AIBU to think sil has no claim?

[CbeebiesIsMyLife]

When dh was 5yo he started a coin collection. He bought some, others were gifted to him and when he was 10 his brother and sister gave him their collections. (It's important to point out tey are 10 years older than him so were 20 years old and adults)

Dh's brother died a few years back.

Dh's parents have recently discovered this coin collection in their loft along with school books, toys, memory boxes etc and gave it all to is to sort out. It's been a real memory lane for dh who had forgotten all about the things he treasures most as a child!

We found out these coins are worth between £50-£200 each and are contemplating selling them (money could be handy v's memories and handing them on to our children)

Sister in law has said that we have to sell them and she wants half of the worth of the coins. She feels that the value should be split equally between her and dh despite the coins also coming from their brother.

Dh and I think she has no claim to the value of the coins and they are ours to do as we wish. She gave them up when she was an adult.

So mumsnet, who is right? Does 50% belong to sil? Should it be 1/3 or should it be nothing?

Give her her own coins back as others have said.
Why on earth would you even thing about splitting the profits with her, I don't get it.

I'm not usually bothered by "family being everything" but here it seems there is the possibility of an unexpected windfall, no-one seems to attach any sentimental value to the coins, OP's husband had forgotten all about them and it's only down to the good luck of his parents not having got rid of them years ago there's anything left to argue about.

If OP's husband had forgotten all about them how is OP so sure there were only 3 or 4 coins? She mentioned "collection" from his brother and sister in her first post.

I think the decent thing to do would be to sell the collection and split it equally amongst every one who played any part in it, being OP's husband, the widow of his brother in the place of his brother, their parents and the sister, whether that is 4 way with parents getting a 1/4 or 5 ways with each parent getting a share is debatable.

Again I'll ask what if one of the coins was spectacularly valuable without anyone having realised it? Isn't that just something which benefits every one in the family who played a part rather than the person holding it last?

sort out the ones she gave him and hand them back. end of.

I think it's just the fact that they were in their parents' loft that makes it seem a little more as though she might have a claim to them. Imagine that DH and you had had enough space to store them in your own house, you cleared out the storage space and found them. Would it cross anyone's mind that SIL might have some claim to them? I suspect not.

He hasn't even decided to sell and the sister is banging on about how she is due half.

So give her back her coins and she can sell them if she wants the money.

I hope to have space to store some of my children's belongings. If they turn up to be of monetary value, I do not nor would accept a fee for storing them.

I wouldn't bother selling them. Restructure your will so they pass to the children.

That was an honest gift she as an adult made at the time wasn't it? So I am surprised she was so quick to butt in. Even more surprised she could identify which coins specifically were hers. They only formed a very small percentage of the combined collections so in asking for half the current total value she is being quite bullish.

However DH might want to consider how best to keep his relationship with DSis going. She has a bee in her bonnet now so whether or not legally she has any claim, i suspect he will offer her something to keep the peace. And the rest of us can scour our attics for books or mementoes or coins that someone gave us or our DCs way back when in case they are worth something now. Give her the four coins back.

Are you wishing the collection had never come to light?

Yes I am wishing they'd stayed there!
To the pp who said stop uniting her round, I don't. Unfortunately she is still my dh's sister and my dc's aunt.

They are of sentimental value to dh, dh was the one who put them in the loft of his parents house when he lived there. He went travelling and cleared out his room getting rid of what he didn't want and storing what was special to him. Things change over the years and we me and moved I together. He hadn't forgotten about them, he knew they were there, however his parents weren't in a rush to get rid, life moves on, we had children, moved house 5 times in 6 years and didn't have space to store the things he'd packed away in his parents loft 10 years ago (which is what I meant by 'all but forgotten about them')

To the pp who said I was the only one with out a claim, I absolutely agree with you. I fully support my dh in whatever he wants to do with them, if he wants to sell, keep, bin whatever I'm happy with that. Dh doesn't have an account on mumsnet and I was asking on behalf of him.

In the op I said collection as that's what I was told, I asked him how many coins after a pp asked and that's when I found out there were only 3-4.

