To be upset about being uninvited for being pregnant!

[WeddingNightmare123]

Ok I've name changed and it's a wedding one folks.

Late last year a very good, lifelong friend of my DH's announces that he has booked his wedding this summer in a Mediterranean holiday destination. We booked straight away, flights, hotel and MIL booked a week off work to look after our DC's. All good and looking forward to it.

I recently found out that I'm unexpectedly pregnant, not planned, bit of a shock but happy about it. At the weekend DH went out for a few drinks with his friend and happened to tell him that I'm 9 weeks pregnant. All appeared well and his friend congratulated him and seemed pleased, he was joking about DH having to put up with all the sleepless nights again.

On Monday night DH got a phone call from his friend basically saying that he didn't want to fall out with him but they (friend and his wife-to-be) think that it's best that I don't attend the wedding. He went on to explain that her sister had a failed 2nd attempt at IVF in February and they think my being there will be far too upsetting for her sister and bil and will spoil the day. DH said he understood but had paid out money we could ill afford and probably wouldn't get it back. His friend said that we should still come and I could spend the day sightseeing whilst DH goes to the wedding! We are all staying in the same hotel so she'll see me anyway!

We have booked this at the expense of a family holiday this year. I don't want to be hanging around on my own sodding sightseeing at bloody 29 weeks pregnant, I would far rather be on holiday with kids or getting the the pram and car seat that we need for this baby. I'm really bloody angry about it, DH thinks I'm being a bitch and should be more understanding. I really can't see his point at all and we aren't speaking.

So please, if you have got this far give me some perspective. AIBU and should I just suck it up?

You are actually doing potential guests a favour by letting them know what has gone on, as the B&G behaviour thus far is a preview of how fussy and particular their wedding will be. I think the groom is the worst, sending that text, ffs.

Make sure you also tell the most gossipy and loose tongued of all your friends. This is so bad I can't find the words for it.

They've shown their true colours but you've remain dignified and polite in this exchange. Hope you, your DH and the DC have a fab holiday. Congrats on the new lil one too. :)

NotALondoner that would be friend with the baby that I was talking to today !!

Truth will out as my mam would say

I'm so glad that your friends have backed you up by agreeing that it's awful behaviour of the zillas. It's easy for us all to say 'what twats, dump them' but it must mean so much to have mutual friends who know them as well feel the same way!

Hope Mr and Mrs CuntZilla are ready for the embarrassing shitstorm thats brewing.

I think you should link this thread to fb, now that would be funny.
better still just send them the thread.

I think you're friendship breakdown was inevitable at some point. If they can lose perspective this badly over a relative seeing a pregnant woman just imagine the dramas they will have over their own future babies' routines, their toddlers tantrums about sharing, birthday parties, etc. You've probably been saved a lot of future frustration trying to manage a friendship with world class PFBers.

I like your approach!

How bloody rude! I'd be demanding my money back

I'm shocked at the way the groom spoke to you in that text message.

How dare he send that?

I'm not surprised at the rest of their response. Once they had made such unreasonable requests they had to follow through with it.

They will see objections by you are now not just as a criticism on the sister but also on them since they have either gone along with this idea of banning pregnant women or come up with it themselves.

They can't afford to back down now and admit to being so stupid so they have gone on the attack so you look like the unreasonable one. Which you absolutely are not.

I'm not sure I could ignore that last text but in the long run you will always come off the better for not having responded.

I do feel sorry for the sister. I lost a baby to stillbirth and another to prematurity and seeing other pregnant women or young babies was hard.

BIL and SIL had recently had a baby when we lost our first and then when we lost our second baby SIL gave birth again six weeks later.

Then they invited us to a naming ceremony where lots of their friends were either pregnant or had recently given birth.

It was hard but I wouldn't have considered not going or having someone else banned from attending. In fact, what I found harder was PILs convincing them to keep that second pregnancy a secret from me. I felt like the whole family had decided I was crazy and would fall apart.

Once the secret was out PILs were then spending every five minutes pointing out every baby and pregnant women in sight and demanding to know if I was upset and wanted to leave, which was also much more upsetting than just being left alone.

But not once in all of that would I have thought to demand that every pregnant woman be banned from being in the same building as me and kept out of my sight.

If I were you I would just let the rest of your friends know that you are not attending and why. You don't need to explain any further, just that you have been uninvited because you are pregnant, they still expected your DH to attend without you and have taken offence because he has refused. Let their own behaviour speak for itself. It's bad enough without you needing to say anything more.

I can guess though, that the B&G will think they have done nothing wrong now but in the future will throw a massive tantrum when their own PFB is not welcome at someone else's event.

Brilliant op good on you and your dh.

Silly buggers.

Good on you wedding. Brudezillas sister better get used to seeing pregnant women, you can't hide them away from society.

Have a great family holiday OP. That's the best revenge.

On a serious note you should make sure as many other guests know this.

The comment "that was the risk you took" is the reason. Actually no - I suspect you and every other guest missed the clause that said you'll be uninvited if you get pregnant.

How many other couples may privately be TTC and are spending their money on this event totally unaware of "the risk"?

I think the sentence you are looking for here is "good riddance"

They sound like utter twats and I think you have been incredibly restrained!!!!!!!

Congratulations on your pregnancy and have a wonderful family holiday

So within 24 hours, that's 6 guests who aren't coming.

It could be a very quiet wedding

Kundry no just four. The couple with the baby declined as soon as invitations went out as they had not long had the baby.

4 + whoever else dares to get pregnant between now and August!

Maybe suggest the bride ban empire line dresses as even slim people often look a few months pregnant in those!

Lets hope theres a mass surge in reproduction among the guests.

ikea so sad I won't get to air my bodycon dress! Empire line does not for me whilst pregnant !

nowt

Just read the whole thread and... Wow! Unbelievable!

I get the trying to be sensitive to the sister's problems but expecting you to hang out on your own whilst everyone else goes to the wedding... Bloody stupid idea!

You know, I'd let both other not attending couples know the dates you're going to be at the hotel anyway, I imagine it would piss the bride&groomzillas right off to see you are all having a group holiday anyway, to the hotel they are getting married in, just a few weeks later/earlier, and with bumps and babies on show! (Also, who the fuck has a child free wedding overseas?!?)