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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think sil has no claim?

218 replies

CbeebiesIsMyLife · 22/03/2014 18:18

When dh was 5yo he started a coin collection. He bought some, others were gifted to him and when he was 10 his brother and sister gave him their collections. (It's important to point out tey are 10 years older than him so were 20 years old and adults)

Dh's brother died a few years back.

Dh's parents have recently discovered this coin collection in their loft along with school books, toys, memory boxes etc and gave it all to is to sort out. It's been a real memory lane for dh who had forgotten all about the things he treasures most as a child!

We found out these coins are worth between £50-£200 each and are contemplating selling them (money could be handy v's memories and handing them on to our children)

Sister in law has said that we have to sell them and she wants half of the worth of the coins. She feels that the value should be split equally between her and dh despite the coins also coming from their brother.

Dh and I think she has no claim to the value of the coins and they are ours to do as we wish. She gave them up when she was an adult.

So mumsnet, who is right? Does 50% belong to sil? Should it be 1/3 or should it be nothing?

OP posts:
slithytove · 23/03/2014 18:39

And yes. I would return the coins with a clear understanding that you don't want to accept any more gifts as you don't know the spirit in which they are given.

What if she gave your kids a toy which ended up collectible and valuable in 20 years? (We have had several of these over the years) I think it's a fair question as she is clearly out for what she can get.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 23/03/2014 18:45

I would absolutely give hers back to her now in some "formal" way - perhaps in front of your PILs with a letter explaining that your DH is returning her gift of four coins given to him by her in c1990.

OwlCapone · 23/03/2014 18:48

On what planet is she entitled to 50% of a coin collection to which she only contribute 4 coins?

horsetowater · 23/03/2014 18:51

Dh's parents have recently discovered this coin collection in their loft along with school books, toys, memory boxes etc and gave it all to is to sort out.

OP please explain "gave it all to is to sort out". Did they gift the coins to DH or did they give them to him to sort out?

If they gave them to him to sort out, he doesn't own them and has no right to decide what to do with them. He should out of decency consult his siblings and his parents on all of his DB's possession and should consider what he thinks his DB might have intended to do with the coins.

ALWAYS think - 'what would DB have wanted'.

Speaking from bitter experience here.

SuburbanRhonda · 23/03/2014 18:59

horse, they weren't the DB's coins, they were the DH's coins.

UncleT · 23/03/2014 19:02

If they only make fifty quid then there's sod all to be split anyway. Even if they achieve 200, is it worth fighting over sixty quid each? For that value I'm more bothered by the fact that anyone wants to do anything other than keep them.

greenfolder · 23/03/2014 19:03

i wouldnt leave it like that.

i would find the 4 coins that are hers. i would give them to pil and say "we understand that dsil thinks that these are hers, so we dont want to take them." and never mention it ever again,

Mothergothel99 · 23/03/2014 19:10

Return them via witnesses, draw up a letter and make it really clear. She's shockingly grabby. Good luck if pil don't leAve a will, in Fact good luck if they do.

expatinscotland · 23/03/2014 19:11

RTFT! It is HIS coin collection, of about SIXTY coins, of which his sister contributed 4, and his deceased brother another 4.

horsetowater · 23/03/2014 19:16

I stand corrected Surburbarnrhonda thanks.

If they were always DB's coins (apart from the few given by BIL and SIL) then it's up to him what he does with them.

However if his SIL feels so strongly about having them then he should give them to her simply to keep the peace. In the end it makes her look needy/greedy and he will appear generous and kind. I would give the ones she gave back to her and give the late BIL's ones to his parents.

Is DH going through all the things in the loft or is it just the things he owns? Are there are things of hers in there, and late DBILs?

horsetowater · 23/03/2014 19:17

Gah if they were all *DH's coins

takeiteasybuttakeit · 23/03/2014 19:24

by the way, OP YANBU to think she has no 'claim' to the coins as such, but YWBU in the interests of peace not to give her coins back.

If the overall collection is worth £50-200 per coin so an average of 125 each for arguments' sake, then that's £500 to her, so not a paltry sum. Add in two of the four of the deceased brothers' and that's £750. Your DH still gets £7000 for the rest of them, or gets to keep them. Her behaviour might be irritatingly grasping but just give them back to her.

expatinscotland · 23/03/2014 19:25

She refused to take the coins back!

ICanSeeTheSun · 23/03/2014 19:28

She has no cliam on the brothers coins, he gave his brother the coins, in his 20's and never wanted them back.

Give her the 4 coins back just to shut her up, then never accept any gifts from her in future.

FabBakerGirl · 23/03/2014 19:34

So many people reading things and deciding the words mean something else Hmm.

Original poster
CbeebiesIsMyLife · 23/03/2014 19:42

Horse, all the things they gave dh were his, things he had stored in the loft before he went travelling, there were also a few more things they had stored in the loft from his childhood, like school books, Lego, clothes etc. All of it his, none of it bil.

OP posts:
MissDuke · 23/03/2014 20:15

What a lovely thing for your dh to put away for his children. I am so glad the sil isn't getting them back! Lets hope though that your children don't fight over them too op :-P

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot · 23/03/2014 20:18

So she didnt want the coins, so fuck her, grabby cow.

They are being saved for the children, I'm sure your deceased BIL would what his Niece/Nephews to have something of his.

Your SIL would be lucky to the steam of my piss.

quietlysuggests · 23/03/2014 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MusicalEndorphins · 23/03/2014 21:10

I agree with quietlysuggests.

Boiing · 23/03/2014 21:23

Legally you owe her nothing. So you could sell them and give her nothing. This will make her very cross: up to you if you want to deal with that. (Could tell her that the valuable coins were all ones that weren't collected by her!)

If possible I would probably extract the coins she gave and give them back to her, then sell the rest. Or if you're feeling mean, give her a pile of rubbish coins. But, assuming you've no idea which coin is which, then I would just sell the lot, give her a third, and tell her that the bil's share was a gift from one brother to another and there is no chance of her taking it away, This will annoy her anyway so actually I think i'm talking myself into just divide the pile into three, give her the cheapest pile and let her try to sell it.

What were the coins like? I collected half pennies when i was little, doubt they're worth anything ;)

Rauma · 23/03/2014 22:15

50\50 you both get a nice but of a bonus neither was expecting.

66\33 or no split she will fell screwed over and it may affect your relationship for years.

Personally I would split, the debate here isn't what happened years ago but what happens now, this is a bonus for you regardless of how you cut it..

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 23/03/2014 22:22

Do people know how to highlight the OP's posts? Can we get that put in the "Welcome to Mumsnet" email along with "We swear. Get over it."?

LadyBeagleEyes · 23/03/2014 22:49

And RTFT TheDoctrine.

BillyBanter · 23/03/2014 23:01

When you send the coins to her, remind her that this one was gifted to her by aunt Mary so she'll be wanting to give her 50% when she sells, and this one was from cousin Billy so she'll naturally be giving him 50% of the value etc.

Alternatively just don't bring them up again. If you sell them (minus hers) don't tell her and if she asks tell her they have become so valuable that you've had to move them to a safe box at the bank.

Or don't sell them but tell her you have and she is welcome to pursue you through the courts for the money.