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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want someone to take my baby away :-(

252 replies

MrsSeanBean1 · 13/04/2014 20:39

I know I am being unreasonable and I feel so guilty but if someone came to the door and offered to take my baby i would give him to them. I just can't listen to him crying anymore, he has cried for 24 hours with barely a break.

We have been in and out of hospital with him since he was born 6 weeks ago- poor weight gain, explosive nappies, stomach pain, projectile vomiting, never sleeping. He has been diagnosed with reflux/milk intolerance but I don't think anyone really knows for sure what is wrong with him.

We have tried about 4 different milks as breastfeeding made his symptoms even worse as no one advised me to try cutting out dairy. We were finally prescribed Neocate milk on Friday which we were told was the best- absolutely nothing in it to be intolerant to. Today he has been worse than ever and I don't think I can take anymore. Has anyone tried Neocate? Does it take a while to work? This was my last hope and now I feel hopeless.

My husband is very good but we have to look after him in shifts so someone is awake with him all of the time as he will never settle. I can't see an end to this and it's all getting too much. I have spoken to the HV but what can she say or do to help? Not much apart from to say it will get better eventually. I know that but eventually seems so far away when you're doing the nightshift with a baby that won't stop screaming. I've just sat for 10 minutes outside in the rain in my pajamas just to get a break from the crying. I have no one other than hubby to offer practical support due to family illness.

I went through hell to get my babies and should just be grateful I have them so why do I feel like this? How do you get through it with your sanity intact?

OP posts:
londonrach · 17/04/2015 12:53

Hugs dee dee. Although this is a zombie thread i hope someone will be along shortly with advice xxxxxx

DeeDee1122 · 17/04/2015 12:54

Thanks 'londonrach' - just starting to feel like I'm losing the plot...

londonrach · 17/04/2015 12:57

Deedee you are not. You coping with a difficult situation. Have you read all thread as lots of advice on there. It will get better and if you tried everything looks worse xx

DeeDee1122 · 17/04/2015 13:29

I just never thought having a baby would be like this.... Yes there's lots of posts about the same issue, I've read so many now and it's both sad and slightly reassuring that so many other people have to go through the same..

CapnMurica · 17/04/2015 13:30

I know this is a zombie but I couldn't not post when DeeDee told her story.

There's a reason sleep torture is a thing. That combined with knowing your baby is in pain will make you feel absolutely shit.

I have no advice but hugs and a warm blanket. I'd happily help out if we were real life friends.

DeeDee1122 · 17/04/2015 14:00

Thank you so much for reply. It does make you feel shit, never felt so useless!! Hugs much appreciated. Xx

MadamG · 17/04/2015 14:10

I have no advice but a big hug to you deedee and a remote hand to hold. Xxxxx

Morelikeguidelines · 17/04/2015 14:16

My dd had serious heart problems as a baby. She did not sleep at all for weeks save when being held or when out in the pram during the day. For weeks I did night shifts (and mean entire nights) alone and I felt suicidal. I have huge memory blanks from that time. Dm and mil came and helped in day time but no one realised that it might be good to stay over night for a long time and I was too tired, pfb and unsure of what was normal to ask.

Dh was commuting to another city at the time to work full time and I would also say he did not step up sufficiently or realise that his need to be alert at work (I do same job and it is hard with broken sleep) did not trump everything.

It was an awful time and I massively sympathise with anyone going through similar. Flowers and big hugs to pp who is in this situation and op belatedly.

DeeDee1122 · 17/04/2015 15:54

My partner is the same, his jobs is important and he had a lot of responsibility but he leaves at seven every morning and when he gets in at night does one feed and a change and by then it's back over to me for the night shift. He tries and tries to support me but I don't know if he realises how much im struggling. - so exhausted now dont know if I'm even thinking straight anymore. It's all a bit of a blur and I'm goi g through the motions just trying to get from one feed to the next - and as it's every three hrly there's no let up.

CapnMurica · 17/04/2015 16:14

DeeDee - you need to give baby to your husband (tonight, for preference) when he comes in, tell you need to sleep now because you are getting to the point where you break. If you can get a decent amount of sleep tonight and over the weekend you will feel so much better (although I appreciate it doesn't solve the other issues).

You really need to spell it out for him. You mental health is at risk, you need to take care of yourself.

PisforPeter · 17/04/2015 16:17

I know this is very difficult for you but it is a stage & will pass & you will have lovely happy times with your boy very soon, hugs xx

cailindana · 17/04/2015 16:20

Your husband has to step up DeeDee, one feed and change isn't enough, you absolutely need a break. If he starts complaining ask him how he'd like to have to do his job constantly 24 hours a day with no one to help. You must insist that he gives you at least four hours, but ideally 6-8 hours to get away and have a break, otherwise you will be completely worn down and unable to look after your baby. This is his baby as much as yours - he doesn't just get to walk off and carry on with his life same as ever while you struggle with all the responsibility.

