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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think sil has no claim?

218 replies

CbeebiesIsMyLife · 22/03/2014 18:18

When dh was 5yo he started a coin collection. He bought some, others were gifted to him and when he was 10 his brother and sister gave him their collections. (It's important to point out tey are 10 years older than him so were 20 years old and adults)

Dh's brother died a few years back.

Dh's parents have recently discovered this coin collection in their loft along with school books, toys, memory boxes etc and gave it all to is to sort out. It's been a real memory lane for dh who had forgotten all about the things he treasures most as a child!

We found out these coins are worth between £50-£200 each and are contemplating selling them (money could be handy v's memories and handing them on to our children)

Sister in law has said that we have to sell them and she wants half of the worth of the coins. She feels that the value should be split equally between her and dh despite the coins also coming from their brother.

Dh and I think she has no claim to the value of the coins and they are ours to do as we wish. She gave them up when she was an adult.

So mumsnet, who is right? Does 50% belong to sil? Should it be 1/3 or should it be nothing?

OP posts:
Beamur · 22/03/2014 19:00

Personally, if you know which coins were hers, I'd just give them back to her and let her sell them.
She sounds quite mean and money grabbing, but I wouldn't want to fall out over it. She's no right to any share of the deceased brothers coins though, that was a gift to his brother, not her.

HicDraconis · 22/03/2014 19:02

Then she's definitely not entitled to half! Easiest option would be to give her just her 3-4 coins but I'd be inclined to tell her to take a running jump after her demands as to what he does with it.

inabeautifulplace · 22/03/2014 19:02

Cross posted. If those are the facts then she's being beyond cheeky.

diddl · 22/03/2014 19:03

"We'd all but forgotten about everything"

So as I said, how bothered was he about them?

Really, it's just a few coins.

I'd just give them back whether she's entitled or not.

Jolleigh · 22/03/2014 19:05

She wants half of the proceeds of a 60 coin collection because she gifted him 3 or 4 coins 20 years ago? Is she normally quite so entitled? Just give her the 4 coins back and let her do as she pleases with them. That really is a cheek.

Mothergothel99 · 22/03/2014 19:05

I would return the three coins, but I would be clear that she had given them away!
She's grabby,people get twisted over money.

If I really felt the principle was important then I would just say we are keeping them in the family, not selling. then sell them

Poppy67 · 22/03/2014 19:07

I would keep the coins.

JoanRanger · 22/03/2014 19:08

It's a windfall. Split it three ways. Easy come, easy go...

diddl · 22/03/2014 19:10

So out of 60 coins the most you would need to give her to be "fair" is about 6-4 that she gave you & 2 of BILs.

Why would you even think about not doing it?

Anniegetyourgun · 22/03/2014 19:12

If the coins were to count as part of the late brother's estate, which IMO they shouldn't, then surely his widow would have a greater claim than his sister anyway.

Even if one were to accept that she should have half her brother's donation, which frankly I don't see, that means 6 coins out of 60 ie 10%, not 50%!

The only way I can see that she might have a right to feel a little hard done by is if the 3 or 4 she donated turned out to be by far the most valuable. If all hers and her late brother's were £200 jobbies whilst the rest were no more than £50... 6 x £200 vs 54 x £50... no, sorry, she still doesn't get 50%!

Bloodyteenagers · 22/03/2014 19:13

Cheeky, grabby mare isn't she?
From a collection of around 60 coins she thinks she should get half? She would be lucky to get back 3 or 4 coins. No way should she get half... They are not hers. If you are feeling generous, she would be reminded that they were a gift originally and she would be asked what other gifts will she be demanding back so you have heads up.. Has she given anything for the children? SHe would be asked if that will also be demanded back in 20+ years.

happyyonisleepyyoni · 22/03/2014 19:14

Just give her the coins she gave your DH back, she can't argue with that.

The fact she still lives at home with parents as a grown adult speaks volumes...

inabeautifulplace · 22/03/2014 19:14

"Really, it's just a few coins."

Fair point. I'll give you my bank details and you can put £3-12k in, OK? After all, those things I gave you 30 years ago were really still mine all along. As well as some things that other people gave you. Mine too. All mine.

maggiemight · 22/03/2014 19:14

Yes, ask her which were hers (she will probably claim a few more than were actually hers) and give her them, then say you are keeping the rest to pass on to your DCs.

Harder for her to then claim more as it sounds too stingey.

diddl · 22/03/2014 19:19

Well are the ones she & BIL gave the most valuable?

I certainly wouldn't be splitting proceeds of the whole collection!

HermioneWeasley · 22/03/2014 19:21

Another vote for giving her back the coins she gave him. It's perfectly fair, she can't argue with it and shows how petty she's being.

RandomMess · 22/03/2014 19:22

Just give her hers back!

Bogeyface · 22/03/2014 19:24

So contributed 5% to the collection but wants 50% of the profit? Sounds great! Where can I get a piece of this action?!

Give her her 4 coins back, and BIL's too if you are feeling generous and tell her to jog on for the rest, cheeky grasping cow.

WeAreEternal · 22/03/2014 19:25

I am with others,

I would return the ones that she gave him (maybe half of BILs if I was feeling generous) and then let her do a she pleased with 'her' coins. She definitely isn't entitled to them but it may be worth giving them to her just to keep the peace, assuming you value your relationship with her.

If she persists I would simply say that we are keeping them to pass on to the DCs, and then if we did decided to sell them I wouldn't mention it to anyone.

Babyroobs · 22/03/2014 19:27

I would split it 50:50 unless the deceased brother has surviving family then I would split it 3 ways, it's not worth falling out over.

EnlightenedOwl · 22/03/2014 19:30

If it were our family we would sell and use money for treat for whole family. Maybe towards holiday or something.

Mothergothel99 · 22/03/2014 19:31

^ yes give her half your pension too Hmm

TeacupDrama · 22/03/2014 19:32

she is not entitled to 50% firstly your DH had his own collection, which his sister and brother added to, who really knows which bits belonged to whom so DH's own collection belongs entirely to himself, his DS and DB gave him a gift when they were 20 it is not like an 7 year old giving away an heirloom, they have not been interested for past 20 years, if your Dh did not want to sell that would be fine he could keep collection and maybe if appropriate gift to his own children at some point

if DB and DS had given him this gift when they were 12 it would be different

in all likelihood though some of the coins will be valuable most will not be valuable even victorian pennies are only worth a few pounds unless rare years, and some roman coins are only worth about £10-25 as so many of course very rare coinns can be worth 1000's

any coin /stamp collection when collected by children tends to have a mixture of run of the mill old coins and a few accidental acquired treasures

if DS gave him 3/4 out of 60 she may have about 8% of proceeds

but to be perfectly honest if you give a gift it is no longer yours

expatinscotland · 22/03/2014 19:33

3 or 4 coins it of 60 and she wants half?

Bollocks!

Give her the coins back.

RiverTam · 22/03/2014 19:36

if he'd 'all but forgotten about them' - well, that falls into the same ballpark as Bil and Sil giving their collections to him when they were 20.

Either give her her coins back, or split it. Is this worth falling out over - something that your DH had 'all but forgotten about'? At this rate, I bet your PILs are wishing they'd never mentioned them and flogged them themselves!

It sounds like they (DH and SIL) will be a nightmare when you PILs die!