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AIBU?

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Original poster

To scream loudly and repeatedly at my boyfriend for not killing a spider?

256 replies

Beeyump · 19/08/2014 10:07

Let me begin by stating that I am very scared of spiders, to the point of getting hysterical and wanting to run as far away as I can. If possible, I kill them because I can't bear to be near them. Anyway, my boyfriend - who knows all this - was staying last night, when a horribly large brown spider was spotted. I lost it, yelling at him to GET RID OF IT AND KILL IT, or at least put it outside. He did not, instead picking it up and transferring it to another room. When he informed me of this I got really angry, because I felt as though he had completely ignored my feelings/fear. Before this he had been finding it funny Hmm, but when I properly screamed at him he told me that if I 'carried on' he would leave. This episode rather dampened the rest of the evening...

Afterwards I felt guilty, stupid, but also pretty angry at him. Think I'm probably being unreasonable, but I don't feel it Angry

OP posts:
Cooroo · 20/08/2014 07:07

Oops sorry I skipped few pages. See this approach has already been discussed. Anyway, that was my take on spiders. (DSis doesn't mind spiders but totally freaks over moths and daddy longlegs. No prob with butterflies!)

ChillieJeanie · 20/08/2014 07:08

Cooroo, there is no way in hell I could trap one under a glass because I could not get close enough to do that without hyperventilating leading to a panic attack. I have to fight like mad to keep that under control when I have five feet of vacuum hose between me and it, and aside from the distance advantage of using the Dyson I also then know that the fucker won't come back.

buttercrumble · 20/08/2014 07:09

YABU

jellybelly701 · 20/08/2014 07:10

If your husband has the ability to just cover them up or remove him himself then he does not have arachnophobia.

A person with genuine arachnophobia wouldn't be able to go anywhere near a spider.

No I don't feel guilty, not even a little bit. If there is spider in my home and DP isn't around to take it outside then I will kill it. Just like if there were fleas in my home I would kill those too.

as you are someone who clearly enjoys belittling other peoples fears I strongly suggest you take your own advice to stop being pathetic and grow up.

jellybelly701 · 20/08/2014 07:15

chillie that's the reason we got a henry hoover! All spiders can now be sucked up from a safe distance and I dont have to spend an entire day shaking on the bed out of fear.

Roonerspism · 20/08/2014 07:18

jelly my own phobia has restricted my career and nearly cost me my job. Phobias are utterly shite.

DH's phobia is from his mother. We are determined the kids won't pick up on it. So we all stand and admire spiders in the house (before I remove them gently). Guess what - he feels a bit better about spiders now - although it has taken a long time.

My own phobia has been less easy to fix but to avoid losing my job, on occasion I have had to confront it. It has improved slightly over the last fifteen years.

I just don't understand the mentality of killing something else because of a personal issue. I have less respect for people who happily do this.

jellybelly701 · 20/08/2014 07:35

You having a phobia of your own doesn't alter the fact that you have been belittling our fears. how would you have felt if you was being told you was precious and pathetic due to your phobia? Would it have helped you in any way? My guess is no. Would it help to be told that 'my DH does this...' you are immature and need to grow up for not being able to do the same? Again my guess is no.

Roonerspism · 20/08/2014 07:40

My phobia does make me feel pathetic. it is pathetic. It has massively impacted my life! I recognise that. It is, in fact, ludicrous.

DH doesn't get it and laughs gently about it. It makes me feel better - it normalises it.

I'm not trying to belittle you - just ask that you don't kill things because of your own (illogical) issue.

LineRunner · 20/08/2014 07:45

I am the spider-catcher in our house and I always put them outside and make sure everyone knows the spider has gone outside.

Putting it in another room would be pointless. A bit 'Fuck you and your fear' and not helpful at all.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 20/08/2014 07:56

I love you linerunner
You are a superhero.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 20/08/2014 08:02

Rally it depends on your phobia as to how you manage it.

