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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think the way we choose to live is our business!

212 replies

RecallReg · 18/05/2014 20:54

We live as self sufficiently as possible, in all respects. We have some very basic principles, we wish to have as little environmental impact as possible and value people, relationships and time with others above things and possessions. This is just what we think, we try not to impose this others and live quite quietly. We buy household things and clothes from charity shops, we recycle and re-use, we make what we can, we grow all our own veg and fruit, rear some meat and have a deal with a local farmer for the rest. We both have jobs but only work to what we need, we are not rich but we are very, very happy as are our two beautiful children.
Today we went to Sil birthday. As a present I had made her a summer type shawl, a cake, some scones and jam and some home-made wine. I had put a lot of effort into the shawl which was made from a unwanted wedding dress, so really beautiful material. Sil and other Sil got drunk and started mocking our gifts, 'why couldn't we be normal?', 'a bottle of perfume would have been better', 'did we really think others liked this sort of thing' and 'we were just weird and our children would grow up weird' 'we owed it to our children to let them grow up in the real world'. I was deeply, deeply offended by these comments, and then felt even worse when they started almost attacking us by getting very aggressive and trying to get us to justify the way we lived. I basically said what I have in the first paragraph, then we left, DH was mortified (there his sil's!) and really angry. I know they were being rude and unreasonable, but AIBU to think I shouldn't have to justify our lifestyle to others just because we choose to live differently, this is no-ones concern but ours surely?

OP posts:
scarletforya · 18/05/2014 21:09

I don't think Op sounds at all 'smug' chelsy

youmakemydreams · 18/05/2014 21:09

Yanbu. They sound truly horrible. That was just nasty.
Your presents sound amazing and made with so much thought. In fact I think your whole lifestyle sounds awesome.

AlpacaYourThings · 18/05/2014 21:09

YANBU.

Your SIL sounds awful.

Your gifts sound great, next time I wouldn't waste any time or effort on a gift for them.

CortanaFights · 18/05/2014 21:10

YANBU.

Your life sounds amazing!

TequilaMockingbirdy · 18/05/2014 21:10

The shawl I modelled on a style I had seen her wear before, and perhaps I got it wrong but oh well

:(

I bet it was beautiful.

RecallReg · 18/05/2014 21:13

Interesting question wips we both come from farming type families, relatively wealthy in capital (land/ houses), not so much in cash flow if that makes sense. Yes we both went to university. Why's that?

OP posts:
Laquitar · 18/05/2014 21:13

Next time OP send the shawl to me please?
I collect shawls, i just love them. I ve got some nice ones spanish handmade from family and i buy lots when i go abroad, i even paid someond to make me one.

Your sil was very rude.

But tbh the handmade gifts are not always apreciated so unless you know that the person likes them it doesnt worth to spend time for people like your sil. Better to give her a card only. (and send the shawl to me).

PassTheCakeitsbeenatough1 · 18/05/2014 21:14

Well they sound swell :), what a pair of utter, utter arseholes. Please don't forgive this behaviour, you sound lovely and that you might but they don't deserve one minute of your time for anything, ever again.

They sound jealous and they need to grow up, please don't ever feel that you have to justify the way you live to anyone. YANBU, your life is yours to do with what you want and that shouldn't require justification to anyone if you keep yourself to yourself.

I don't see how you sound smug at all - and it doesn't matter whether the gifts 'appealed' at all, the point is that the gifts were mocked and you had put in a lot of effort in. What happened to receiving gifts with grace and manners? You could have given her a selection box from last Xmas and she should have still said thanks. Awful behaviour.

justtoomessy · 18/05/2014 21:14

Your gifts sound amazing. Your SIL's were being bloody rude, nasty and very immature.

I would find it hard to continue a decent relationship with them after such a vile and unnecessary attack on you.

Have they tried to contact you OP?