Dh has decided he doesn't want to sell the coins and actually wants to keep them as an investment/collection for the kids, he told sil this morning and tried to give back the coins she gave him. She refused, went home in a huff and said when we do sell she is entitled to 50%.

It'll blow over as she's constantly getting huffy over things like this and dh also wants to add to our will to ensure they get passed on to the children in the even of our death (he is legally traind and very practical, this was one of the first things he said after we shut the door!)

To the pp's who said pil should get something, they don't want anything. They think she is being incredibly selfish and rude and it's nothing to do with her.

And finally we know which coins are her because there are 2 of each type. Bil and sil liked to be the same (I mentioned they were twins) and ha to have everything similar, so there are a few coins (I haven't actually seen the coins in the collection btw) that are the same or similar so dh knows they came from bil and sil.

Thanks for all your help, I think we're going to put them away, continue adding to them when we see nice ones for the children and not mention it to her again. He tried to do the 'right' thing and she refused the actual coins.

"She refused, went home in a huff and said when we do sell she is entitled to 50%."

Well that's that settled then.

She cba to sell them herself & obv isn't entitled to 50%!!

I really wouldn't give her anything to avoid a rift . SHE has done this by being a demanding selfish woman and why on earth would you give in to her bullying by sharing the proceeds of the sale?

She really is a piece of work, isn't she? She wants 50% when if her brother was still alive she'd be lucky to get a third.

Fuck her. If you sell them, she is 'entitled' to FA. I wouldn't even tell her.

I would give her half if it was my sister because I love my sister very much and would want her to have a fair share and benefit the way that I was.

He's not selling it.

i'd give her back both her coins and the deceased bil's as a sweetener even if she says she doesn't want them otherwise she'll keep seething. Then do whatever you want w the rest of them

If she hadn't been so grabby I'd have considered giving her 1/3. She has no rights to any of it, she gave the coins away as an adult. They are no longer hers. Unless there have been other situations where she has helped your DP out over the years she's sticking her neck out. Cheeky mare.

I think I'd sell and split the profits. I know it was a gift but it was a gift when the givers did not know the value. I think I would take a bonus all round, share the luck approach.

He's not selling it.

Enabling such grabby behaviour only encourages more.

Post her hers (and 2 of BILs maybe) recorded delivery.

Then forget about it.

You have then Ben more than generous both legally and morally.

Mumoftwoyoungkids.

Good idea. That should settle it. LOL

You have duplicates because they were twins? Sell the four duplicates and give her the money for those. Job done.

I'd get DH to leave the coins that originally belonged to SIL to her in his will, if she doesn't want the coins now. TBH I would have insisted on giving them back to her, in front of witnesses (or perhaps even via a solicitor if the collection is likely to turn out to be very valuable). Better ironed out now than an inheritance dispute later.

are people even reading the thread? Why will there be inheritance disputes later? The coins are HIS. He was given them, they belong to HIM.

OP - How much (what proportion) of the overall value of the coins are the ones your SIL gave your DH, and how much your deceased BIL's?

Maybe not legally but I think according to natural justice you should definitely give the ones she gave back to her in addition to half the ones from the BIL. This will fester, believe me. Whatever about 'claim' just share the proportion of good fortune that your DH wouldn't have had if it wasn't for his sister and brother.

It's so so simple. She is a grabby mare.

She gave coins, she wants money.

Give her her coins back (as you have tried) and leave it there. She has no right to either brothers coins. They have nothing to do with her. BILs gift still stands. She is taking hers back.

And she certainly can't expect your OH to go to the effort of selling them for her.

I have had some lovely gifts from my siblings. If they asked for them back or demanded I sold them and split the money the damage would have already been done.

Also I wouldn't accept another gift from them ever again, not for me my husband or children.

Not really sure why they would be inheritance disputes later. She gifted them to him. She's not entitled to ask for them back just because she's suddenly realised they are worth a few bob. Pun not intended.Personally I'd tell her to fuck right off to the far side of fuck but Mumoftwoyoungkids idea is politer!