. Pal.

There are a hundred brands of non-latex condoms. It is your own stupid fault.

You can get latex free on ebay and amazon, when in a FWB situation pregnancy is not the main reason for using condoms! 29 you say........?

my biggest concern is that she will tell him things like his grandparents dont want to meet him and i only visited 6 times a year (she has already said i only visit once every 2 months when i clearly come up every month)

X-post, sorry

My Dd was born in August last year.
She is 1 now.

No way in hell would i travel 3 hours in a car with her. It would be longer than 3 hours, dinner, nappy change and having a break from driving.
JUST to see my DDs grandparents who couldn't be bothered to make the effort.

It's easier for them. Not her and not for your son.

And no. She isn't responserible for your parents just like you arn't for hers.

Get legal advice.

Oh my.

Well here is my tuppence worth

I have a DS with someone, he was a surprise, we were very young and broke up. He lives 20 minutes drive away.

His parents (DSs paternal grandparents) like to see DS. They drive to get him. If I drive to take him to see them, they give me petrol money because I'm on my arse paying for all DSs care needs.

His dad drives to pick him up and drop him off.

His dad pays maintenance.

If his dad wants to take DS to see his family miles away, he picks DS up and drives him there.

I don't really 'facilitate' contact other than just saying yes. They make all the effort. Because I'm already doing my bit, leaving my job and caring for DS 24/7 and spending all my money and time on him.

You relationship with your son could be exactly how you want it to be if you are prepared to actually put the effort into it,work on building it up in a way thats for his benefit rather than your own. And stop relying on her to do your bidding.

You have not taken in any of the advice you have been given. Lots of it has been very good.
Your relationship with your son will not be as you want it to be because you see him once a month and then think it gives you the right to dictate what your ex does or doesn't do.

trolls trolls everywhere

Don't go in all guns blazing with the mother of your boy. Take a step back, talk to her fairly, decently and without rancour. Ask her how she sees it working. Tell her how much you want to be involved in your son's life but you appreciate she is doing the lion's share. Try and fit in with her for now, until things settle down.

Then when things start to improve, work hard at building a friendly co-parenting relationship with your ex fwb and tell her you want to help and work together for the future of your son. Drop the angsty arsey bit for good, don't be negative and defensive, don't ask for the world but slowly show her that you do want to do the right thing.

She didn't have to have sex with him when she realised he doesn't carry latex free in his wallet.
just a thought
Not that it's relevant to OP at all now, bit late for considering various birth control methods

op he won't remember what she was to him now . What he will remember is the regular visits that going to court will enable

trolls trolls everywhere

Say what???? You should know the MN rules by bow: if you suspect trollery you should report it mate.

When I had my kids their great-grandmother visited. She had to travel almost 2.5 hours and she was in her late eighties when DS was born.

By the time I had DD2 she was 91 and just out of hospital (two weeks) after a heart attack.

She still ripped me and my ex a new one for travelling to see her with such a small baby and the other kids.

Your parents are not showing themselves in a good light by the fact they haven't made any effort.

Also, why exactly can you only see your son once a month, did I miss that bit?

Your parents might want to meet your son but obviously not enough to make any effort whatsoever to do so, so if your ex tells him the absolute truth, it doesn't show your parents in a very good light.

Also, why exactly can't your parents see him apart from being farmers (I know lots of farmers they leave their farm), or did I miss that bit too?

Just get legal advice and go through the proper channels.
If your parents have a farm then it's entirely understandable they can't leave their livestock but it's up to you to make the effort to facilitate this but in order to do that it seems you will need overnight access. So I suggest you seek legal advice
I'd stop communicating with each other tbh if all you do scanning one another

As for keeping emails letters to show your son. Please don't. The only person it hurts is him