Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think sil has no claim?

218 replies

CbeebiesIsMyLife · 22/03/2014 18:18

When dh was 5yo he started a coin collection. He bought some, others were gifted to him and when he was 10 his brother and sister gave him their collections. (It's important to point out tey are 10 years older than him so were 20 years old and adults)

Dh's brother died a few years back.

Dh's parents have recently discovered this coin collection in their loft along with school books, toys, memory boxes etc and gave it all to is to sort out. It's been a real memory lane for dh who had forgotten all about the things he treasures most as a child!

We found out these coins are worth between £50-£200 each and are contemplating selling them (money could be handy v's memories and handing them on to our children)

Sister in law has said that we have to sell them and she wants half of the worth of the coins. She feels that the value should be split equally between her and dh despite the coins also coming from their brother.

Dh and I think she has no claim to the value of the coins and they are ours to do as we wish. She gave them up when she was an adult.

So mumsnet, who is right? Does 50% belong to sil? Should it be 1/3 or should it be nothing?

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 23/03/2014 07:39

RTFT!

The brother gave coins. He has no children, he is dead, he has a widow who finds it too painful to be in touch with the family.

The OP's DH doesn't even know if he will sell his collection, he just learned the coins have some value, his sister wants HALF the money from selling his 60 coin collection of which she gave him about 4 and that he hasn't even sold yet.

Give her back her fucking coins because she's a total bitch.

Misspixietrix · 23/03/2014 07:44

My Nephew collects coins. I know they will be worth a fair bit in 20years time. His sister me his mum dad Grandad etc all buy him coins all the time. Could never expect wanting anything back if he ever decided to profit from our generosity Confused surely if it is a gift there's no claim?...

scrufhead · 23/03/2014 08:10

sell up and give the money to charity?

uselessidiot · 23/03/2014 08:15

Why is it always up to nice people to keep the peace? Why should nasty people get their own way all the time by being nasty? In fact how is giving in to nastiness even keeping the peace. Surely it only encourages continued bad behaviour by the bully.

If SIL had gifted the coins in the past couple of weeks and had a change of heart I may have had some sympathy. She didn't though. It was 20 years ago, she was an adult when she gifted them. You don't ask for gifts back, you certainly don't ask for more than new value back. Don't give her anything OP. Fuck keeping the peace. If there's any trouble over it that trouble is being caused by SIL behaving appallingly.

pianodoodle · 23/03/2014 08:21

I'm sure this has already been suggested haven't read everything sorry!

In your husband's position I'd pick out the coins she gave to me, parcel them up and post them to her, and that would only be as a gesture of goodwill.

The rest are his collection. Some a gift from his brother and the others he bought himself.

Squirrelsmum · 23/03/2014 08:24

She gave her 10 year old brother some extra bits for his collection, that's what older siblings do. There was no money value considered then, and if he was keeping the collection to pass on to his kids then yes he should be able to keep them as a whole collection. But I think that if they are to be sold they should be split fairly, They have been in the parents loft for the last 10 years gathering dust and your DH forgot they were even there.

Ragwort · 23/03/2014 08:27

As squirrel says, it sounds like no one was bothered about them or wanted them for over ten years until suddenly they were discovered to be valuable Hmm. Just sell them, split the money equally and be done with it.

It may not be legal or moral but I have seen so many family fall outs due to 'inheritance', wills etc.

I don't really believe that after all this time your DH really wants to pass the collection on to your own children.

digerd · 23/03/2014 08:31

Why do people pander to nasty people at the cost of nice people? Confused.

expatinscotland · 23/03/2014 08:35

It's not an inheritance, it's his collection! She gave him 4 coins out of 60 20 years ago.

SapphireMoon · 23/03/2014 08:41

Like others have said, with no ceremony, give her back her 3 or 4 coins in an envelope.
From the sounds of her, she will probably claim to have given more, so your dh needs to be firm re his knowledge so that the coins he hands her is the end of the matter.

