AIBU to be annoyed at 'girl' judging our family dynamics.

[madchocolatemum48]

A group of friends of a neighbour and I were chatting at a party over the weekend.
We were getting acquainted with the usual "What do you do?" "How many children?".......etc etc.
I said dh & i have been married nearly 20 years, 2 children, I'm a SAHM. Ended with saying "You know, the usual traditional family"
A young woman who had already stated she had 3 kids by 3 fathers, never married, pipes up " Fuc#ing hell, didn't know people still did that old b¤llsh!t stuff"

Is it 'old-fashioned' to be a traditional family now? Maybe she just made me feel old, but I wouldn't have made a derogatory comment about her family dynamics.

well whoredom wasn't on our school curriculum. See you got an A + tho.

how very dickish.

This cannot be real, no one is that much of a dick surely?

.....and I'm talking about the op in case that wasn't clear, op.

""Birds. May I ask where you gather that information that o.p is hardworking. She is a sahm""

Well the OP loves summing her family up in phrases that would normally come out of a Tory leaders mouth.

So I wondered if her "traditional" family was also "hardworking", or she could choose any other buzz words favoured by Cameron, or Farage.

A woman didn't have worth until she married and then she was trapped, in some cases, the lucky ones were the ones that died in childbirth.

"Traditional" has connotations. It's used by all extremists groups when they want to remove Women's Rights.

There is a value judgement behind it, like it or not.

OP, people make derogatory comments about my family dynamics all the time.

The fact that we all eat together around the table; the fact that no one has a TV or console in their bedroom; the fact that my kids didn't get laptops till they were 16; the fact that my kids, on the whole, behave themselves and there are consequences such as grounding if they don't.

Most of the people making the comments lead pretty chaotic lives themselves. I would never be so ill mannered as to criticise them, but apparently I'm fair game.

Just a) because the word "traditional" is not a neutral term - it has a lot of baggage implying superior, correct, right, how things should be done and have always been done and b) because it's a myth - a traditional family is NOT 2 children, father working outside the home, mother solely responsible for childcare and not engaged in work to bring in money

Ha!

Bye mad

Really Tinkly? People really comment on those things? What do they say exactly?

If I went to someone's company who I didn't know. I wouldn't dream of asking such personal questions about partners, children careers. You find out all those things naturally

God it really pisses me off that people think women IN THEIR 20s shouldn't be having children
#hadmy3inmy20$

Most of the people making the comments lead pretty chaotic lives themselves. I would never be so ill mannered as to criticise them, but apparently I'm fair game.

really? single parents (because I think that's who you're having a dig at) lead chaotic lives and are therefore not capable of instilling discipline in their children or eating round a table or anything else you consider worthy of the 'traditional' family?

you know me? you know my life is chaotic? or you think my life is chaotic because I'm a single parent?

"I have two and that's my husband - over there". Sometimes, I'll wickedly add, "Where's yours?"

I'd reply "under the patio, with the last cheeky fucker who made that dig"

I have also been asked whether mine have the same dad too. As if it's anyone else's business

I have a hard time believing that Tinkly. In fact, I call bullshit on anyone giving anything but compliments for well behaved children.

We eat around the table every night and none of my children has a lap top. They also behave themselves although we have televisions in every room.

I don't feel judged at all. No one has every made a derogatory comment about any of the above. Where on earth do you live?

And bwah ha ha ha at traditional family meaning two children. Yeah only if you had a very early menopause or died in your twenties.

Some people really do have a sketchy understanding of modern social history don't they?

Squiggly don't you know that stable families with resources are the new oppressed minority?

It must be hell

I'm Judy, Single Mum of Olivia and Max, both fathered by different men who I never married - in fact I've never been married. Pleased to meet you, and do tell - who fathered your kids then?"

love it. Such witty responses are the reason I love these goady wind-up threads.

Tonde, well other people use traditional to mean old fashioned. So if I were at that party I would have to use the context to interpret whether OP was being (a) superior, (b) self effacing as she knew others saw it as old fashioned or (c) descriptive. Single words have many layers of meaning and mean different things to different people which is why it is pretty hard to so certainly know what someone meant to lay rip into them.

Anyone who says "I wasnt judging, even though...." is judging. You know you were and so did she.

I will not embarrass myself by getting involved any more with this conversation.
I am appalled and disgusted at the direction this post has taken. There seems to be a lot of easily offended people out there attacking and judging me.
Good luck to you all.

Aww, diddums. Poor you being judged

And by old fashioned I meant not in a good way. For example I have heard the term ' traditional' used disparagingly to describe other people 's parenting styles.

I've been asked that too, if my children have the same Dad? I've been asked more than once. Next time (after reading this thread) I shall respond like this " why are you asking? Would you ask a married person that question? "

Squiggly don't you know that stable families with resources are the new oppressed minority?

I didn't realize!

Oh those poor things. I'm so glad they soldier on, despite all the odds.

At least they can take solace in the fact that now they're oppressed and discriminated against, their life can have meaningful purpose if they continue to do these things. Otherwise they just wouldn't be able to justify trying to force their beliefs on others.

OwlCapone Because I'm one of those old fashioned people who assume that, if you have children, you must be are married.

How odd for the girl woman to tell everyone that her three children all have different fathers. It sounded like bragging.