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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about being uninvited for being pregnant!

577 replies

WeddingNightmare123 · 03/04/2014 11:49

Ok I've name changed and it's a wedding one folks.

Late last year a very good, lifelong friend of my DH's announces that he has booked his wedding this summer in a Mediterranean holiday destination. We booked straight away, flights, hotel and MIL booked a week off work to look after our DC's. All good and looking forward to it.

I recently found out that I'm unexpectedly pregnant, not planned, bit of a shock but happy about it. At the weekend DH went out for a few drinks with his friend and happened to tell him that I'm 9 weeks pregnant. All appeared well and his friend congratulated him and seemed pleased, he was joking about DH having to put up with all the sleepless nights again.

On Monday night DH got a phone call from his friend basically saying that he didn't want to fall out with him but they (friend and his wife-to-be) think that it's best that I don't attend the wedding. He went on to explain that her sister had a failed 2nd attempt at IVF in February and they think my being there will be far too upsetting for her sister and bil and will spoil the day. DH said he understood but had paid out money we could ill afford and probably wouldn't get it back. His friend said that we should still come and I could spend the day sightseeing whilst DH goes to the wedding! We are all staying in the same hotel so she'll see me anyway!

We have booked this at the expense of a family holiday this year. I don't want to be hanging around on my own sodding sightseeing at bloody 29 weeks pregnant, I would far rather be on holiday with kids or getting the the pram and car seat that we need for this baby. I'm really bloody angry about it, DH thinks I'm being a bitch and should be more understanding. I really can't see his point at all and we aren't speaking.

So please, if you have got this far give me some perspective. AIBU and should I just suck it up?

OP posts:
FrontierPsychiatrist · 03/04/2014 12:37

Fuckin hell.

That's MENTAL.

That's my professional opinion.

musicismylife · 03/04/2014 12:37

Then they should have stipulated this on the wedding invitation

could you please refrain from having unprotected sex in the months leading up to the wedding

FryOneFatManic · 03/04/2014 12:38

OP, I would also forward this thread to your DH.

He is being as unreasonable as the B&G.

He is calling you a bitch while HIS children as missing out on a holiday due to a wedding that YOU are now "banned" from.

I doubt the bride's sister would have gone so far as to ask for all pregnant women to be banned from the wedding.

And what if a pregnant woman rolls up who they didn't know was pregnant? Are they suddenly going to cause a major scene by stopping her from attending? Thereby effectively letting the sister know that everyone now knows her personal business?

Either you both go to the wedding, or the bride and groom reimburse you for anything you booked that can't be refunded.

MistyB · 03/04/2014 12:40

Can you not get any of the money back? Have you paid it all? Call the travel company, the hotel, your credit card company. You should be able to do something assuming its more than a couple of weeks away. You might be able to change the flights or transfer the holiday to another date.

Original poster
WeddingNightmare123 · 03/04/2014 12:43

Had another text!

"Have rung hotel they will swap booking for beginning of August, they only have one family room left so need to let them know today? On hold with airline at the mo."

OP posts:
ADishBestEatenCold · 03/04/2014 12:43

This is horrible. The Bride and Groom sound like the most unreasonable couple I've ever heard of! YANBU! Your DH is in grave danger of being unreasonable (and I think you must be incredibly patient and loving ... by now I would have asked him does he want to be married to me or does he want to enter into a three way marriage with his friend and friend's fiancee Grin).

I don't think you should settle for a pram and a car seat either. I would write to the couple and say that as they have decided to withdraw the invitation to their wedding, because of the social and emotional unacceptability to their family of your pregnancy, you will require reimbursement of your flight and hotel bookings.

As others have said, I think if your husband chooses to attend this wedding without you or objects to you asking for reimbursement of the costs, that would be a very serious matter for your relationship.

I am so sorry this couple have done this to you and I am hugely, massively sorry that your arse of a husband is supporting their decision, rather than supporting you.

Ploppy16 · 03/04/2014 12:44

So he's seen sense and decided to not go either?

wishingchair · 03/04/2014 12:46

Sounds like he's listened to reason. Family holiday and a polite decline of their wedding invitation sounds like the way to go here. Fuckers.