NotallTravellersarebad · 17/04/2015 16:53

Hi I hope you are getting some rest and support.
I haven't rtt don't know if this has been suggested, my dd was prescribed pregestimil infant formula. It is hypoallergenic. Different circs to you she suffered anaphylaxis from a multitude of foods.
Best of luck.
Even "good" babies are tiring, don't beat yourself up, sleep deprivation is torture.

lougle · 17/04/2015 17:06

Can you talk about Carobel with your GP/health visitor? It was the one thing that saved us in this situation.

It is a powder that you mix into a paste, then feed to baby on a spoon. I was sceptical at the thought of my 8 week old baby taking 'food' but she took to it very well and it reduced her symptoms dramatically, by thickening her milk as it went into her stomach,which stopped her refluxing.

showtunesgirl · 17/04/2015 17:11

OP, glad to hear you're hanging on in there. Has he been assessed for tongue tie at all?

DeeDee1122 · 17/04/2015 17:43

Much as I'd love to hand her over and get a break I can still hear her crying and the guilt forces me up to help even when it is my partners turn - I just can't bear the sound of the crying. - I am already using Carobel to thicken the Nutramigen AA, apologies, I hadn't mentioned that. - cant work out at this point what's causing the crying (all day crying this far) the milk change and/or the reflux.... Maybe the ranitidine isn't working? She weighs approx 6 and a half pounds and is on 0.55 three times a day - does anyone know if this sounds about right? Would omeprazol be better?? Sorry that's spelt incorrectly.

Doingthingsdifferently · 17/04/2015 18:57

My baby was like this, it is hell but with the right help it gets better quickly. We found neocate great and omeprazole worked when ranitidine and domperidone didn't (which we weaned off after 6 months). If you are struggling for a diagnosis and can afford it try and see Dr Eltumi at the Bushey hospital.

Best of luck.

Doingthingsdifferently · 17/04/2015 18:58

Oh and nutramigen still has milk protein in it but very processed, it doesn't work for some milk protein allergies (bitter experience).

GlitzAndGigglesx · 17/04/2015 19:04

My nephew was out on Neocate just weeks old because of his reflux and intolerance. It didn't work straight away but it made a huge difference when it did. I remember hearing the poor soul screaming in pain before he was given a proper diagnosis and it's heart breaking. DeeDee your husbands long day doesn't excuse his parental duties he needs to do more. Sleep deprivation is horrible for all but you're obviously exhausted by evening. Hope things improve for you

LotusLight · 17/04/2015 19:06

Its exhausting. I must say when we had our first (a non sleeper) going back to work full time when she was 2 weeks old was the best thing we did as we were sharing that very hard work care and our nanny had her from 8 - 6pm (I expressed milk at work). It worked very well. For some of us that is just the easier way.

DeeDee1122 · 17/04/2015 19:23

Can I check - does the Nutramigen AA still have milk protein in it?? - I think my next steps are to see how she does on the Nutramigen AA milk but if things dont settle see about changing from the ranitidine to omeprazole and see if that helps....if not then mibbe another milk change to neocate. Does that sound like the right thing to do??

  • The thought of escaping this for full time work sounds amazing at this stage... I'd be so judged for doing it though...
  • Thank you for the doc recommendation, unfort I dont think I could make the trip to see him though as I'm in Northern Ireland.
  • Thank you so much ladies for your replies, I dont feel so alone.
Paddingtonsmarmaladesandwiches · 17/04/2015 20:51

Ranitidine is just the start of the medication they can use for reflux. Seriously, I'd go back to hospital if you can. Our lives turned around on omeprazole. I've felt like you felt, it's unrelenting misery. Please go back and insist on a reassessment. Ranitidine isn't working if you don't see signs of improvement in 2 or 3 days. It can also take a few days for inflammation already caused by acid to settle. You don't have to let you and your baby suffer this miserable disease. There is a wonderful charity called living with reflux. There website and Facebook support is wonderful. Just parents in your shoes who are further down the road. Positioning can help too. Baby always slightly upright, so tilt the changing table, tilt the Moses basket and pram. Use a sling if baby likes it. There are good support here on reflux threads. You will find something that works.

Sierraspider · 17/04/2015 21:01

Where abouts are you mrsseanbean1 ? Im always up for a coffee and chat... you sound like you need a hug. hug I'm in south west dorset. If your baby has been crying for 24 hours it might be best to take him to a&e, I know how frustrating it can be x

DeeDee1122 · 17/04/2015 21:03

If I left it until Monday - that's almost a week on the new milk - and if the reflux hasn't improved any would it be reasonable to ask for the reassessment or should I keep waiting and see if new milk helps the reflux??

MrsPeabody · 17/04/2015 21:07

Just offering you some sympathy. You sound like you are doing amazingly in a really difficult situation.

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