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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think sil has no claim?

218 replies

CbeebiesIsMyLife · 22/03/2014 18:18

When dh was 5yo he started a coin collection. He bought some, others were gifted to him and when he was 10 his brother and sister gave him their collections. (It's important to point out tey are 10 years older than him so were 20 years old and adults)

Dh's brother died a few years back.

Dh's parents have recently discovered this coin collection in their loft along with school books, toys, memory boxes etc and gave it all to is to sort out. It's been a real memory lane for dh who had forgotten all about the things he treasures most as a child!

We found out these coins are worth between £50-£200 each and are contemplating selling them (money could be handy v's memories and handing them on to our children)

Sister in law has said that we have to sell them and she wants half of the worth of the coins. She feels that the value should be split equally between her and dh despite the coins also coming from their brother.

Dh and I think she has no claim to the value of the coins and they are ours to do as we wish. She gave them up when she was an adult.

So mumsnet, who is right? Does 50% belong to sil? Should it be 1/3 or should it be nothing?

OP posts:
eddielizzard · 22/03/2014 18:38

you could give her 50% but your dh should take a commission.

Original poster
CbeebiesIsMyLife · 22/03/2014 18:38

To the person who asked weather sil was hard up, Sil is mid 40's single, living at home and paying very little to pil for rent. She has a very good job a and is paid a decent wage.

Dh also has a very good job an decent pay, we have a mortgage, bills, and dc3 on the way.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 22/03/2014 18:40

I agree with eddie, give her back her coins.

Pimpf · 22/03/2014 18:41

Tell to take a running jump. She can't demand he sells them, they are his. As and when you do decide to sell them, it's up to your dh to decide what to do.

Greedy cow

Slapperati · 22/03/2014 18:42

I think legally she has no claim. Morally I also think she has no claim - they were a gift. Neither can she any right over her other brother's coins.

To keep the peace I would give her back the specific coins she have to your DH and she can sell them if she wants.

HicDraconis · 22/03/2014 18:42

  1. why does she feel entitled to half her late brother's collection when he gave that to your DH? Does she feel entitled to other items belonging to your husband or just those that may be worth something?

  2. how extensive were the coin collections that your DH's siblings gave him? Did he carry on collecting after the gifts? How likely is it that SiL's collection consists of 1/3 of the total now as opposed to a much smaller percentage?

  3. can he identify which coins were originally SiL's? Not sure how organised the collection is.

My own opinion would be that the coin collection in its entirety belongs to your DH to sell or not as he chooses. As you say, some coins were gifts from others and then some he bought - his sister has no legal or moral claim over any of his possessions. Would she demand that something she gave him as a birthday or Christmas gift be sold and the money split if it suddenly increased in value?

At 20 she could have sold her own collection. She chose to give it to her brother. She cannot now change her mind and decide that it's hers again and she most definitely cannot tell her brother what to do with it.

I have a collection of something (not coins). Some I have bought, some have been gifts from others over the years including my siblings. I'd be fuming if my brother rang me and said he was insisting I sell my collection and split the money because he'd given me some of it therefore he had a right to it.

diddl · 22/03/2014 18:47

Well they surely haven't meant that much to your husband if they've been in his parenta attic for the past 10(?)yrs!

Give her hers back & half of BILs?

Pooka · 22/03/2014 18:49

I agree that she should be given her coins back, and half of BIL's coins (unless BIL has children they could be passed onto instead).

True, she might not have a legal claim. But I find it rather a shame that within a family your dh might actually not be kind and generous and give her what she has asked for.

Fluffalump · 22/03/2014 18:50

I would give her back her coins or a third of what he had at the time and tell her to sell them herself.

Atbeckandcall · 22/03/2014 18:50

Legally she has no claim to them as she gifted them to your DH.

Really you need to work out if it is worth arguing about. Either fight your corner or split it 50/50 to shut her up.

