..to insist dd invites Dsd to party.

[Sassyb0703]

dd 2 is having a big end of term party tomorrow. The deal is huge tent in the garden, I provide pasta/sauce supper they bring own snacks and entertain themselves. Have done this a couple of times for older dc and all gone well.. The problem I need advice about is as follows. We are a large family, I have 4dc Dh has 4. He has his eow (just the youngest 2 now as folders are late teens and visit/stay when they want). Dd who is having party is 12yrs .Dsd 2 who is with us for the weekend is also 12yrs. Her younger sister Dsd 3 is 8yrs. I have insisted that Dd2 invites Dsd2 to join in. Dd2 is furious. She says she won't know any of her friends, besides 'she is so babyish and uncool' She also points out that Dsd is her step sis and not her mate and they have nothing in common. In dd2 defence I do see they are very different. Dd is a typical 12yr old goes to excellent large state comprehensive, has much older siblings and has matured faster.. Dsd2 goes to single sex small private school and hangs out with her younger sister. Dd is all about boys, make up music, Dsd gets the giggles if a boy who isn't her brother talks to her. Dd wants my DH to take his girls out for evening rather than force her to be at the party. We have been a joined family for 7 yrs and these two get on fine, but will never be close friends. Aibu to say she is your sister invite her !! ?

No one should have to be taken out to avoid a party. It's not likely the younger one will want to stay when it's clear she hasn't much in c

Sorry, much in common with other party goers, but she should be able to pop in for a drink etc. I think your dd's attitude sucks tbh.

Of course she should invited its just cruel not to

Of course she has to invite her. What a terrible message to DSD otherwise.

In fact I'd be of the opinion no invite for dsd= no party

Yanbu, your dd is being absolutely horrible in the way she's speaking about your dsd. It may only be her step sister but you've all been together 7 years. Your DH should not have to take his dd out.

Well, personally I think DSD is the more typical 12 year old, rather than being all about boys, make-up and music.

I think DS is being rather unkind in excluding her. How would she feel if she went to stay at a house where a party was being held for her age group, and she was sent out of the house for the evening instead of being included? Try and encourage a little empathy for others. She should be introducing DSD to a couple of her nicer friends and learning about hospitality and how to manage groups and parties so everyone has fun. Very useful skills.

Wow you dd sounds quiet selfish ( sorry). I'd cancel the whole thing at this stage.

I would have had it as a joint party tbh, and invited some so DSDs friends too, as it's her end of term too.

However, since you haven't done that, then yes, DSD absolutely should be included, it's her (part time) home after all.

I think your DD needs a good talking to as well!

YANBU, if the girls are the same age then your dd needs to understand that she cannot exclude a step sibling.

I'd be warning her that there will be no party should she continue with that attitude.

Exactly as wishful says. No dsd, no party. It would be absolutely cruel to leave her out even if it's not her weekend to be there. You shouldn't even be considering your dds nonsense.

It seems unkind not to invite her. Could she go to the party with one of her own friends too so that she isn't left out? Or at least be asked if she wants to - she might not want to if she has so little in common with your DD.

Er, of course she has to invite her.

No discussion.

No way I would allow dsd to be excluded if she was around that weekend in fact I would be encouraging her to invite some of her own friends over as well if it is an end of term party and not a b'day party. She may not want to hang out with dd and her friends but it should be up to her and I would hope that they would be nice to her and include her.

I think your dd's attitudes sucks as well and so does yours. Why is this even a question? She invites her and that's that.

I would be saying we are a family and we treat each other with respect. You are clearly not treating DSD with respect and as a result suspend priviledges.
The one thing you do not want is a precendent being set of them and us.

There can be no leaving out...her DSS is her DSS! She's there...she's part of the picture...she'll have to pull herself together and realise that this is it! Her family.

And I agree that it should have been a joint party. As it is I would see if any of DSD friends can come at this late notice.

i also agree that your DD is behaving poorly and she needs to learn around kindness, decency asap!

Dd wants my DH to take his girls out for evening rather than force her to be at the party. thats fucking AWFUL OP

Agree with everyone else. Your DD needs to be told that her behaviour is completely unacceptable.

I agree with everyone that you dd's attitude sucks- in my house it would be invite those who we have to (e.g. sometimes friends of ours' children come along) and your mates or no-one comes. Quite simple.

However, it does sound like with your dd2's attitude, she may also exclude your dsd if she does come along. Would dsd really want to attend?

If your dd2 is going to roll her eyes and gossip about her, then I would send them out to have a nice evening with dad. But, at parties in family houses, you do normally get families around as well as invitees (parents, older rellies, younger kids)!

Probably too late to work on your dd's attitude, but I wouldn't be letting her have another party on this basis til she was nicer.

I'd actually give DSC the choice - would you like to come to DDs party, or would you prefer to have an evening out with you dad and sister?

If DSC would rather go to the party then that's what happens and DD gets no say. DD needs to sort her attitude out! Also being all about boys and make up at 12 is nothing to be proud about.

If you had said DD and step sister fight, don't get on or step sister is horrible to her then that would be different. But excluding your step sister because she's on 'cool' enough is horrible.