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Original poster

To want someone to take my baby away :-(

252 replies

MrsSeanBean1 · 13/04/2014 20:39

I know I am being unreasonable and I feel so guilty but if someone came to the door and offered to take my baby i would give him to them. I just can't listen to him crying anymore, he has cried for 24 hours with barely a break.

We have been in and out of hospital with him since he was born 6 weeks ago- poor weight gain, explosive nappies, stomach pain, projectile vomiting, never sleeping. He has been diagnosed with reflux/milk intolerance but I don't think anyone really knows for sure what is wrong with him.

We have tried about 4 different milks as breastfeeding made his symptoms even worse as no one advised me to try cutting out dairy. We were finally prescribed Neocate milk on Friday which we were told was the best- absolutely nothing in it to be intolerant to. Today he has been worse than ever and I don't think I can take anymore. Has anyone tried Neocate? Does it take a while to work? This was my last hope and now I feel hopeless.

My husband is very good but we have to look after him in shifts so someone is awake with him all of the time as he will never settle. I can't see an end to this and it's all getting too much. I have spoken to the HV but what can she say or do to help? Not much apart from to say it will get better eventually. I know that but eventually seems so far away when you're doing the nightshift with a baby that won't stop screaming. I've just sat for 10 minutes outside in the rain in my pajamas just to get a break from the crying. I have no one other than hubby to offer practical support due to family illness.

I went through hell to get my babies and should just be grateful I have them so why do I feel like this? How do you get through it with your sanity intact?

OP posts:
TallGiraffe · 17/04/2014 07:21

I really really hope you are ok. I was awake in the night with DS1 and kept thinking about you.

If you can't find any RL help, please tell us where you are in the country. There will be a MNer nearby who can let you have a sleep.

Coconutty · 17/04/2014 07:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Saski · 17/04/2014 07:44

OP I felt this way on many occasions and I wasn't dealing with reflux. I hope you get some help. Flowers

Geordiegirl79 · 17/04/2014 07:55

I think OP said she is in Shropshire, near Telford. OP there are a lot of people here thinking about you and sending hugs.

judypoops · 17/04/2014 08:31

Mrs just thinking of you, please show someone in rl this thread, I know things seem hopeless now but just take things one day at a time and you will get through this x

BeerTricksPotter · 17/04/2014 08:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

insanityscatching · 17/04/2014 08:53

Oh I feel for you, ds 1 was much the same in fact I asked to go back to work when he was 3 weeks old. I did go back full time when he was six weeks old which was the earliest allowed (Civil Service) He went to a childminder who was either a saint or because she wasn't emotionally attached coped better than I did. Could you afford childcare part time perhaps?

fromparistoberlin73 · 17/04/2014 09:51

OP, my SIL had a similar issue and she got VERY depressed as its just incredible hard work

you are NOT alone
you need to get help/respite
and hope it gets better

lots of Thanks

fromparistoberlin73 · 17/04/2014 09:57

OP,l I am really worried about you as read last comment

please post and let us know whats happening

londonrach · 17/04/2014 11:03

Op we all here from you. Do you have a friend who could look after your dd for a couple of hours so you can sleep. Where's you dh. Sending you strength and hugs xxxxx

jemimarose · 17/04/2014 12:18

Hello Mrs SB, I so hope you are reading this and take hope from all the messages. You need a break, surely someone can come and take over for a couple of hours? Be honest with DH about how desperate you are he will help you. I promise if I wasn't down here is Sussex but within an hour of you I would come by and do my best to help.

My DS1 did NOT stop crying for the first month, in the end I fainted from lack of sleep and hunger only then did family realise that I wasn't coping and stepped in. I felt like such a failure but on reflection I should have admitted that I couldn't cope. Fast forward eleven years 2 x DS who are whizzing up and down the street on scooters. Remember we all have tough times but this will get better - reach out to those who love you. Please post. JR x

Shlurpbop · 17/04/2014 15:53

Hi MrsSB, just another concerned mumsnetter here. Hoping today is going better for you - there's lots of people on here wishing you well x

Sirzy · 17/04/2014 16:02

Just caught up with this thread, can't offer any practical support but can only echo what others have said. Please speak to your HV/GP about help and support for you. Your children would not be better off without you, you are doing everything you can to help them through a phase which sounds like a nightmare.

