Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To scream loudly and repeatedly at my boyfriend for not killing a spider?

256 replies

Beeyump · 19/08/2014 10:07

Let me begin by stating that I am very scared of spiders, to the point of getting hysterical and wanting to run as far away as I can. If possible, I kill them because I can't bear to be near them. Anyway, my boyfriend - who knows all this - was staying last night, when a horribly large brown spider was spotted. I lost it, yelling at him to GET RID OF IT AND KILL IT, or at least put it outside. He did not, instead picking it up and transferring it to another room. When he informed me of this I got really angry, because I felt as though he had completely ignored my feelings/fear. Before this he had been finding it funny Hmm, but when I properly screamed at him he told me that if I 'carried on' he would leave. This episode rather dampened the rest of the evening...

Afterwards I felt guilty, stupid, but also pretty angry at him. Think I'm probably being unreasonable, but I don't feel it Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
Beeyump · 19/08/2014 10:55

And people telling me to 'grow up'...Look, I absolutely understand that it sounds pathetic, wimpish, idiotic, cruel, whatever else. But I honestly cannot help it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Beeyump · 19/08/2014 10:56

Ahh, spider welfare Grin

OP posts:
DownByTheRiverside · 19/08/2014 10:58

Most of the friends and acquaintances I have are spider removers, and don't laugh at the few who are scared of spiders. I know a lot of people who are concerned about minibeast welfare and try to encourage children not to destroy them on sight.
He was unkind to laugh at you, but bing afraid of spiders in this country is daft.

chockbic · 19/08/2014 10:58

Phobias aren't about being immature. Lots of people have them. Heights, snakes, baked beans. Whatever.

HangingBasketCase · 19/08/2014 10:58

I second getting a cat. Our family cats used to eat chase them around, prod them with their paws and then eat them. Cats are fabulous spider catchers.

DownByTheRiverside · 19/08/2014 10:59

I know you can't help it, so it's not fair to make removing the spider a big issue. He should have popped it outside.

Gruntfuttock · 19/08/2014 10:59

A spider phobia is extremely quick and easy to get over, which is why it's so often seen on TV, when someone goes from panic at a mere picture of one, to holding a tarantula within an hour. I know because I've got over it myself. Years ago I had a gas engineer come round to service the boiler in the utility room. I suddenly saw a massive spider in the sink and ran into the next room. He just picked it up and put it outside. As, at that time I was on my own at home a lot of the time, (as my husband was at work and my daughter at school) I decided I would have to deal with spiders on my own.

It didn't take long at all to go from panicking at the sight of one to feeling no fear whatsoever when I suddenly see a large spider running across the carpet or up a wall next to me. Now I'm no more scared of spiders than I am of a bit of fluff and it's fantastically liberating. At first I had to steel myself to go towards it to catch it, instead of running away, but that stage didn't last long at all.

You will feel so much better when all that fear is gone and you'll be amazed at how quickly it happens. It's a case of "Feel the fear and do it anyway" with the result that the fear disappears for good.

OP, your boyfriend was silly for just putting it in another room when you were so scared, but I seriously suggest that, for your own sake, you take the steps to overcome the fear. You will feel so much better for it and you also won't pass on the phobia to any children you may have,

Flipflops7 · 19/08/2014 11:00

Most phobias don't result in the death of something, though.

Original poster
Beeyump · 19/08/2014 11:00

Aw, thanks chockbic.

I'm calming down, but to be honest still remain ticked off with bf. Especially as I had been particularly nice to him all evening...

OP posts:
antimatter · 19/08/2014 11:01

I care about spiders outside MN and taught my kids how to catch them.
My dd is a bit squeamish but if I wasn't handling it properly she would by now have full on fobia (picked up from her friends at school)

chockbic · 19/08/2014 11:02

You're welcome x

FreckledLeopard · 19/08/2014 11:02

I know phobias aren't about being mature. I appreciate they're irrational. I loathe cockroaches.

However, surely if you have a phobia, the onus is on you to get help and get over it. Read some kind of book about dealing with it. Go see a hypnotherapist. Just don't go around killing things.

DownByTheRiverside · 19/08/2014 11:03

It is sad to see infants in the playground squashing spiders, ants, woodlice and anything else classified as a creepy-crawly. It distresses those children who live with people who are concerned about the welfare of the small and helpless.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 19/08/2014 11:03

YABU - would you have a hysterical screaming tantrum if you saw a spider during a job interview, or in any formal public situation? If not then you could have not had a tantrum ay your boyfriend. If you are so unable to cope around spiders that you would have screamed loudly and repeatedly during a job interview or in a restarant etc. then you absolutely should seek help dealing with it - CBT or gypnotherapy or whatever - see your GP if this really is a phobia which restricts you in life.

LadyLuck10 · 19/08/2014 11:05

If you were in the middle of a business meeting,doing a presentation or even an interview would you really have started screaming the way you did to your bf? Probably not.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 19/08/2014 11:06

at, hypnotherapy...

chocoluvva · 19/08/2014 11:07

Don't people swat flies though?

ICanSeeTheSun · 19/08/2014 11:08

When someone has a phobia then no situation a person would not be able to control their emotions.

DownByTheRiverside · 19/08/2014 11:08

No flyswatting, I open a window and I have foodstuffs covered if unattended.

Original poster
Beeyump · 19/08/2014 11:11

Oh you fly n spider loving saint, you.

OP posts:
DownByTheRiverside · 19/08/2014 11:14

I don't like dogs, if that helps. Grin
I'd happily zap the next one that runs up to me barking and leaping around.

Original poster
Beeyump · 19/08/2014 11:14

But if I was in an interview, I doubt the panel would pretend to throw the spider at me? No, I do see the point, and it does make me realise that I did not need to scream quite as much as I did. However, I have shrieked in a public setting on seeing a spider (MASSIVE) before. Hmm.

OP posts:
Gruntfuttock · 19/08/2014 11:14

OP, practise dealing with tiny spiders first, maybe using the glass and card method.

Original poster
Beeyump · 19/08/2014 11:15

Grin Riverside

OP posts:
LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 19/08/2014 11:15

You need to do something about your spider issue. Ok, he was an arse but screaming and shouting at someone as you did isn't ok. What would you have done if you were alone/he was scared of spiders too?

Go and get it sorted. Your behaviour was unreasonable (and so was his but 2 wrongs don't make a right and it's your issue)

I have a spider phobia too so I understand the awful feelings of panic. I use Dethlac to stop them invading the house in the first place, though.

Swipe left for the next trending thread