AIBU to be annoyed at 'girl' judging our family dynamics.

[madchocolatemum48]

A group of friends of a neighbour and I were chatting at a party over the weekend.
We were getting acquainted with the usual "What do you do?" "How many children?".......etc etc.
I said dh & i have been married nearly 20 years, 2 children, I'm a SAHM. Ended with saying "You know, the usual traditional family"
A young woman who had already stated she had 3 kids by 3 fathers, never married, pipes up " Fuc#ing hell, didn't know people still did that old b¤llsh!t stuff"

Is it 'old-fashioned' to be a traditional family now? Maybe she just made me feel old, but I wouldn't have made a derogatory comment about her family dynamics.

I have a very traditional family.
My DH had lung and joint problems exacerbated by his work.

I was widowed young, had to move back to were I grew up and relied on my Mum for child care.

Even if I had of lived two hundred years ago, I wouldn't of died in childbirth (I needed no intervention, not even stitches).

Do I win a prize?

I think Tinky means despite of her childrens good upbringing people still judge her because of her family dynamics.

happy
They are not real people.

Do you ever wonder why you have no friends?Are you an expat? Just that it seems odd to call someone with 3 children a 'girl'.Are you used to people being subservient or just having servants?

I m married, people have asked if it's my second marriage too. I don't know wtf is wrong with people tbh (I am mid 30s with two teenagers, one in primary) it's obviously really fucking odd
!Not! #marywhitehouseexperience

Why did you feel the need to add "the usual traditional family"?

I'm almost in one that is as near as dammit but would see no need to mention it. I certainly wasn't brought up in one. If you'd said that to me I'd have inwardly rolled my eyes and assumed you vote UKIP.

I read the 'usual, traditional' bit as being self-deprecating, not a dig.

I get asked if all my kids have the same father quite a lot.
Total strangers ask me!
My kids are mixed race. I suspect that has something to do with it.

Some even phrase it 'different dads?'

Now I just say 'no, and one of them doesn't even have the same mother' and leave them baffled (one of mine is adopted).

You brought it on yourself with that wanky comment

With bells on.

Wow, didn't anticipate so much hostility to be honest. Obviously there are a lot of 'non-traditional' families out there. Didn't realize the term offended so many.

I am a married SAHM mum with a veeeeerrrrrry 'traditional' rural family - but I still think that was a dickish thing to say.

Chinny reckon.

It was a 'hi, I'm Pippa, I do whatever' conversation and she said 'hi, I've got three kids by different Dads and never married'. Odd conversation opener.

This is one of those weird MN specials where OP is not overtly rude and other person is, then wannabe contrarian MNers come on and say OP is the unreasonable one.

Back in the real world, other person is actually the chippy nightmare evening-spoiler you can't wait to see the back of, and OP a nice person.

(Assuming any of it is true).

The reason I used the word 'girl' was because she was in her early 20's.

So as well as making me think you are a UKIP voter you are also a feature writer for The Sun or The Daily Mail.

No I'm not bullshitting. My Mum and my sister take the piss all the time that I am some massive disciplinarian. My sister's kids are absolutely out of control but I would never comment on it to her.

My teens have been jibed loads of times about us eating round the table and lack of electronics. My kids are far too nice to jibe back about them having neglectful parents.

I'm not trying to make out I'm some sort of oppressed minority. I'm confident in my own choices. I wouldn't dream of commenting on other people but they are happy to comment on me.

I'm sorry if I've made posters cross but my posts were supposed to be tongue in cheek.

I cannot understand why some appear from nowhere and become opponents instead of just joining in the conversation. I was married, had two children and for those of you who brought up the subject my dear husband died 3 years ago so I am aware that a single parent is not necessarily an unmarried mother.

I hope I've used no controversial phrases in this post. However I write it, it's just how I am.

It's that you said you ask "wickedly" I didn't understand that, are you hoping to put that person on the spot, embarrass them?

We eat round the table all the time. In almost 20 years as a parent I've never had a comment on it. We have had comments on their behaviour being good, but people can see that when we are out and about.

I don't tend to introduce myself as "Fairy, mum of 2, still married to their father, both boys have the same father, we eat round the table every night, they eat like horses, work hard at school, are nice kids despite having TVs, laptops and iPads!" Who does? .

Don't most people say their name and then say how many kids they have if asked, or am I out the loop and you're meant to have a biography written to hand out now?

I am 30, I had Dd1 when I was eighteen, married her father on my 21st birthday worked p/t till she was 4, have since had 3 more dcs, am a SAHM still married to the same man who is father to all 4 dcs.

I would not appreciate your comment either op.

Hang on, where did I say I'm traditionally married with two kids. I'm not.

I really hate this culture of disbelief on mumsnet. If it outside some people's personal experience then they insist it is some sort of Fairytale.

It is quite common, in my experience, to be criticised for getting "above yourself". And that can cover all sorts of things from eating round the table to not wanting your twelve year old to have an alcopop at a family barbecue.

Why the fuck does having lots of electronics mean you are a neglectful parent? And I say that as someone with one TV for a family of 5 (OP would not approve, I've not taken DH's name and earn more than him) and a stupid mobile that can't even take photos. It's a shorthand for class distinction but last time I checked, the vast majority of working class parents love their children too and (shock horror) some 'naice' white middle class people abuse children.

We eat in front of the tv :o

Happy. I can only speak for myself here, and I am willing to accept you mad your comment as tongue in cheek. However on these threads noone can see if you're joking or not. People myself included just see smug judgey words go on the defensive and attack. It's only human nature.
One thing I will say I applaud you for saying sorry. it takes guts

I suppose happy asks "and where's yours" wickedly because she is pretty sick of being asked to begin with.

If I was asked "where is your husband" when I clearly wasn't with someone, and I had to reply with "he is dead", I'd probably add a wicked "and where's yours" as well. hoping secretly he was chatting someone up over the prawn skewers

Oooooh! I'm married, and technically have 2 kids and one on the way! Am I traditional enough?

had first child before the wedding and was pregnant with the second during it so probably very traditional for modern times

I had a woman ask if DS was from a one night stand once.

Conversation went like this

My friend: "aunt X this is Stop, she's miniStop's mum, you know ministop who come over to play with minime?"

Aunt X: "oh yes, i know ministop. Lovely to meet you. are you just finishing work?"

Me: "yes, just thought i'd drop in with friend on the way home"

Aunt X "will hubby not be waiting on his dinner?"

Me: " oh, i'm not married"

Aunt X " Oh! So is ministop from a one night stand then? Har de har har"

Me: " No!"

Friend