..to insist dd invites Dsd to party.

[Sassyb0703]

dd 2 is having a big end of term party tomorrow. The deal is huge tent in the garden, I provide pasta/sauce supper they bring own snacks and entertain themselves. Have done this a couple of times for older dc and all gone well.. The problem I need advice about is as follows. We are a large family, I have 4dc Dh has 4. He has his eow (just the youngest 2 now as folders are late teens and visit/stay when they want). Dd who is having party is 12yrs .Dsd 2 who is with us for the weekend is also 12yrs. Her younger sister Dsd 3 is 8yrs. I have insisted that Dd2 invites Dsd2 to join in. Dd2 is furious. She says she won't know any of her friends, besides 'she is so babyish and uncool' She also points out that Dsd is her step sis and not her mate and they have nothing in common. In dd2 defence I do see they are very different. Dd is a typical 12yr old goes to excellent large state comprehensive, has much older siblings and has matured faster.. Dsd2 goes to single sex small private school and hangs out with her younger sister. Dd is all about boys, make up music, Dsd gets the giggles if a boy who isn't her brother talks to her. Dd wants my DH to take his girls out for evening rather than force her to be at the party. We have been a joined family for 7 yrs and these two get on fine, but will never be close friends. Aibu to say she is your sister invite her !! ?

Its not the same thing, not at all. Your sibling is your sibling, you've known them forever, you share deep ties.
A parent can marry someone with children and SAY: this kid here that will come and stay every few weeks is now your sibling, treat them as such. But it doesn't have to mean anything to either child. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but you can't make new siblings with words.

whoa!!! way too many assumptions there, grockle! 'known them forever'? not where siblings are far apart in age or living separately. or again, arrive thru adoption. 'share deep ties'? such as what? this may or may not be true. 'come and stay every few weeks'? what about those who live together fulltime?
There is far more variety in circumstance and relationship than you suggest there.
The thing that creates a relation (but no, not a relationship!) between children is the decision of adults. in every case.

If dd asked for no siblings to be at her party, then I think it's is fair enough. As people have said, dsd would probably not enjoy the party anyway, so why not just treat her as a member of the family and have your dh take ALL the other children apart from dd out for a fun night out whilst it is on.

I personally think that saying that the dd has to have her dss at her party but it's ok to consciously have the part another day when she isn't there is wrong in some ways.

Either it's ok for the dsd to be there and there us no reason to make special arrangements. Whatever happens happen and in that case a party for the end if school happen on a weekend when she us here.
Or it's ok for the dd to say that she doesn't want her step sister to be there and she should be able to do that even when her step sister is here. Otherwise either, the reasons for the dsd not to come aren't actually strong enough. Or you are teaching the dd to be hypocritical and lie (oh that would be do nice to have dsd there! When she just hates the concept).

I comeyy agree that sycamore point, teenagers and adult at are allowed privacy and it's not because you are living in the same house/are somehow related that it allows you you to butt in whatever party there is. At the very least out if respect from the party organiser, her feelings and right to see/invite whoever she want.
We aren't talking about 6yo there. But of a teenager who is suppose to be able to look after herself for sever weeks during the hols, see whatever friends she sees fit etc. but somehow because wears taking about a dsd then it's different? I'm sure that if the question had being for two siblings, the answers would have been very different.

'I'm sure that if the question had being for two siblings, the answers would have been very different.'

Nope.

I never make my children invite each other to their parties. DD is 14, DS1 is 9, 10 soon and is having a Lego party at home. DD will probably stay in her room or go to a friends. She might come down for cake, I don't know.
She had a sleepover and went bowling for her birthday. DH took DS1,DS2 and DS3 for the day.

I think it is odd to just single out the 12 year olds and force them together because they are the same age.

And I think it's odd to make one 12 year old girl stay in one room while a group of 12 year old girls are in another room.

Why is it odd if they aren't really close and one of the 12 year olds won't really know anyone at the party?

Because she'll be in the house when the party is going on!

I find it bizarre that people would think it okay to tell a 12 year old girl, whether it's a step sister, a cousin, or even someone they've never met before, that they're not allowed attend a party being held in the house they're in.

I agree with you squoosh. It seems as clear as day to me, but apparently there are some odd people here who would see the sd made to sit it out. Including her own father.
Fucking weird if you ask me.

I think that it is skewed because they are the same age.

Are all other siblings invited?

If it's an outdoor do, step daughter won't have to confine herself to her room.

Just to update. Party happened Friday evening, very pleased to say that dd went straight up to Dsd as soon as dad bought them over and asked if she wanted to join in. They were having a water fight and dd had saved a pistol for Dsd...so everybody happy ...until one of party guests snuck up behind Dsd and 'shot' her. Queue all hell breaking loose ! full on mega tantrum at what Dsd considered unfair play... Party guests genuinely gobsmacked. Dh tried to jolly her out of it but with such huge audience there was no way she was going to stop.. so left her to it, party moved to different parts of garden and carried on, without attention Dsd calmed down, rejoined party for 20 mins before youngest Dsd suggested daddy took them both of camping for the night..which both girls eager to do....problem solved...NEVER AGAIN will I agree to a party that is child specific (ie not a family event) when Dsd is visiting, if can't be done on 'off weekend' it will not happen.

I think that sounds very sensible OP. x

I don't think your dd should be made to invite her.

If dsd will be there because it's her wend with her dad then that's a bit different.

Yabu. Age difference is too big.