AIBU to be annoyed at 'girl' judging our family dynamics.

[madchocolatemum48]

A group of friends of a neighbour and I were chatting at a party over the weekend.
We were getting acquainted with the usual "What do you do?" "How many children?".......etc etc.
I said dh & i have been married nearly 20 years, 2 children, I'm a SAHM. Ended with saying "You know, the usual traditional family"
A young woman who had already stated she had 3 kids by 3 fathers, never married, pipes up " Fuc#ing hell, didn't know people still did that old b¤llsh!t stuff"

Is it 'old-fashioned' to be a traditional family now? Maybe she just made me feel old, but I wouldn't have made a derogatory comment about her family dynamics.

We may judge hickory, but we wouldn't be so rude about it.

For the record OP - I got married in my late 20s and have 3 children, so fairly traditional - I still think you were a cow.

Yes when exactly is the switch from girl to woman? 26yrs 3 months 2 weeks and a day? Or?

minnie that's one of the most poisonous posts I have ever read on here. It didn't surprise me to see YOUR user name above it. When I think how nice a "hide poster" facility would be, it's usually you I am thinking of.

OP you sound like a right dick.

So despite knowing others in the group were single parents or divorced, you still decided to announce yourself as the 'usual traditional family'? Nice.

I have the 'traditional family' you talk of and yes, your comment is still wankerish.

op the 1950's called - they want their traditional family back

Do people usually include background on the parentage of their children, and marital status both now and in the past, as part of the very first conversation at a neighbor's barbeque? Job andchildren yes, maybe a mention of partner if tbere, or that s/he had to work today or whatdver, but never heard "I'm Judy, Single Mum of Olivia and Max, both fathered by different men who I never married - in fact I've never been married. Pleased to meet you, and do tell - who fathered your kids then?"

ican you become a woman on your wedding day, silly -every traditional-body knows that :o

I think the other woman was being defensive - traditional doesn't imply 'good' or best. Perhaps she is used to criticism and assumed you were criticising her.

Probably safest in future not to use any adjective to describe your family set up.

This bit: "I wasn't judging her" conflicts with this bit "even though I did think she was rather young to have 3 children"

So: "I wasn't judging her, even though I was judging her."

Judge not, lest ye be judged, OP. That traditional enough for ya?

My mistake Mr Tumbles!! Being a girl and all that I haven't quite worked it all out yet you see!

I like MrTumblesBavarianFanbase's comment.

That said, I have to say that I'm also a 'traditional' family member but, when meeting new people, don't go into conversations with that phraseology. "I have two and that's my husband - over there". Sometimes, I'll wickedly add, "Where's yours?"

You weren't judging her?

What exactly is there to judge?

I love the responses here.

I don't believe a word of the op.

Nothing worse than calling a grown woman a girl.

Who the fuck calls themselves "a traditional family?"

I don't believe a bloody word of this!

If we are being historically accurate, a "traditional family" would not involve either two children OR being a stay at home mum.

I normally say we are currently in tradtional roles, previously reversed, this is what works for use at the moment.

I think it sounds as though she has the issue an didnt need to be so rude about. I really do not know why other people cant repsect other peoples choices. I wouldnt want to live in free love commune but I dont condemn others for wanting to.

Why is the OP seen as having a dig just because she stated a fact about her set - it is tradiitional in the past tense though is less so nowadays?

I dont think it is an old fashioned thing to have a parent at home, it is a parenting choice some people have had the opportuniy to make. How does she know you if you have a career behind you. She sounds in your face rude for someone you just met.

"You know, the usual traditional family"

Who would say that in real life?

If they make a film of this thread, I vote Penelope Keith for the OP

"I have two and that's my husband - over there". Sometimes, I'll wickedly add, "Where's yours?"

Why would you add that?

Problem with putting yourself on a pedestal is you become a target. Quite rightly in this case. In my opinion.

Like fuck did that conversation happen like that.

I'm for a BBQ tomorrow night with people I've never met before. Should I introduce myself like this :

"Hello I'm Ivory. Mother to three, large, medium and small Ivory, all by the same father from whom I am now divorced because he was dipping his wick elsewhere. I had the first when I was 20 and a girl and the last when I was 32 and a woman."

You sound smug and you did judge her and she called you on it and I say good for her.

Mad. You're still doing it (judging.)
women/men can become lone parents for lots of reasons. i.e death of a partner desertion or abuse, or is a women/man supposed to stay with an abusive partner and have her children terrified because you dislike lone parents.
How dare you judge lone parents. My nan brought up three children alone (divorced from abusive partner) if that's okay with you. She worked 2 jobs and bearly saw my mum or my uncles, but she had no choice, she didn't want to go on the social they called it U.A.B back then, as she wanted to set a good example.
I too have raised my d.d single handedly and done so very well.

And yes, as a PP said, how far back are we going for traditional? Girls getting married at 12 and having 18 kids? Or just to the 18 kids and no contraceptive options? Or when exactly?