Laquitar · 18/05/2014 21:15

Oh sorry i ve just read that you have seen her wearing a similar one.
Oh just ignore her, sounds rude and nasty.

MrsAtticus · 18/05/2014 21:18

You poor things, what a horrible way to thank you for some thoughtful presents, which took much more effort than a bottle of stinky perfume!

mangomodellingclay · 18/05/2014 21:20

Awful behaviour from SILs. I would love to be creative (and talented) enough to make shawls etc!

autumnmum · 18/05/2014 21:20

OP I work for a very large environmental charity and I can tell you our half a million supporters wouldn't find you or your children weird at all. Good on you. My boss is leaving soon and the whole department has made her a hamper containing things we all made. Save your lovely thoughtful gifts for people who appreciate them.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 18/05/2014 21:20

laquitar hands off I spied it first Wink

RecallReg · 18/05/2014 21:21

No they haven't but mil has, apologising and saying how drunk they got, didn't mean it, etc. I know they will get in touch, and they will apologise, they will be embarrassed, they aren't awful people and love our DCs just feel, even though they were drunk and winding each other up, they have really, really damaged this relationship now.

OP posts:
dementedma · 18/05/2014 21:26

When they get in touch, thank them for the apology, say you understand they were drunk but you have been terribly hurt by what they said and don't really want to be the butt of their cruelty and mockery anymore so you would appreciate it if they just kept away for the foreseeable future. Let them sweat a little!
They sound horrible.

WipsGlitter · 18/05/2014 21:28

I know some people who have chosen to live a similar lifestyle to you. They also came from wealthy / privileged / educated backgrounds and there was a certain sense that this meant they were able to "play" at having the simple life because they had money behind them and eventually would cop on and get proper jobs.

SIL would claim to have a simple life and not really work. The reason she can do this is her dad bought her a house!

I also think sometimes people believe one is wasting an education.

Laquitar · 18/05/2014 21:31

We are going to argue over the shawl Tequila.

It is mine!!!!!

teaandthorazine · 18/05/2014 21:33

Recall, I would find it very hard to forgive something like that. It's pure nastiness and being pissed is not an excuse. They sound absolutely vile, tbh.

Without wanting to sound pious, I find it really sad that our society has reached such a stage of obsession with consumer crap that beautiful, thoughtful, handmade gifts are to be mocked and insulted, and the people who give them called 'weird' and 'smug'. I wish more people were like you, and fewer like your SIL.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 18/05/2014 21:37

One week mine.. one week yours.. or nothing Laquitar Envy

Shockers · 18/05/2014 21:41

I get earrings for pierced ears every year from both my SILs; I don't have pierced ears.
It would never occur to me to be anything but grateful for the thought (I have long hair so I'm guessing they've never noticed and it's gone on so long I daren't say anything now!)
If they gave me handmade ones, I'd probably have my ears pierced out of sheer gratitude for the effort made!
I'd love homemade wine and a handmade shawl...

ElephantGoesToot · 18/05/2014 21:42

while the presents might have appealed to you, might they have appealed to the recipient so much? I agree that it is horrendous bad manners to mock someone's gifts, but having been the (seemingly grateful recipient) of folksy gifts from a SIL in the past that were so not me and I would never dream of wearing, I might possibly have inwardly felt similar

But even basic good manners would be to never so much as hint that you felt this way, surely.

carabos · 18/05/2014 21:43

Rude is rude. It is of no consequence whether the gifts were homemade or not. Everyone knows that the ONLY response to ANY gift is "thank you very much".

gamescompendium · 18/05/2014 21:46

Wow, you made her such a lot of things. I can't believe there wasn't something she wasn't happy with, even if she didn't like the shawl most people like cakes, scones and jam. And she clearly liked the wine enough to get drunk on it!

Nocturne123 · 18/05/2014 21:46

The lack of common courtesy amongst more and more adults I meet is ridiculous ! Whatever happened to being polite and at least acting like you're grateful?? Hmm

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