AIBU: MNHQ's thoughts and what you can do

[RowanMumsnet]

Hello there

We've seen a fair number of posts recently about AIBU, and specifically about whether there's a problem in terms of some posters being gratuitously aggressive, even if the posts aren't particularly guideline-breaking in any other way.

We've done some careful monitoring of AIBU over the last couple of weeks and... We agree. Quite a few threads in AIBU do seem to veer off into a pointlessly unpleasant direction with very little provocation.

So from now on, we're going be looking out for posters who seem to put the boot in a bit too readily, and we'll be dropping them "polite mails" asking them to draw their horns in a bit. (And then if they carry on, we'll take further action.)

We'll also remove the text from the header about AIBU not being a fight club, because it's possible that this was (perversely) prompting people to think it was a fight club.

We'd really, really like to enlist your help in making AIBU a more pleasant and constructive place to post.

First off, please don't feel you have wait for an MNHQ response: the MN forums are what you, collectively, make of them, and you can set the tone. If you think an OP is being rounded on, go on and post - and say (without making personal attacks) if you think other posts have crossed a line in terms of meanness or aggression. (Feel free to refer posters back to this thread!)

But also, please report. Not necessarily because you think a post is deletable, but if you think a poster could do with getting one of our polite mails.

To be completely clear: AIBU is exactly the same as all the other topics on Mumsnet, and the same rules apply. Ideally, we want MN to be a place where people can discuss, share, entertain each other, and seek advice and support. It's not a place for posters to take lumps out of each other for no reason, and with no intention of offering constructive/interesting/funny input.

Thanks,
MNHQ

I've used this name for my everyday posting for over 4 years (in that time i've used 2 other names once each). I post most days. I guess that makes me a regular.

I don't feel threatened by concern over cliques or oldies. I don't understand the defensiveness of some posters. If you're not guilty of being knowingly bitchy or unpleasant than you've got nothing to get twitchy about, surely? No ones accused anyone by name.

I haven't been here long, but I've noticed that there are cliques who follow each other like sheep: if one of them turns up on a thread all their buddies weigh in and threads turn really nasty and personal

I read this an awful lot on here but no one ever provides examples. Even when MNHQ ask for them then backtracking occurs.

Some of you have come up with some really good ideas with regard to how to prevent nastiness, but I think MNHQs idea has been the best, they've just asked us really nicely to simply

NOT POST LIKE ASSHATS

maybe we could see how that works first?

I hope MNHQ will take notice if reports of people who turn up and bitch about regulars then cry bully when the said regulars rightfully object.

Very disingenuous.

But people will post like asshats as long as they can keep name changing back into their 'nice' nickname that everyone knows and loves them in.

On most other forums, you can't name change. You can only open another account and if you get caught doing that, you get banned.

Yes, people should be able to name change...it's totally obvious why some people need to do it but unless HQ come up with a way to stop people from abusing it, there will always be a problem with trolls and goady fuckers.

Glad to see this thread MNHQ. AIBU has always been robust, but it used to be in a critical friend kind of way, with posters trying to debate and having proper discussions. It made you think and possibly reassess your own opinions. Posters took the time to explain why they thought you were being U or not U.

Now it often seems to just be how quickly the first person can pile in to take an OP down in as snidey a way as possible. When those people were more lone voices, they could be ignored or reasoned with. More often than not now though, they set the tone for a thread and others pile in along the same lines. It's like a mob mentality sometimes, which I think you can see by people feeling the need to stress when something is 'light-hearted' - even though it can still go tits-up. Bloody horrible. Hope it can change.

I name every few days, I'm paranoid!

I think this is a great thread and a good response from MNHQ.

I have always reported posters if I think they are deliberatly hounding the OP even if the poster isn't actually making personal attacks. The posts don't always get removed but I am always happy with the responses from MNHQ.

I have given this a lot of thought and I still think that if we had a hide poster function then a lot of the nastiness would be negated.

I seen several threads recently where the threads have been hijacked by one or two nasty posters. It would be so simple if you could just hide them.

Report people, dont just complain to each other.

Yes Worra but they can stop.

