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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think sil has no claim?

218 replies

CbeebiesIsMyLife · 22/03/2014 18:18

When dh was 5yo he started a coin collection. He bought some, others were gifted to him and when he was 10 his brother and sister gave him their collections. (It's important to point out tey are 10 years older than him so were 20 years old and adults)

Dh's brother died a few years back.

Dh's parents have recently discovered this coin collection in their loft along with school books, toys, memory boxes etc and gave it all to is to sort out. It's been a real memory lane for dh who had forgotten all about the things he treasures most as a child!

We found out these coins are worth between £50-£200 each and are contemplating selling them (money could be handy v's memories and handing them on to our children)

Sister in law has said that we have to sell them and she wants half of the worth of the coins. She feels that the value should be split equally between her and dh despite the coins also coming from their brother.

Dh and I think she has no claim to the value of the coins and they are ours to do as we wish. She gave them up when she was an adult.

So mumsnet, who is right? Does 50% belong to sil? Should it be 1/3 or should it be nothing?

OP posts:
ArtisanScotchEgg · 22/03/2014 18:21

I'd say 1/3 each to keep the peace. Why does she think your BIL should get nothing?

procrastinatingagain · 22/03/2014 18:21

If I was dh, I would have already offered to split the money with sil anyway I think.

procrastinatingagain · 22/03/2014 18:21

Oh sorry, and bil too. So it should be split 3 ways.

procrastinatingagain · 22/03/2014 18:23

If you don't, your dh is profiting from the generosity of his siblings really, and I don't think that's right

Original poster
CbeebiesIsMyLife · 22/03/2014 18:23

Sorry bil died a few years back, so he's not around.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 22/03/2014 18:23

I would tell her to stroll on!

She didnt want them when she thought they were junk, but now all of a sudden she wants "her" share when they are worth something?

No. Tell her to bugger off!

expatinscotland · 22/03/2014 18:23

I don't understand, are the coins your husband's or his brother's?

Original poster
CbeebiesIsMyLife · 22/03/2014 18:24

We probably would have offered to split the money if we sell, however were not sure we want to and she is insisting we do.

OP posts:
thecatneuterer · 22/03/2014 18:24

I agree with procrastinating. It doesn't seem morally right to profit from the generosity of his siblings.

expatinscotland · 22/03/2014 18:25

If they are your DH's, then he is free to do as he pleases with them. She has no claim at all. She gave him coins as a gift.

I'd tell her to jog on, the cheeky mare!

Bogeyface · 22/03/2014 18:25

So this isnt about the money but selling them?

SHe cant give something away and then demand they be sold, thats up to your DH. They ceased being anything to do with her when she gifted them to him.

jeansdoneupwitharubberband · 22/03/2014 18:25

Artisan - i think the BIL gets nothing 'cos he died a few years back Wink but yes i would agree with splitting the proceeds.

Original poster
CbeebiesIsMyLife · 22/03/2014 18:26

The coins are all dh's when bil and sil (twins btw) were 20 they have their collection to him. He carried on horsing them until around 10 years ago when they went in pil loft and he went traveling.

Bogey that's exactly what I think!! We probably would have offered something but not 50%

OP posts:
wishful75 · 22/03/2014 18:27

I would split it without question.As others have said it would be profiteering from their generosity. I think keeping it all would be somewhere between a bloody cheek to downright nasty.

expatinscotland · 22/03/2014 18:28

She gave them away years ago.

JennyOnAPlate · 22/03/2014 18:28

Sil has no claim because she gifted her coins to dh.

Is dh prepared for the fall out if he refuses to split it with her though?

Original poster
CbeebiesIsMyLife · 22/03/2014 18:29

She's now mid 40's btw

OP posts:
Original poster
CbeebiesIsMyLife · 22/03/2014 18:31

Sorry I'm putting dd's to bed, I don't mean to drip feed like this.

OP posts:
Jolleigh · 22/03/2014 18:31

I think she's a cheeky cow to be demanding it...she gave a gift to a 10 year old while she was an adult and has now decided she wants it back, practically with interest if you account half of BIL's share? Jog on!

That said, had she said nothing, I'd personally have bought her a gift with the money they raised as a thank you, simply because she wasn't aware of their value when she gifted them.

eddielizzard · 22/03/2014 18:32

if i were you i would give the coins she gave your dh back to her. let her sort her coins out and do the hard work of selling them.

selling coins is work too and it seems to me that your dh has done an awful lot of hard work swapping, buying and selling. i don't see why she should be profiting from his work. let her do some if she's so interested.

but really a gift is a gift.

i would ask her whether she remembers giving them to your dh and why she thinks she is owed something.

msrisotto · 22/03/2014 18:32

She's chancing her arm - is she desperately in need of the money?

Quoteunquote · 22/03/2014 18:32

Split it fifty fifty, that is perfectly fair.

Life is far too short, to cause bad feeling over anything so silly.

picnicbasketcase · 22/03/2014 18:33

I'd offers third to be kind and if she said it wasn't good enough, tell her she can whistle. They aren't hers.

picnicbasketcase · 22/03/2014 18:34

^ offer a third, that should say

Pigletin · 22/03/2014 18:34

Why are they profiteering from the siblings generosity? The brothers gave their collections to OP's husband as a GIFT. They are his to keep, sell, etc. You don't give a gift to someone and then expect or claim it back, right? How is this different? OP, you could share the profits if you want, but I wouldn't feel obliged.