To be upset about being uninvited for being pregnant!

[WeddingNightmare123]

Ok I've name changed and it's a wedding one folks.

Late last year a very good, lifelong friend of my DH's announces that he has booked his wedding this summer in a Mediterranean holiday destination. We booked straight away, flights, hotel and MIL booked a week off work to look after our DC's. All good and looking forward to it.

I recently found out that I'm unexpectedly pregnant, not planned, bit of a shock but happy about it. At the weekend DH went out for a few drinks with his friend and happened to tell him that I'm 9 weeks pregnant. All appeared well and his friend congratulated him and seemed pleased, he was joking about DH having to put up with all the sleepless nights again.

On Monday night DH got a phone call from his friend basically saying that he didn't want to fall out with him but they (friend and his wife-to-be) think that it's best that I don't attend the wedding. He went on to explain that her sister had a failed 2nd attempt at IVF in February and they think my being there will be far too upsetting for her sister and bil and will spoil the day. DH said he understood but had paid out money we could ill afford and probably wouldn't get it back. His friend said that we should still come and I could spend the day sightseeing whilst DH goes to the wedding! We are all staying in the same hotel so she'll see me anyway!

We have booked this at the expense of a family holiday this year. I don't want to be hanging around on my own sodding sightseeing at bloody 29 weeks pregnant, I would far rather be on holiday with kids or getting the the pram and car seat that we need for this baby. I'm really bloody angry about it, DH thinks I'm being a bitch and should be more understanding. I really can't see his point at all and we aren't speaking.

So please, if you have got this far give me some perspective. AIBU and should I just suck it up?

I'm looking forward to the OP posting that she heard reports that prior to entry to the ceremony, female guests were visually inspected or, if non-pregnant looking, made to piss on sticks.

Wow, you're a better woman than I am, no way could I have let that go without a reply!

Surely they will also demand that there are no babies, toddlers or children in the hotel.

I wonder what they will do if they wander into a town and see a pregnant woman or a baby? This could cause an international incident!

Testing - that is what I meant. If Wedding is asked then tell. I don't mean a complete active campaign about it.

They should makes sure that there are no people at the ceremony, because everyone's mother was pregnant with them once. How could people be anything other than a reminder that pregnancies happen?

Of course, it wouldn't be much of a wedding with no people involved.

well, that's all very depressing. I really had thought, and hoped, that they were acting, misguidedly of course, because of concern for the sister. But their response has been unbelievably rude and just awful - at the very least I thought they would acknowledge that yes, it was bonkers but they just didn't know how to act for the best.

But no. And the text was dreadful. I feel annoyed that I defended where they might be coming from!

What a horrid end to a friendship.

Second those who say, tempting though it is, don't plaster it all over FB - the sister may well not know anything about this and it would be terrible for her fertility problems to be splashed all over social media because her sister is a prize eejit.

I don't think id have the self-restraint to keep this quiet. I'd be telling everyone, friends, facebook etc

They have hugely inconvenienced you and if you cancel you will lose money over this. Rediculous!

Just read the whole thread. This thread has everything. A bride (and groom!) zilla.

A DH going from zero to hero (knew he'd come good).

And a few 'are they on glues...' Wonder if tidydancer has seen this thread.

OP please keep us posted with developments. I nominate this as a classic.

they should at least pay for the money you've forked out.

I would gently explain personally to mutual friends attending the wedding what has happened and see if anyone wants to buy your tickets.

Fucking ridiculous. I wouldn't go after that sort if comment, nor would I ever speak to them again. What a load of tosh!!!

I would also warn mutual friends about not getting pregnant in the next few months!

Bet they will tout for money as a wedding gift, too.

Bet they'll do it with a poem they googled for too. Ideally it'll still have the grammatical errors in it.

I can't quite believe what they've done (clearly I do believe OP, just the total car crash of the zingzillas' behaviour), OP you are so far from BU for being upset, in fact dare I say the most justified for being upset I've read on AIBU in ages.

If it makes you feel any better Mr ShakesBooty called them the c word when I read out your DH's telephone transcript

Shocking behaviour by the Zillas. Well done on your silence in response to that nasty, hurtful text. Perhaps your DH can point out to them that by disinviting you and making such an outrageous request (that he go and you hide for the day), they took the chance that he would decline as well.

The stupid selfish bastards.

Hope you're feeling better. I know from experience in maintaining the higher ground and silence that it does give the offending party a chance to get their warped version out there first so just be forewarned. Perhaps your MIL could mention to some friends that she's concerned about the stress the Zillas have caused by their unreasonable request and subsequent tantrum? "Such a shame when people lose all sense of normal, decent behaviour".....

This is so shocking. I didn't tell people I was pregnant until 20 weeks. What if you had waited even longer to announce? What if heaven forbid you have a mc? Would you be allowed to go again?

I think these people are terrible friends and you have had a lucky escape. So sorry it just feel so sad to find this out about them now.

Wishing you a relaxing and lovely pregnancy. Enjoy your family holiday. It will be really great.

I haven't read the whole thread - don't have that much time.

But as you have an invitation and you accepted, you've spent serious money and then you have evidence you are uninvited, this is one occasion I'd sue. You are out of pocket through no fault of your own.

Sue the bitch then you can have your family holiday.

Congrats on the baby Woo Hoo

At least your husband has seen sense OP, and this horrible incident has (eventually!) made him realise that you are a team.

Brideandgroomzilla are awful - how utterly disrespectful both to you, for treating you like some kind of accessory that your husband can dump in a room when you no longer fit the plans ; and to the sister who has had her medical details shared.

I would have a quiet word with friends who are invited, simply because they too could end up losing an awful lot of money.

If you don't say anything to the other guests I do admire your restraint but I certainly couldn't hold back.

"I never had you down as the type of woman who would come between mates. Thanks for that."

No you and your to be wife to be did that! We have really seen your true colours now, what a shame.

Personally while no response from you IS dignified, it also allow them to get away with it scot free. I couldn't live with that. If the sil is SO fragile she should stay at home, what will happen when the bride gets pg or is she going to wait until her sis gives birth first-if ever?

Of course you come as a package what a thicko. Its always the wife that gets the blame!!!

Im fuming on your behalf! And I speak as someone who was deperate to have a baby for a year and I did refused to go to dh xmas party because a member of his staff was pg- but never would I stop her going!! I knew is was MY issue so I stayed away. ( I wish to point out that Im now mentally stable- well as much as a pg woman can be! )

good luck with the new baby.

Nasty people, better off not being friends!

I hope that all your mutual friends go off them too.

OP what has your MIL said? You mentioned up thread that she's known the groom sine he was small.

Fire MIL up and sit back and retain your dignified silence

^^ this!

Confide in your gobbiest mutual friend. Swear them to secrecy... Sit back and relaaaax!

Another update!

DH had a quiet word with another of his friends today whilst at football. He's one of the couples that were meant to be going although apparently they hadn't booked yet, we assumed they had. He was aghast and and said that he didn't think he would now either. He said he was dragging his feet anyway as he and his wife don't really "click" with Bridezilla, find her quite controlling with friend. DH left it at that.

I also had word with the woman of the couple who have the baby. Her sister knows bridezillas sister and apparently her struggles with IVF are well documented on Facebook. She feels my invitation withdrawal has been driven by bridezillas sister. They aren't going to wedding anyway as it's child free and they don't want to leave their baby. I think we've told enough friends and will sit back and see what happens now.

Mil is really angry but wouldn't be a close friend of his mum. They have known each other since they were young but not hung around together. They do chat and pass the time of day though, they live on the same street. Mil is the type who will say something though .