Ceasing asshattery is less work for everyone.

But they won't Honey, otherwise there would be no need for this thread

Imo they need to be restricted so it's not so easy for them.

What sort of threads Sticky do you consider not petty gripes, and could not go on a different board?

I don't get the "clique" thing. If a thread looks really cliquey and in-jokey, I just ignore it. I tend to respond to the "post" rather than the "poster" but it's funny how goady some people can be, you can see they've posted something provocative and nasty and can just imagine them sitting back at their keyboard salivating and desperately waiting for the OP to bite back.

HD. mumsnet have never allowed posters to name names. Which is part of the problem.

I've been here for about 10 years and would leave if NC'ing was banned. If you post on a variety of topics you may not realise how much of your life you give away. There are some weird people on here who randomly drag up information on posters in a stalker-like fashion and it's scary to read what they have retained or searched. I don't have anything to hide but at the same time I don't want people in RL knowing my personal details, feelings and thoughts if they accidently come across me on here, especially on things like mental health or multiple miscarriages etc. I'm sure others would stop posting in sensitive areas if they couldn't NC which would be a great loss to the forum.

I am glad MNHQ you're doing something about it. But it is not just AIBU, there are nasty posters spilling over on to Chat and Feminist threads.

There are cliques too, I have seen a few threads started by an OP and you get, why? what do you mean? why post on MN when should be strangling your DH? I bet your a troll thrown about. And the same few posters are I agree with so and so, oh I think you are too. I can think of a few names to be honest of posters who are like that.

To be fair, I don't think that it is just the female posters anymore, there are a few men like that on here. And I think it is generally accepted that there are journalists and even MPs with fake accounts on here stirring it up.

Benefits threads are a prime example.

I like being able to namechange even though I very rarely do.

What if AIBU could be disabled for a while? I don't see anything in here which couldn't go in another section - usually relationships, home related stuff, nursery/school related stuff and family relationships (should that be its own section?) Or just chat.

Would be interested to know how AIBU got started. Was it a common enough question that somebody decided that it needed its own section?

It has definitely got more fighty and reactionary in the five 1/2 years I've been here.

Personally I hate the idea of reporting people behind their backs. I can't remember everything I post, if people feel I've crossed the mark, I'd much rather be told on thread and in context.

So from now on, we're going be looking out for posters who seem to put the boot in a bit too readily, and we'll be dropping them "polite mails" asking them to draw their horns in a bit. (And then if they carry on, we'll take further action.)

Also, thinking about this ^^ part of Rowan's OP...

When they've taken 'further action' in the past with one or two regular posters and suspended their posting privileges, all hell has broken loose across the boards and MNHQ have had to repeatedly defend their actions.

So I do hope there will be no bias, due to the fact they don't want to have to deal with the fallout that often comes from banning/suspending a popular reg.

Queen Bees/Alphas usually don't see that there are cliques, or they do see it but won't admit it.
AIBU has turned in to fight club in all but name. If I had set up MN, I would withdraw the AIBU board.

Well in which case let's shut down the site.

I'm getting hugely pissed of with the whole handwringing of what we can dooooooo?!

Then is blaming of regulars/name changes/lunar cycle/topics

When really, people could just go, hmmmmmmn, maybe the others are right I am posting like a cunt.

It's all very well saying that if we did XYandZ than it wouldn't allow people to be cunty. But the point is this is a site for grown ups, and they should therefore be adult enough not to be an asshat.

MNHQ have finally given to go ahead for us to say "dude, you're postings out of order" with repercussion or being called the "thread police" and they are going to monitor and rein in the behaviour to themselves. Good for them and good for us.

So glad you are addressing this MNHQ

To prevent sockpuppeting - what if Tech could create a behind the scenes feature which flags up if a poster with one poster ID was posting on the same thread with 2 or more different usernames?

HQ could check out the thread and if it's someone adding personal info or a typo in a namechange, or a thread testing out special Christmas names or whatever, then no bother. But it would be immediately obvious if the poster had namechanged to be nasty, goady or start drama, and this would be independent of reports so might get picked up earlier or be helpful info in addition to this.