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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about being uninvited for being pregnant!

577 replies

WeddingNightmare123 · 03/04/2014 11:49

Ok I've name changed and it's a wedding one folks.

Late last year a very good, lifelong friend of my DH's announces that he has booked his wedding this summer in a Mediterranean holiday destination. We booked straight away, flights, hotel and MIL booked a week off work to look after our DC's. All good and looking forward to it.

I recently found out that I'm unexpectedly pregnant, not planned, bit of a shock but happy about it. At the weekend DH went out for a few drinks with his friend and happened to tell him that I'm 9 weeks pregnant. All appeared well and his friend congratulated him and seemed pleased, he was joking about DH having to put up with all the sleepless nights again.

On Monday night DH got a phone call from his friend basically saying that he didn't want to fall out with him but they (friend and his wife-to-be) think that it's best that I don't attend the wedding. He went on to explain that her sister had a failed 2nd attempt at IVF in February and they think my being there will be far too upsetting for her sister and bil and will spoil the day. DH said he understood but had paid out money we could ill afford and probably wouldn't get it back. His friend said that we should still come and I could spend the day sightseeing whilst DH goes to the wedding! We are all staying in the same hotel so she'll see me anyway!

We have booked this at the expense of a family holiday this year. I don't want to be hanging around on my own sodding sightseeing at bloody 29 weeks pregnant, I would far rather be on holiday with kids or getting the the pram and car seat that we need for this baby. I'm really bloody angry about it, DH thinks I'm being a bitch and should be more understanding. I really can't see his point at all and we aren't speaking.

So please, if you have got this far give me some perspective. AIBU and should I just suck it up?

OP posts:
MarthasHarbour · 05/04/2014 21:28

OP you are currently my favourite MNer - for your poise and decorum (and the fact that you have told your gobbiest mate and your MIL Grin )

Sit back, eat popcorn and watch the shitstorm!

Wink
TessOfTheBaublevilles · 05/04/2014 21:34

Interesting that your friend with the baby believes your "uninvite" was driven by the sister.

I can't begin to imagine what it must be like to have fertility problems, and I feel for anyone who goes through the pain of it, but Bridezilla's sister can't avoid seeing pregnant women forever. Well unless she's never going to leave the house again.

Better off out of it.

Sharaluck · 05/04/2014 22:02

Bride and groom haven't thought this through at all.

Op says bride an groom themselves have mentioned tcc, how have they rationalised their own future pregnancy as ok around the sister? Confused

Goldmandra · 05/04/2014 22:17

how have they rationalised their own future pregnancy as ok around the sister?

It won't be on their wedding day which must be perfect in every way Grin After the special day is over they will cease to give a toss about her feelings because her being upset won't put anything important to them at risk.

Dubjackeen · 05/04/2014 22:28

OP, am speechless. Nothing to add except, well done on your dignified approach, especially after that text.

Bearbehind · 05/04/2014 22:32

I admire you for choosing not to reply but I couldn't let them have the last word. I'd text back with something along the lines of:-

'We understand it might be difficult for SIL which is why we've bowed out and we admire the fact you won't be considering having children given her circumstances.'

Harsh- but it shows how ridiculous their train of thought is.

Original poster
WeddingNightmare123 · 05/04/2014 22:47

StickEmUpButDownBelow please don't think that I have that view, if anything this thread has proved to me that these pair are thankfully in the minority! Although it must be incredibly, incredibly hard,most people including yourself have all shown a sense of perspective that seems to be sadly lacking with Bride & Groom.

OP posts:
PeanutPatty · 05/04/2014 22:54

Exactly Bear!! Being as they are so considerate they will keep any of their pregnancies a complete secret and will raise the child in hiding and this child will never be seen in public ever. Obviously.

MrPP is Blush at how U the entire situation is.

Alisvolatpropiis · 05/04/2014 23:49

Bonkers people.

I 100% think the bride is using her sister a shield to hide her monarerous bridezilla antics behind.

Husband is a weak willed sap.

Give the marriage 5 years.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 06/04/2014 08:18

Great text bear!

diddl · 06/04/2014 08:19

OP do you even know the bride's sister?

