AIBU to be annoyed at 'girl' judging our family dynamics.

[madchocolatemum48]

A group of friends of a neighbour and I were chatting at a party over the weekend.
We were getting acquainted with the usual "What do you do?" "How many children?".......etc etc.
I said dh & i have been married nearly 20 years, 2 children, I'm a SAHM. Ended with saying "You know, the usual traditional family"
A young woman who had already stated she had 3 kids by 3 fathers, never married, pipes up " Fuc#ing hell, didn't know people still did that old b¤llsh!t stuff"

Is it 'old-fashioned' to be a traditional family now? Maybe she just made me feel old, but I wouldn't have made a derogatory comment about her family dynamics.

It's the "traditional family" that would get my goat and I have a fricking "traditional family" set up. It's really quite offensive and you come off as being an judging old fuddy duddy TBH.

Who meets someone for the first time, says Hi then launches into who youre married to, how many children you have and what you do for a living?

I wouldn't introduce myself like that.

Stop posting- it's obviously made up!

happy I don't understand what you mean by "wickedly" asking where someone's husband is?

Are you trying to embarrass them, put them on the spot? I hope I have misunderstood you.

""Why is the OP seen as having a dig just because she stated a fact about her set - it is tradiitional in the past tense though is less so nowadays?""

Well the OP has a traditional set up as in the 1950, however the younger woman has the traditional set up at the Turn of the 19th Century.

I would consider the OP ill educated if I heard her come out with such bull shit.

OP is your family one of those "hard working families" DC loves?

Happyagain just waiting for the day you wickedly get the response "six feet under"

Classy stuff on this thread.

Can people really not work out that they probably never know the full story about someone else's life and especially not when first meeting them.

That's nice Happy - I'd reply 'mine ran off with another woman when my baby was 6mths old ...be careful with the smugness there wont you'

my friend would reply 'the selfish bastard died of cancer when I was pregnant'

my you are 'wicked' aren't you ...and fucking nasty

Birds. May I ask where you gather that information that o.p is hardworking. She is a sahm. Her kids are I assume at school, and of course it's a job in itself. However. I bet if a single mum was on here saying she stayed at home, you'd view her as unemployed. Why is o.p any different to a single parent who doesn't work, because she comes from a traditional family.
Oh and fyi. I am a single working mum.

Happy you're wickedness is beyond belief. You'll look well if a women answered. My husband has died.

What do people understand by "traditional" then? I think "old school", "the way things were done in the past". By that definition I don't think the OP said anything out of order. Is being married with two kids something we are supposed to be all self effacing about now?

Yes when exactly is the switch from girl to woman?

Legal adulthood is a good place to start. Where I live that's 18.

Happy, one day someone will reply "he's dead" and you'll feel like a twat, but you'll have set yourself up for that.

People are weird.

Birds was being sarcastic

I think it is prefacing "traditional" with "usual" that adds the sting to the tail - "usual traditional" implies anything else is "unusual". You could say "normal traditional" and that's the same meaning - anything else is "abnormal".

I despair really. Glad I don't meet people irl who are like the arseholes on MN.

I'd reply "he shagged someone else and left me when my youngest was small and my oldest was in the middle of exams and strangely that has made me careful about who I bring into my kids lives" happy what would you say to that?

I'm not what the OP is calling "traditional" but it's not by MY choice. It's down to a man who couldn't keep it in his trousers, does that make me one of those "deserving" "girls" who isn't to blame then, or am I feckless for having chosen him so badly in the first place?

This thread is horrible.

I will not embarrass myself by getting involved any more with this conversation.
I am appalled and disgusted at the direction this post has taken. There seems to be a lot of easily offended people out there attacking and judging me.
Good luck to you all.

Whether we like it or not, most people would judge a single mother with 3 children by 3 dads.

'Most people' I know ^wouldn't* judge a single mother with 3 children with 3 dads. Most people I know judge a person on their personality, their likes, dislikes, what they have in common with them....I personally make a point of only hanging out with people who understand that shit happens and sometimes, with the best will in the world, life throws dirty great curve balls we weren't expecting. So please, keep your judgements to yourself because we're not all like you and thankfully, I know there are plenty of people out there who aren't either.

I'm a single mother with three children. I was married when I had them and they all have the same dad. Sometimes I get asked that question - always women (never men - interesting) who have 'traditional' family set ups and who are looking, in my opinion, to have a 'dig'. I don't fit the stereotype 'cos I've got an old TV, own my own home, no benefits, full time job. People don't like that 'cos it doesn't quite fit what they expect of 'single mum of 3' so they seek out a reason to judge me. When they realise my children have the same father, they start on my relationship with my ex and ask very pointed questions about how long we were together before we married and had children - again, looking for something to judge me on, looking for a reason to suddenly yell at me 'hurrah! that's why you're a single mum and that's why it would never happen to me!'. Some people treat single parenthood like it's a very, very infectious disease and look to make sure they're immune. There's no immunity. Only a lot of luck.

We put up with a lot of very passive-aggressive crap. This is one very fine example of that.

Sorry, I genuinely don't get why the term traditional family causes so much hostility. It seems as if people are understanding 'traditional' family to mean 'correct' or 'best' family set up. I don't see it as meaning that. I just understand it to mean the family set up which used to be the norm for well off families ( being as poorer families seem to be overlooked when the past is conceived of in popular imagination).
Other people may want to attach a value to this family set up but I wouldn't assume anyone using this term saw it as as a preferable set up unless the context indicated this.
I think it is pretty judged pants to assume someone using this term is being judgey pants, tbh.
There are good and bad traditions, fgm being an example of a bed tradition. So i see the term traditional as value free in itself.

Anyone else got 'girl, you'll be a woman soon' going through their head?

OP, before you leave, can you really not see how offensive your comment is? Really? I understand if you don't post again, but have a think about WHY we are all reacting this way. Because honestly, if this is real, wouldn't you be concerned you had potentially upset someone by your comment?

at 'appalled and disgusted'

I was on the fence as to whether this was a wind up until that!

I agree Just.

There seems to be a lot of easily offended people out there attacking and judging me.

There's been studies that show that when you're annoyed or upset with someone it's because you see that part of them as a flaw in yourself. :)