There is lots of virtual support for you on here but please seek RL support to

Cheby · 17/04/2014 17:14

OP I just wanted to add another voice to those supporting you and say I've been there too. DD screamed constantly from the minute she was born, right through to 12/13 weeks old. At 2 days old she had lost her voice from screaming so much but kept going.
I thought it would never end, i had no bond with her and my mum didnt believe me when I said I just wanted someone to take her away, she was so shocked I felt like that about my baby.
But it is common, lots of us have felt that way, and its not your fault. The constant crying and worrying and feelings of inadequacy truly are traumatising. I got help from the GP; it took a while but DD got better and eventually so did I, she's 13 months now and my whole world.
Please get help, speak to your GP or HV, and tell your DH how you are feeling. It will get better.

NewtRipley · 17/04/2014 17:55

Please tell someone in RL about how you feel. It's utterly understandable.

Wishing you well and a better future to come

NewtRipley · 17/04/2014 17:57

if I were near, or if I knew you, i'd take the baby to let you get a rest. Other people's babies crying doesn't bother me. Ask for help

BreeWannabe · 17/04/2014 19:08

Sweetheart I hope you are still reading this.

Get help. Phone the doctor; NHS24; someone. They will help. I have just recovered from PND; different circumstances but I called my GP and my mum and said I couldn't do it and needed help. And they got me help, straight away. And now things are good.
You will get there!! You will! And you're not alone-so many of us have been there.
Keep talking. We're all here. You must get help though. Please call the doctor.

cloggal · 17/04/2014 19:12

Hoping you've had some support today MrsSB and you're turning a corner x

ImSoOverIt · 17/04/2014 19:15

I can totally relate to what you're saying.

My dd had reflux and her newborn days were dark for me .

She did seem to grow out of it and become better at about 3 months and life became bearable.

Have you tried colief and/ or lactose free formula? Saved the day for me and will help if she has lactose tolerance, cutting out milking your diet if you are bfing or using soy formula will help if she has cmp allergy.

Elllimam · 17/04/2014 21:21

Hope someone has helped you Mrs. Hope you are ok xxx

SignoraStronza · 17/04/2014 21:29

I don't know much about it but my friend's son had similar issues and was eventually diagnosed with pyloric stenosis (I think it was dealt with in a simple op). Do you know if the docs have investigated for this?

Really hope things improve for you.

Kerfuffled · 17/04/2014 21:40

Are you reading this Mrs SB? Please let us know how you are.

vltalbot1972 · 17/04/2014 22:27

Hello Mrs Sean Bean. A friend has pointed me in the direction of this thread. I live in Newport, so not far. I know you don't know me, but I would be happy to come over and take your son for a few hours so the two of you can have a break. Happy to come out now if you wish. My name is Victoria x

Original poster
MrsSeanBean1 · 18/04/2014 05:31

Thank you everyone for your continued support. It really means a lot,

When my husband got home the other night I had a bit of a breakdown and told him that I was leaving as I couldn't cope. He was extremely shocked and we ended up sitting down to have a cry and a chat. I told him how hard I was finding it, especially with them both being ill (DD has UTI and DS has reflux/intolerance). I also told him a few things that I had been keeping to myself...that I felt as though there was something wrong with our children (DD has speech delay) because we weren't meant to have children and we cheated nature (after infertility and 4 miscarriages), that I had idealised motherhood as I had waited so long for it but I was now disappointed that I couldn't be the mother I had planned to be etc.

DH was very good, gave me lots of cuddles, sent me to bed for a long sleep and said that he would have the next 2 days off before he was supposed to break up on Good Friday for a week's holiday so that I wouldn't have another day on my own.

The last few days we have got out for a few walks, done some shopping and started trying to put DS down in his cot for a few short periods. I also think that DS is settling down on the Neocate milk and his reflux/sick/tummyache is lessening as he is sleeping better. He even went for a 4 hour stretch tonight which is absolutely amazing! DD has been sick in her bed 6 times over the last few days (loads of washing!!!) but she is on antibiotics now so hopefully will be getting better soon.

Coincidentally the HV turned up this morning. I had forgot she was coming to do the 6 week visit and assess my mental health. I completed the questionnaire and, astonishingly, scored 1 less point than was needed to diagnose depression (I did answer honestly). She said that she didn't think I was depressed, that I was just down due to the circumstances at the moment and as DS improved and I got more sleep I would feel better. Not sure how accurate this is to be honest.

I have my 6 week check with the GP next week so I will mention how I am feeling, see what he says.

Thank you everyone who advised me to talk to DH. It was the right thing to do and, although we don't really have any outside help, we can at least try and stick together during this very difficult time. Things don't seem as bad now they are out in the open.

OP posts:
MoominsAreScary · 18/04/2014 05:37

Thats good op, really glad you spoke to dh and he is being supportive and that the new milk seems to be working now.

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