It seems really odd that if you don't then why has the bride has even bothered to tell her that you are pregnant?

So has the sister told the bride "any pregnant women & I won't go"??

bochead · 06/04/2014 09:38

I'm another who gives the marriage 5 years as empathy and kindness seem to be a key personality trait in couples that go the distance I've noted. I'm ever so uncomfortable at the broadcasting of the poor sister's medical and mental details to all an sundry.

OP - you've handled this really well despite the hurt both you and your husband must be feeling. It's always sad to see a longstanding friendship end, but really they have given you no choice. I'm glad you have the support of your MIL.

This couple could have invented the word "entitled".

Aeroflotgirl · 06/04/2014 10:11

Good one bear

thebody · 06/04/2014 10:17

Your a better woman than me op. I admire you.

Original poster
WeddingNightmare123 · 06/04/2014 11:26

diddl I don't know the sister at all, met her once at friends 30th and that was just a vague hello. I really don't know what has been said or not, my friend was speculating. If I did know I wouldn't be here feeling incredibly hurt, down £500 or so and trying to make sense of it, would I?

OP posts:
diddl · 06/04/2014 11:58

No, it's an odd situation all round!

If you knew each other I could understand your pregnancy might be of interest to her iyswim & that that is how it might have come up.

But really to uninvite is just an atrocious thing to do-for any reason.

SauvignonBlanche · 06/04/2014 13:00

I wonder what the sister would make of it all?

hackmum · 06/04/2014 13:55

The most fascinating thing about this is that bride-and-groomzilla don't think they're in the wrong. They think the OP is being completely unreasonable to bow out of the wedding and that the OP's poor DH is being henpecked into not going by his harridan of a wife.

I suppose in their minds, they've seen a problem (bridezilla's sister will be really upset if there's a pregnant woman at the wedding) and come up with a perfect solution: the OP's DH attends, while the OP enjoys herself visiting the local Mediterranean tourist sites. They clearly regard that as a solution in which everyone wins.

If it wasn't so sad, it would be funny.

MexicanSpringtime · 06/04/2014 14:37

Really just want to second the opinion that you have had a lucky escape, albeit an expensive one. They do sound the type that will be monstrous parents of monstrous children.

ADishBestEatenCold · 06/04/2014 14:44

"I suppose in their minds, they've seen a problem (bridezilla's sister will be really upset if there's a pregnant woman at the wedding) and come up with a perfect solution: the OP's DH attends, while the OP enjoys herself visiting the local Mediterranean tourist sites. They clearly regard that as a solution in which everyone wins"

You've hit the nail on the head hackmum. This odious pair are so entitled and narcissistic that they actually do believe they are right. I think they are probably genuinely incapable of seeing someone else's point of view!

Horrible of me, I know, but I can't help hoping that they loose half their guests through this ... perhaps a few more pregnant couples being uninvited and the rest pulling out in a show of solidarity!Grin

You do realise that you are going to have to keep updating all the way till the wedding and beyond, OP!

EverythingCounts · 06/04/2014 15:08

As pp said, who the hell books a child-free overseas wedding? They're deranged.

saintlyjimjams · 06/04/2014 15:38

Blimey. Just blimey.

Enjoy your family holiday (wise move)

Cravey · 06/04/2014 16:37

This is madness. Presuming they are having the wedding in a hotel then I'm damn sure she is gonna have to see at least one pregnant woman. Also they can't demand who goes if it's in a hotel there will be lots of onlookers. For me though to be honest I would be more upset with your husbands attitude. Frankly it stinks. And makes me wonder what the hell he is playing at.

shewhowines · 06/04/2014 17:15

I was with you about not answering the text, but i do like bears answer

'We understand it might be difficult for SIL which is why we've bowed out and we admire the fact you won't be considering having children given her circumstances.'

It's polite, factual, almost apologetic, yet points out exactly how unrealistic they are being.

CloverHeart · 06/04/2014 17:42

Now that the seeds of gossip have been planted word will soon get round and they might just realise how crap they are!

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