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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To scream loudly and repeatedly at my boyfriend for not killing a spider?

256 replies

Beeyump · 19/08/2014 10:07

Let me begin by stating that I am very scared of spiders, to the point of getting hysterical and wanting to run as far away as I can. If possible, I kill them because I can't bear to be near them. Anyway, my boyfriend - who knows all this - was staying last night, when a horribly large brown spider was spotted. I lost it, yelling at him to GET RID OF IT AND KILL IT, or at least put it outside. He did not, instead picking it up and transferring it to another room. When he informed me of this I got really angry, because I felt as though he had completely ignored my feelings/fear. Before this he had been finding it funny Hmm, but when I properly screamed at him he told me that if I 'carried on' he would leave. This episode rather dampened the rest of the evening...

Afterwards I felt guilty, stupid, but also pretty angry at him. Think I'm probably being unreasonable, but I don't feel it Angry

OP posts:
Fairylea · 19/08/2014 10:10

I have a severe phobia of spiders to the point I cry on the spot if I see one so I do see where you're coming from (although I'd always look to avoid killing them and get them outside instead). He was a bit insensitive.

What would you have done if he wasn't there? I found my long stint as a single parent living alone helped me get over my phobia a teeny bit as there was simply no one else to deal with any horrid 8 legged specimens !

Marcipex · 19/08/2014 10:11

Oh dear. Those who don't mind spiders (like me)don't really understand, but I would have put it outside for you. I wouldn't kill it tho.

FunkyBoldRibena · 19/08/2014 10:11

Yes, ridiculous.

It's a spider. Honestly.

I'd have asked him to put it outside but screaming and shrieking?

HannerHet · 19/08/2014 10:12

Why the hell did he put it in another room? If he managed to catch it, he should have just put it outside

Original poster
Beeyump · 19/08/2014 10:12

The only way I can kill them is by kinda dropping heavy objects on them from a distance, Blush or relying on whoever I'm living with.

OP posts:
chockbic · 19/08/2014 10:12

Why did he put in another room? He could have put it outside for you.

I scream at spiders too. In a quite frankly pathetic, girly way :D

Original poster
Beeyump · 19/08/2014 10:13

I know!! Why did he put it another room?! I know it sounds ridiculous, but I still feel angry about that.

OP posts:
highlighta · 19/08/2014 10:13

Yabu. It is a spider. Its more afraid of you.

lacksdirection · 19/08/2014 10:14

Why move the spider to another room? Why not take it outside, far away from your house? Confused
If I was as terrified of spiders as you are OP, I can see why you wouldn't want the spider in your house so it doesn't make any sense to me why he has put it in another room.

Original poster
Beeyump · 19/08/2014 10:15

Hmm I can assure you, I'm more afraid of them.

OP posts:
chockbic · 19/08/2014 10:15

Its not ridiculous when you're really scared of something.

Mine picks them up and will pretend to throw them at me. It sounds funny but it isn't!

lacksdirection · 19/08/2014 10:17

I have never seen the funny side of deliberately terrorising someone by pretending to throw the object of their fear at them.
What's funny about witnessing someone's fear?

antimatter · 19/08/2014 10:18

he doesn't understand that you are really scared of spiders
you need to talk to him about it

I guess perhaps title of this thread may be - "ABU to be upset that my bf isn't listening to me"

LuckySaint · 19/08/2014 10:18

I would have gone mad Yanbu op!

I start to shake, get upset and feel sick if I even just see one on the tv or in a magazine.

So all those saying 'it's just a spider blah blah' can nob off!

Original poster
Beeyump · 19/08/2014 10:20

These replies are putting it really well - it was the fact that he found it funny when I was so scared. And he did the 'pretending to hold it in his cupped hands' too.

OP posts:
RiverTam · 19/08/2014 10:21

putting it in another room is just weird, couldn't he open a window and chuck it outside? I'm not keen on spiders and would be convinced that it would come back in if it was just in another room.

YABVU about killing them, though.

Marcipex · 19/08/2014 10:21

Well if we all nob off Luckysaint then who will rescue you?

KatoPotato · 19/08/2014 10:22

Seems a bit rotten to not pop him out the back door for you! At first I wondered if he was also a bit feart, but if he had it in his hands he should have evicted it for you!

I used to be terrified of them too, and would go into a catatonic like state if I saw one in my house. But when I met DH and the first time I saw one, he just picked it up bold as brass and popped it out the window. I think seeing him so calm made me calm right down in general.

If I'm on my own however... then the room is evacuated or the dyson is out!

At the gym yesterday, two young girls were squealing and shrieiking because the tiniest wee spider was on the floor near their keys, water and phones. I just went over and lifted their stuff for them and handed it to them. I totally understand.

coffeeinbed · 19/08/2014 10:22

Everybody knows you don't kill spiders.
You get them out of the house.

YABU.
and a wimp.

Castlemilk · 19/08/2014 10:23

If you are phobic, NONE of that is at all funny.

If he knows you are phobic, that's given you a good insight into his character...

If he didn't really get that you are phobic as opposed to not liking spiders, I'd make it crystal clear going forward that next time he tried all the funny stuff - or deliberately showing you how little he took you seriously by putting it in another room - he wouldn't get to the point of threatening to leave, because his ass would already have hit the driveway.

Original poster
Beeyump · 19/08/2014 10:25

coffeeinbed, I'm not a wimp. I have a phobia.

OP posts:
bonkersLFDT20 · 19/08/2014 10:25

This isn't about the spider really - that you want them killed is for another thread.
Your BF was being really insensitive. Minimising someone's phobia is a really unkind thing to do. If he can't accept that you have this fear then I'd question whether he's the right person for you. It's about respect really.

FreckledLeopard · 19/08/2014 10:27

Maybe start taking stops to get over your phobia, rather than have a tantrum when someone doesn't kill an innocent creature.

Original poster
Beeyump · 19/08/2014 10:29

This is a long term boyfriend by the way. I love him. But he really diappointed me last night. And I disappointed myself by screaming at him so much. Ohh I'm so disappointed, clearly!

OP posts:
ICanSeeTheSun · 19/08/2014 10:29

Have you ever tried to get help for your phobia.

I don't mind spiders and would just leave them alone, unless it's better for the spider to be out door.

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