If you are scared of balloons there's no issue around killing is there. A balloon phobic can be as smug as they like about thinking spiders should not be killed because killing would not help their phobia management.
Even cats or dogs. No need.
Spiders have to be removed? You can't just not go to the spider park or the spider shop.
Sometimes the only way is to kill them.
Or rather, have them killed.
And it really is hypocritical to take such a stance on spider welfare unless you apply the same principles to all animals and are vegan with very strict vegan behaviours.

ThatBloodyWoman · 20/08/2014 08:07

I am offended by the killing of a spider.
Even in my worst moments of terror I wouldn't think killing the creature is right.

Hysteria, running about flapping, squealing, pounding of feet -all well practised though.....

I think it was the fact of moving into the countryside that finally got me slowly but surely improving my tolerance.It was just too exhausting to go into meltdown each and every time I saw a spider!

I don't think you need to be vegan to not condone the needless killing of a living creature tbh.

RonaldMcDonald · 20/08/2014 08:11

OP

Get help for specific phobias. I did and it works.
I was shit scared of spiders and am fine now with vast majority ( tarantulas still give me the hebejebees but I'm unlikely to encounter one in my house, I hope )

TheRealAmandaClarke · 20/08/2014 08:11

I think vegans would disagree.

ThatBloodyWoman · 20/08/2014 08:14

I know vegans who would be quite happy for people not to kill animals, even if those people aren't even vegetarian.

Either I don't understand the point, or I don't agree, not sure which Confused !

ThatBloodyWoman · 20/08/2014 08:18

Actually in my instance Ronald,holding a tarantula is a red herring, since in my mind they are more like a small animal.So it was a bit of a hollow triumph for me, but it sounds impressive Grin

There is no way I think I will ever hold a ginormous house spider in my bare hands.

jellybelly701 · 20/08/2014 08:20

It may normalise it for you but it may not have the same effect on others.
Laughing wouldn't help me get over my phobia.

My DP used to think it was hilarious to tease me about spiders. He once refused to remove one from our bedroom and just laughed at me whilst I was hugging my knees in fear. telling me I was silly for being afraid, 'they are more scared of you' the usual shit. He realised how serious this was for me when I began shaking and sobbing and told him that I would break up with him if he didn't get rid of it and he has always removed them quickly since.

If DP is at work then I have to kill them, it is not possible for me to simply move them outside and I sure as hell can't leave them roaming around my home. I cannot avoid them, they come in uninvited. My home is supposed to be my safe place, how am I to feel safe when my worst nightmare is scaling the ceiling or running across my feet? I may not have control about whether the spiders come in or not but it is reassuring to know that I can control whether they stay once I find them. If that means using henry to suck it up then so be. Call me selfish but frankly I care more about myself and my own well being than a spider.

jellybelly701 · 20/08/2014 08:22

Oops, that was to rooner

ThatBloodyWoman · 20/08/2014 08:26

I used to put something over it andeither wait for someone to come in, or knock on other flat doors asking for a saviour jelly !

I completely appreciate that they cannot be left to hide ready to jump out again if you have a phobia -there's no way I could have tolerated that either.

jellybelly701 · 20/08/2014 08:35

But I will know the spider is there TBW I just wouldn't be able to handle it. There could be bullet proof glass separating me from a spider but I would still go shaky, dizzy, hot etc. I had what I assume is a panic attack at the insect exhibit at a zoo last month, The fact the spiders were securely behind glass panels didn't matter.

Besides to trap it you have to get close to it

ThatBloodyWoman · 20/08/2014 08:38

I know, I know.

But its a dash and plonk job.

After all you have to have some form of contact if you kill it.

Evem hoovering it up runs the risk of it escaping and scuttling off, or running up the outside of the tube if you misjudge.

jellybelly701 · 20/08/2014 08:46

No chance, good old Henry has great suction and has no problem getting them every time. Also a sandwich bag over the end of the hose secured with a hair bobble eliminates any risk of them escaping once hovered up.

ThatBloodyWoman · 20/08/2014 08:48

Pre meditated spider murder.

Guilty.

Send her down.

Sallyingforth · 20/08/2014 10:51

That report misses out the most significant detail - the post mortem.
The inquest would be meaningless without one.

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