Ragwort · 23/03/2014 08:42

I agree it's not an actual inheritance but the DH had forgotton about the collection, quote from the original post:

Dh's parents have recently discovered this coin collection in their loft ........We found out these coins are worth between £50-£200 each and are contemplating selling them (money could be handy v's memories and handing them on to our children)

Out of interest how did the SIL find out the value of the coins?

expatinscotland · 23/03/2014 08:46

So if I forgot about a charm bracelet I bought that my sister gave me a charm for, then found the bracelet and decided to sell it, I should give my sister half the money because she demanded it?

Fuck that for a game of soldiers!

Not that my sister would dream of demanding that as she's not a cheeky cow like this man's sister.

NoodleOodle · 23/03/2014 08:49

A gift is a gift is a gift, unless it's a conditional gift like an engagement ring, which it isn't in thsi case. If you don't mind falling out over it, tell her to jog on. If you want to keep the peace, ask her if she can prove which ones she GAVE him, and tell her she can have those back and sell them herself.

Don't do any work for her. She is being very unreasonable.

missymarmite · 23/03/2014 08:49

SIL is being unreasonable, but is it worth a family fall out? Perhaps make it clear you are "gifting" her half of dh's little windfall out of generosity.

expatinscotland · 23/03/2014 08:51

The sister obviously doesn't give a fuck about fallout or peace by making this demand, why cowtow to her bullying and obnoxiousness?

SapphireMoon · 23/03/2014 08:57

Just give her the few coins back. Half the money is juct chancing her arm..
Families.
Are her/ dh parents stirring things up?

Solo · 23/03/2014 09:39

Give her her 4 coins back. She should not even get these imo, but it might shut her up.

LuciusMalfoyisSmokingHot · 23/03/2014 09:48

Cant believe people are suggesting they give the grabby cow half, why should he, he doesnt even really want to sell the coins.

Shes a fucking bully and only giving into her demands maintains probably the rule of that family.

Give her coins back, and she'd be lucky to get that.

ICanSeeTheSun · 23/03/2014 09:49

I have a bear that is in mint condition I have had him for 28 years, he still takes pride place on my bed. My parents bought it for my 1st Christmas ( I was 11 days old)

If I had it valued and I was worth a lot of money would I have to give them 1/2.

If the coins wasn't worth much would she even care.

ComposHat · 23/03/2014 09:56

The coins have become valuable during the period that the original poster's husband has had them in his possession. When they were given away their value was significantly less so much so that they were given away by the sister and brother in law.

The fact they subsequently became valuable is your good fortune. It would be like me giving away my car (currently worth about 100 quid) and then in 10 ysars time if 1996 Toyota Corrollas are deemed to be hugely valuable classic cars. (Yeah right) and worth tens of thousands of pounds, battering down the door and demanding the new owner goves me hslf of what he earned from selling the car.

diaimchlo · 23/03/2014 10:26

I personally do not think that you should feel obliged to give her anything at all.

She forfeited the rights to the coins she gifted to your DH when she got fed up of them and passed them over to her 10year old brother.

Posters are saying she has a moral right to the coins/value. I totally disagree in fact I think she is acting in a immoral way asking for them back or 50% of their value.

IMHO if you and your DH decide to return the coins that she gave you and only those coins she should be very grateful, but reading your posts OP she won't. So hold on to what you have got and decide to do with them as you want.

FTRsGotAShinyNewNN · 23/03/2014 10:36

So she gifted something to her little brother that she didn't want however many years ago, that gift now turns out to be worth something so she's changed her mind! As someone said up thread fuck that for a game of soldiers! That's not how gifts work, she relinquished her claim when she gave the coins to your DH, she's being very grabby

dammitsue · 23/03/2014 10:37

Buy her 4 new collectors coins, tell her to store them for 20 years and then sell them.

Or better still, tell her no!

aGirlDownUnder1 · 23/03/2014 11:19

I would give SiL the 4 that she gave her husband to keep her happy. Then maybe you could give your late BiL collection to your PiL or his widow and then keep the rest for your selves. It's beyond rude to ask for present back that you gave 20 odd years ago because it got some value!

If you want to sell the coins, I would wait a few month until it's all forgotten about.

Your SiL sounds like a rude entitled bitch. Good luck for the rest of you pregnancy OP!

ErnestShufflebottom · 23/03/2014 12:56

If it was my sister, I would split without a doubt. It wouldn't matter that she had given them to me, it would feel wrong not to and not worth ruining our relationship over it.