Gooseysgirl · 03/04/2014 12:46

But there could easily end up being other pregnant women at the wedding!! Are they going to uninvite anyone else that gets upduffed before the wedding?? Never heard anything like it, bloody ridiculous. They either need to reimburse you for the whole thing or you go to the wedding. Sightseeing!! SIGHTSEEING!!! Heavily pregnant?? FFS

FairPhyllis · 03/04/2014 12:46

Ah so it looks like he has realised he is being a complete arse.

It still wouldn't impress me at all that your H's first reaction was to accept his friend treating you like shit in order to avoid confrontation with the friend. I would be having a conversation about how exactly how hurt I was about that.

LokiDokey · 03/04/2014 12:46

Go in August! Take your kids and have a relaxing week away yourselves as a family before four becomes five.

CerealMom · 03/04/2014 12:47

WeddingN, I think the text rearranging the holiday is him admitting he's been a dick and trying to make amends.

Have a lovely family holiday!

HobbetInTheHeadlights · 03/04/2014 12:47

At least it sound like your DH is looking for acceptable solutions now - so must know he was completely out of line.

At least that is some progress for you - though it must have been a horrible experience for you all round.

Curlyweasel · 03/04/2014 12:47

Men! Tuh! Obviously he's processed and realises just how WRONG the whole thing is. At least now you get to have nice relaxing time in a room for a week with the 2 DCs... oh! xxx

Seriously, this would be the best outcome, non?

Original poster
WeddingNightmare123 · 03/04/2014 12:48

But the thing is we really can't afford to spend much more money than we already have, as the holiday budget was partially spent on going to the wedding and now whatever's left has been earmarked for baby things!

OP posts:
ILoveWooly · 03/04/2014 12:48

When are you due? Make sure you are ok to fly then before you change the dates. Glad he is seeing sense now.

FryOneFatManic · 03/04/2014 12:50

I seriously think that you should ask the B&G to reimburse any of the costs that you cannot get back.

After all, it's their stupid decision that has led to this.

Nennypops · 03/04/2014 12:51

I wonder if they've actually asked the sister? I suspect that she's already worked out that she has to deal with pregnant women and can't expect guests to be disinvited if they're tactless enough to be pregnant. I suspect she may also be quite angry that they're even thinking of it. As you say, it's highly unlikely that the bride and groom are going to hold off having children themselves indefinitely until the IVF works.

I second the idea of, if possible, leaving it a couple of days and then going back to have a sensible conversation about this.

BehindLockNumberNine · 03/04/2014 12:51

Seems like you dh has seen sense and is changing booking into family holiday.

:)

Original poster
WeddingNightmare123 · 03/04/2014 12:51

wooly due in November. Yes I'll need a fitness to fly cert, the airline allows travel up to 36 weeks.

OP posts:
Curlyweasel · 03/04/2014 12:52

Don't take the children then? See if your MIL can have them on the changed dates and keep it as it was going to be.

You wouldn't have spent the whole week with the wedding party anyway would you?

Assume you had an perfectly reasonable ulterior motive too (bit of time away together before baby comes?). All you'd be doing is moving it back to another date and not going to some idiots' wedding!

CerealMom · 03/04/2014 12:52

At least you can save some money by not buying a wedding gift/inviting the newly weds out for dinner/drinks etc... :-)

JohnFarleysRuskin · 03/04/2014 12:52

aw, glad Dh has backed down, and you'll get a nice family holiday.

Then he's got to break the news to his mate. Yikes.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 03/04/2014 12:53

Thank goodness your DH has seen sense and is looking for a practical solution. I hope you can change everything so you're not out of pocket and you can have your family holiday :)

LokiDokey · 03/04/2014 12:53

But Fry the type of B&G who are brazen enough to come up with this kind of twaddle are almost certainly not the type who'll pay up.

Whilst in an ideal world the B&G fully reimbursing OP would be the perfect solution it really isn't going to happen and I can't see any way they can be made to pay it.

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