AIBU: MNHQ's thoughts and what you can do

[RowanMumsnet]

Hello there

We've seen a fair number of posts recently about AIBU, and specifically about whether there's a problem in terms of some posters being gratuitously aggressive, even if the posts aren't particularly guideline-breaking in any other way.

We've done some careful monitoring of AIBU over the last couple of weeks and... We agree. Quite a few threads in AIBU do seem to veer off into a pointlessly unpleasant direction with very little provocation.

So from now on, we're going be looking out for posters who seem to put the boot in a bit too readily, and we'll be dropping them "polite mails" asking them to draw their horns in a bit. (And then if they carry on, we'll take further action.)

We'll also remove the text from the header about AIBU not being a fight club, because it's possible that this was (perversely) prompting people to think it was a fight club.

We'd really, really like to enlist your help in making AIBU a more pleasant and constructive place to post.

First off, please don't feel you have wait for an MNHQ response: the MN forums are what you, collectively, make of them, and you can set the tone. If you think an OP is being rounded on, go on and post - and say (without making personal attacks) if you think other posts have crossed a line in terms of meanness or aggression. (Feel free to refer posters back to this thread!)

But also, please report. Not necessarily because you think a post is deletable, but if you think a poster could do with getting one of our polite mails.

To be completely clear: AIBU is exactly the same as all the other topics on Mumsnet, and the same rules apply. Ideally, we want MN to be a place where people can discuss, share, entertain each other, and seek advice and support. It's not a place for posters to take lumps out of each other for no reason, and with no intention of offering constructive/interesting/funny input.

Thanks,
MNHQ

Glad this is being addressed but I do think that it's not just limited to AIBU these days and you see some really shitty posts on other topics too now.

Last week I responded to a poster about a business idea she had and because she had accidentally started several threads about it posters just piled in to slate her and tell her what a shit idea her business was. Completely unnecessary responses and very nasty. The poster was quite new to MN so imagine the responses came as a bit of a shock.

I must be really thick as I haven't actually worked out how to name-change. :(

Staryyeyedsurprise that's what I do. I post honestly about my life experiences, and try to share advice, knowing that I do give away information which makes me pretty identifiable (not many people doing my job in my part of the country with other health/issues identifying me). I then completely change names every few months to stop this being an issue.

It would be no big deal for me if name-changes weren't allowed any more, but I just would have to stop posting on topics, especially work, that are very identifying.

Well done MNHQ. I've posted on a couple of AIBUs recently in defence of OPs. I will also start reporting. Some people are getting seriously unnecessarily aggressive.

When do the flashing tickers and photo signatures arrive? I'm all in favour of moderation on AIBU but stopping name changing, changing the name and focus of AIBU it's just baby steps towards the pointless saccharine forums we all come here to avoid.

Re NCing. I completely disagree with Roussette. Someone who wants to post a personal or delicate problem having to explain it to MNHQ to ask permission? OK if you want to say my fanjo is full of maggots, but if you want to ask about an abusive situation or something you are very very frighhtened about? not a chance. They'll go elsewhere or nowhere.

MN can deal with NCers as they are.

The name change thing - maybe allowing posters to only one new name per ... 6 months, say, would help? That way if you want to post about a delicate situation you can name change to do that, and keep that name if you want, but you cant generate any more names for 6 months.

This would mean a poster who name changes to bitch would have a limited no. of names to do it with. Only 2 a year in fact.

It would mean posters having to have more 'accountablility' for their posts, but still have 2 extra names a year to 'play with' for an exceptional circ..

usualsuspect - we don't need to hun to not act like cunts - it's perfectly possible to disagree without being disagreeable.

I'm glad this is being looked at, thanks.

I'm quick on the Report button usually, but yesterday I was confounded. Someone I recognise as a GF and have repeatedly reported posted a GF thread which quickly got the buns flying, and when I read it 100 or so posts in MNHQ had commented but lots of meanness and GFery remained. I didn't know what to think.

Why would it be so awful to explain the situation to MNHQ Jux , I'm just curious. I would have thought it would be far more scary to post on a public forum where anyone and their brother can read, even if you have NC'd.
Don't expect everyone (or indeed anyone ) to agree with me, 'tis just what I feel. Like fluffyraggies idea of just one NC in a set period of time. Obviously a subject like this is going to split opinions but I do agree with the more accountability thingy.

Name changing is the least of MN problems.
I haven't been here long, but I've noticed that there are cliques who follow each other like sheep: if one of them turns up on a thread all their buddies weigh in and threads turn really nasty and personal.
It's a pity because there is a LOT of useful info and support here. But it's getting to the point where I worry about saying anything and then being slagged off for no real reason.
Everyone's entitled to an opinion - sure, this is a democracy and we have freedom of speech. But so many posts are bordering on slander...
Men aren't the enemy. It's other women.

Roussette

I agree with you, I think the benefits of doing it that way far outweigh the negatives but that's my opinion I know the majority don't share it

I'm grateful that AIBU is being looked at. Sometimes I read the top 3 or 4 posts on a thread,see it is already a bun fight and can't be bothered. All too often those first few posts set the tone of the thread ime.

WRT namechanging, be grateful you don't know why people have to constantly namechanging, why they can't build up a posting history under one name for more than a few months at a time. There are a lot of us on here who did that once, who now can't, if the namechanging policy changes we'll have no choice but to leave!

zeeboo

When do the flashing tickers and photo signatures arrive? I'm all in favour of moderation on AIBU but stopping name changing, changing the name and focus of AIBU it's just baby steps towards the pointless saccharine forums we all come here to avoid.

Why on earth would you think that just because MNHQ want to stop the gratuitous aggression and unpleasantness that the site will suddenly become saccharine?

We come here because we like the straight-talking honesty. We don't - for the most part - come here because we want to see people attacked and sneered at.

Or do you?

I love AIBU, it's my main haunt and can be informative and a great laugh, when kept in the spirit of simple honesty and 'shooting from the hip' comments.

But it is the saddest thing to see someone hounded until they are distressed, in real time, in real life, to the point of tears and leaving the forum. I've seen it 3 times in the last few days. Makes me very uncomfortable and frankly ashamed to be a MNer. So i'm glad for this.

Oh, here we bloody go! Cliques are being brought into it now, next there'll be moans of Fb groups!

The comment after mine says it all.
(Why so defensive?!)

I haven't got an issue with people disagreeing with me.
It's how it's done.
Makes me uncomfortable and ashamed to be a MNer too.

Brilliant op!

Am personally in favour of "Petty Gripes".

I dont see or think that mumsnet need to lose face over it.

"Petty Gripes" would be a clean slate, a new beginning.

Agree flufflyraggies[only seen one thread like that]

Just because it didnt break Talk Guidelines, that didnt mean that common sense shouldnt prevail , and that the thread should be allowed to stay.