Bloodyteenagers · 22/03/2014 18:50

I would tell her to jog on.
A gift is just that, a gift.
You don't decide 20 years later that oh actually I demand a claim on the gift...
She has no rights to them. And she certainly has no rights to half.

TittyMcFartyFlaps · 22/03/2014 18:51

How many coins are there? What's the total estimated worth?
She is bu

Mothergothel99 · 22/03/2014 18:51

No she can't ask for it back. She's being outrageously rude. A gift is a gift.

How much is it all worth? How much would have been hers? If it ten coins I'd be tempted to give them back.

RandomMess · 22/03/2014 18:53

Keep the collection going as a future investment for your 3 dc in the future Grin

HicDraconis · 22/03/2014 18:53

But why should he? She's insisting he sell the coins and give her half. That's not asking, it's demanding. And it's very easy to be generous with someone else's money (for everyone saying OP's DH should just do as he's told because she's Family). The op's children are also DH's family and I would argue are more entitled to profit from their father's childhood hobby than his sister!

SirChenjin · 22/03/2014 18:53

I would return the ones she gave to him and tell her to keep them - just to keep the peace.

The rest were either bought by your DH as a child or gifted to him from other people and so she doesn't have any right to them. Those I would keep, and she wouldn't get any of them.

maggiemight · 22/03/2014 18:54

I would give her half but only after DP's have signed a will giving both DCs half of their inheritance.
Sounds like she will be after more or all of it judging by this behavior so perhaps get that sorted now!

Actimaladdict · 22/03/2014 18:54

She gifted them, tough shit

Anniegetyourgun · 22/03/2014 18:54

If you do decide to sell the collection, it would be nice to give SIL either the actual coins or, if this is no longer possible, the approximate value of the coins that she gave DH all those years ago. Not necessary, but nice. However it isn't half hers and it never was (unless her collection was as big as both her brothers' put together - I assume this is not the case). For the sake of family harmony you might be better off putting them away as an heirloom for the DCs. She'd look like one mean auntie if she complained about that.

Anniegetyourgun · 22/03/2014 18:56

Btw I don't think you were drip feeding at all; your OP was perfectly clear to me and you did state BIL had died.

Original poster
CbeebiesIsMyLife · 22/03/2014 18:56

Didl he put them there to go traveling, when he was traveling 6 years ago when he got back he met me and we moved in together soon after. We knew there was stuff there but haven't had the storage space for anything until recently and his parents were perfectly happy to continue storing.

We'd all but forgotten about everything and his parents decided they wanted the space back (Fair enough, we have space now) so bought it all round for us.

To answer a few more questions, there are around 60 coins in total, he thinks his sister have him 3 or 4 and his brother the same (they never got into it) and he could probably identify all the ones they gave him.

Bil sadly died before having children, and his wife now has nothing to do with the family (her choice, it was too painful)

OP posts:
inabeautifulplace · 22/03/2014 18:56

The finest solution would be to gift your SIL the amount of money her coins were worth 30 years ago and thank her for her generosity all those years ago.

The act of a reasonable person is to be pleasantly surprised when a small share of the proceeds lands in your lap from something you GAVE away three decades ago. The timeframe for profiting from another's generosity may be debateable; 30 years isn't inside it though.

maddening · 22/03/2014 18:58

half the coins are not hers - only the set she gave were hers so not half the collection- she has no claim on those gifted by the late dbro as he gifted them to your dh. Even just considering the coins she gifted to your dh legally she has no claim as she gifted them also.

so no all coins are your dh's - if he was feeling generous maybe hand back just the coins she gifted but it would only be a fraction as the rest are definitely all your dh's

SirChenjin · 22/03/2014 18:58

Then give her the 3 or 4 back and keep the rest - they are his, and he shouldn't feel guilty in the slightest. If they are worth £50-£200 each then she will, at the very least, make £200 from the sale - which is a nice little amount to make from something she gave away years ago.

Famzilla · 22/03/2014 18:59

If your DH can remember which coins are hers, then just give them back.