To be upset about being uninvited for being pregnant!

[WeddingNightmare123]

Ok I've name changed and it's a wedding one folks.

Late last year a very good, lifelong friend of my DH's announces that he has booked his wedding this summer in a Mediterranean holiday destination. We booked straight away, flights, hotel and MIL booked a week off work to look after our DC's. All good and looking forward to it.

I recently found out that I'm unexpectedly pregnant, not planned, bit of a shock but happy about it. At the weekend DH went out for a few drinks with his friend and happened to tell him that I'm 9 weeks pregnant. All appeared well and his friend congratulated him and seemed pleased, he was joking about DH having to put up with all the sleepless nights again.

On Monday night DH got a phone call from his friend basically saying that he didn't want to fall out with him but they (friend and his wife-to-be) think that it's best that I don't attend the wedding. He went on to explain that her sister had a failed 2nd attempt at IVF in February and they think my being there will be far too upsetting for her sister and bil and will spoil the day. DH said he understood but had paid out money we could ill afford and probably wouldn't get it back. His friend said that we should still come and I could spend the day sightseeing whilst DH goes to the wedding! We are all staying in the same hotel so she'll see me anyway!

We have booked this at the expense of a family holiday this year. I don't want to be hanging around on my own sodding sightseeing at bloody 29 weeks pregnant, I would far rather be on holiday with kids or getting the the pram and car seat that we need for this baby. I'm really bloody angry about it, DH thinks I'm being a bitch and should be more understanding. I really can't see his point at all and we aren't speaking.

So please, if you have got this far give me some perspective. AIBU and should I just suck it up?

allhail Really interested in the "mate" thing too - I think you are right. I have never heard a middle class male use it towards another middle class male in a context NOT about trying to get him to do something. It's got that irritating pukka thing about it. God I hate Jamie Oliver (how's that for a tangent! :) )

WeddingNightmare - I'm sorry this has been so stressful for you. It's also a wildly interesting insight into the dynamics of your DH's friend's family life though, right? I can't believe the bitchy little text message he sent you. He let himself down badly there.

YANBU.

That's fucking outrageous - of the friends and your DH.

It seems a silly reason not to invite someone, but they can invite who they want. But to uninvite someone you've already invited is off-the-charts rude.

I've got nothing but sympathy for people who are TTC and struggling. But if you can't be aro

Hit Post by mistake

I've got nothing but sympathy for people who are TTC and struggling. But if you can't be around other people who just happen to be pregnant without it ruining your day, you need therapy.

Also interested in the mate tangent...

Its like throwing a trump card down.

I've said "mate", as if it gives us some brotherly bond, and makes me honest and good and true. Can you really turn me down now??

Of course its all about context, when its used like this to get someone else to do what you want. I think it can be used quite innocently too.

I'm from somewhere where 'mate' is in very common usage. I love allhails tangent/analysis.

These days when i hear/see "mate" I can only thing of the seagulls in "Finding Nemo"

Didn't the seagulls in "FN" only ever say "mine" over and over again? You may be thinking of the pelicans (with Geoffrey Rush's Aussie voice), as I suspect they used "mate", although I can't remember for sure.

Didn't the seagulls in "FN" only ever say "mine" over and over again?

My DH thinks they say 'Mate'. I'm sure it's 'Mine'. We've agreed to differ but I'm right

Your husbands "friend" is a twat. Your husband isnt much better. He should put you before them. An old friend of mine invited me and my ex to his wedding. I presumed this included our daughter who was two at the time also. Wrong. It was ok for family xchildren but no others. I told him what I thought of that and declined.

Well, despite "mine" making more sense than "mate" (surely that's the whole joke about the one-track minded, unstoppable seagulls?) it seems that there is much debate on this point on the web.

A clinching argument (which I've not verified) is the following which shows that the scriptwriters intended "mine".
If you check out the extras on the DVD you'll find a track in which they specifically comment on the word 'MINE' en how they translated that word into many languages. Also you could turn the subtitles on and it'll show you the exact wording. Again: 'mine!'

^^

What?????

Oh, yes, sorry, this is a serious thread about appalling behaviour, not a discussion about talking birds in a children's film... I forgot. Sorry, again.

Can those slagging off OP's DH please RTFT - or at least the OP's posts.

DH of OP has more than redeemed himself now

The toy seagulls you can buy in Disney World all say "mine" (it's written on magnets/badges/toys, etc)

I think you should be annoyed at your husband for thinking you're being unreasonable. I agree with previous posters, his sister isn't going to manage not to see any pregnant women while she ttc, as painful as it is. The couple-to-be are a couple of c**ts, I would eradicate them from my social life and I'd definitely ask them to reimburse the money for flights.

(((((((((((((((((((((((Lambzig)))))))))))))))))))))

I thought the seagulls all said "Mike"

Can't you ask all the other women guests to say, "I'm pregnant!" "No I'm pregnant!" In the style of Spartacus?
Seriously though, it does sound extremely hurtful to say the least; especially as in the outside world, (not friends & family,) it would be unlawful to discriminate against you because you're pregnant.
I wouldn't be having anything to do with these, "friends," again TBH.

I am hugely entertained by the parallel lines this thread is taking.

Great tangents here, "mate" and film clippings!

Totally agree on "mate", it can be nice when it's natural (like my friend from new zealand says to her boys, gently, or DH laughing with a friend on the phone) or like allhail describes, pushy or aggressive.

OP we have to have an update on the inevitable bridezilla pregnancy!

Just found and caught up with this thread - have shared it with DH and neither of us can actually believe that your DH's friend and his fiancee can think - in any way - that they are being reasonable about this! It's complete and utter nonsense, why can't they say that they are bloody bonkers? And what an aggressive, bitchy little text message - how can he not see that their request is completely ridiculous and that it is him and his wife-to-be that has come between 'mates' and not you?

I (like many posters on here) struggled with fertility and failed IVF etc etc, and yes, seeing pregnant women did hurt, but you know, it's life, and it was my problem, I find their whole view on this to be utterly ludicrous.

And maybe we're odd but we never told a soul when we were ttc, and I'd have been mortified if my sister had made any such uninvitation to a wedding based on my failed attempts at pregnancy.

Given they've turned out to be such complete twats, you're well out of that friendship, but me and DH remain utterly appalled that people can behave that way - I just can't comprehend it. Really, I'm aghast (and you don't get to write that very often..)

* *

Any update?

Just read thread like this

Would love to know if OP has managed to get the truth out to loads of mutual friends...