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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think the way we choose to live is our business!

212 replies

RecallReg · 18/05/2014 20:54

We live as self sufficiently as possible, in all respects. We have some very basic principles, we wish to have as little environmental impact as possible and value people, relationships and time with others above things and possessions. This is just what we think, we try not to impose this others and live quite quietly. We buy household things and clothes from charity shops, we recycle and re-use, we make what we can, we grow all our own veg and fruit, rear some meat and have a deal with a local farmer for the rest. We both have jobs but only work to what we need, we are not rich but we are very, very happy as are our two beautiful children.
Today we went to Sil birthday. As a present I had made her a summer type shawl, a cake, some scones and jam and some home-made wine. I had put a lot of effort into the shawl which was made from a unwanted wedding dress, so really beautiful material. Sil and other Sil got drunk and started mocking our gifts, 'why couldn't we be normal?', 'a bottle of perfume would have been better', 'did we really think others liked this sort of thing' and 'we were just weird and our children would grow up weird' 'we owed it to our children to let them grow up in the real world'. I was deeply, deeply offended by these comments, and then felt even worse when they started almost attacking us by getting very aggressive and trying to get us to justify the way we lived. I basically said what I have in the first paragraph, then we left, DH was mortified (there his sil's!) and really angry. I know they were being rude and unreasonable, but AIBU to think I shouldn't have to justify our lifestyle to others just because we choose to live differently, this is no-ones concern but ours surely?

OP posts:
SugarMiceInTheRain · 18/05/2014 20:56

What rude gits. I think your presents sound lovely and agree that how you choose to live is none of their business.

GrassIsSinging · 18/05/2014 20:57

They sound horrible! Really...am astounded they were so rude. Is your SIL normally this vicious? Was she drunk? I am not surprised you are hurt! Most people learn to smile and say thank you when they receive a gift at the age of about 5 yrs old!

PatrickStarisabadbellend · 18/05/2014 20:57

They sound like complete gobshites.

Objection · 18/05/2014 20:58

SILs sound like complete cuts.

I don't use that word lightly but sounds like they earn it Angry

TequilaMockingbirdy · 18/05/2014 20:58

That's absolutely disgusting.

I would have absolutely LOVED to have received those gifts. So much better than cliche perfume that you can buy yourself whenever. Your gifts had real heart in them.

I think how you are living is something to be proud of IMO, sod them.

Objection · 18/05/2014 20:59

*cunts but your probably got that Grin

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 18/05/2014 20:59

No, you don't have to justify it to anyone.

You should have told them to fuck right off and flounced out with your lovely gifts in hand. I'd have been delighted that you went to all that trouble. Spending money takes a mere moment. Time and effort is a great deal more precious to decent people.

KERALA1 · 18/05/2014 21:00

Awful - poor you. I have learned to keep quiet about my small leanings in your direction (mooncup reuse able nappies etc) as people can be so sneery

squoosh · 18/05/2014 21:00

What a cow. I really feel for your husband, I'd be mortified if one of my siblings ridiculed me like that.

I think there is much to admire in your Good Life lifestyle, I couldn't do it myself but aspire to adopt aspects of it.

I'll say it again, what.a.cow.

HavannaSlife · 18/05/2014 21:01

Your gifts sound lovely, your sils sound bloody awful

ComeHeather · 18/05/2014 21:01

Unbelievably rude. Your presents sound fantastic...really personal and thoughtful. Poor you! I am really cross on your behalf!!

WorraLiberty · 18/05/2014 21:01

They sound breathtakingly rude OP

You sound 'alternative' and I honestly admire people who live your sort of life.

My brother and SIL sound similar to you and your DH and their Xmas gifts put us to shame - huge home made hampers including their own home made alcohol, cakes, puddings, chocolates, toffees and sausages!

What we love the most is the love and effort they put into it all.

Don't be offended, just be proud that you're nothing like them Flowers

scarletforya · 18/05/2014 21:02

Horrible fools. I hope you took the shawl back. I would have been truly delighted with those things. Philistines!

RecallReg · 18/05/2014 21:02

They were both pretty drunk (ironically mostly on the wine we gave them!!!!). I just feel that their 'true feelings' about us came out in their drunkeness. I know they will apoloise, but I feel real damage has been done now. WE always have gotten on ok before now.

OP posts:
LEMmingaround · 18/05/2014 21:02

She is clearly jealous of you - i know i am! Your life sounds lovely - we have a pretty frugal life (basically because we are skint and my mh issues prevent me from working just now) but you are right - you don't need "stuff" I would much rather a shawl made by someone than a bottle of perfume which is practically impossible to buy for other people anyway as it smells differently on everyone.

comedycentral · 18/05/2014 21:02

Ohmygosh can I be your SIL? Prezzies sound wonderful. Your SIL sounds like a right nobber though, cut her out. Lifes too short, recycle her for me Grin

ChelsyHandy · 18/05/2014 21:03

It sounds like a bitter family argument and you sound very different from each other.

Trying to understand the other side - you do sound a bit smug, and while its nothing to do with other people how you choose to live your life, does it lead to not getting on with many other people, or is this a one-off?

Also, while the presents might have appealed to you, might they have appealed to the recipient so much? I agree that it is horrendous bad manners to mock someone's gifts, but having been the (seemingly grateful recipient) of folksy gifts from a SIL in the past that were so not me and I would never dream of wearing, I might possibly have inwardly felt similar.

squoosh · 18/05/2014 21:04

'huge home made hampers including their own home made alcohol, cakes, puddings, chocolates, toffees and sausages!'

God I would love that!

WipsGlitter · 18/05/2014 21:05

They are very rude. Although some people don't like homemade stuff. Can I ask what sort of family you come from - wealthy, ok, not wealthy? Did you go to university?

Primadonnagirl · 18/05/2014 21:05

You sound like lovely decent people. Please don't let your feelings be hurt by these idiots.

JonSnowKnowsNothing · 18/05/2014 21:05

I agree with the jealousy comment above. Probably a horribly materialistic woman who can't stand the idea of people being finding happiness through living simply. Your presents sound lovely and I'd love to receive such thoughtful gifts. Especially the wine cos mine always turns out crap!

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 18/05/2014 21:05

I am probably not even remotely similar to you in terms of life style OP but my favourite birthday gift each year is a homemade birthday cake from my neighbour

Your SIL's are bitches.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 18/05/2014 21:06

I want to see the shawl and taste the wine Envy

squoosh · 18/05/2014 21:07

Even Margo Leadbetter would have been more gracious than your SIL.

RecallReg · 18/05/2014 21:08

To be honest chelsy I don't wholly disagree with you, apart from the 'smug' bit but maybe to others we are? I'd hope not but could understand that perception. They were rude, I can deal with that. It was the aggressive attack to justify our choices I really disliked. The shawl I modelled on a style I had seen her wear before, and perhaps I got it wrong but oh well, I just know not to bother next time.
Just saddened really, yes we are different but I feel our relationships have been really damaged.

OP posts:
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