Words you don't want to hear when stuck in an awkward position.

[2kidsintow]

"Oops, I've just popped a vein there!"
While being injected with dye while lying strapped into the MRI machine table.

Urgh. Hurt too and is going to leave an impressive bruise.

NurseyWursey I had subcutaneous emphysema too! But mine was caused by trying to give birth to DS.

I was 10cm dilated, had been for a while, having horrendous contractions, managing on just gas and air...

When doctor said "no more gas and air, now could you just sit up and stay very still while we put the epidural in. This is very important. If we have to give you a general your lung might collapse".

Oh I'm really looking forward to this. Haven't done one of these ops for years. From the surgeon just about to operate on my 9 month old son.

During my emcs after a labour failing to progress for 3 days...

Dr says we're just going to cut into the uterus and get your baby out any minute now...silence whilst he concentrates then entire medical team go "ooooooooh" at same time. Turns out DD was breech....they didn't expect that apparently

DP says he still feels sick when he thinks of that moment, as though I had a kitten in there or something

"Oh dear, I feel a bit faint", whilst trapped in really quite a full lift.

I have quite a few of these! During second c-section surgeon said 'I've never seen anything like this before. Utterly bizarre...' referring to previous c section internal scars.

Whilst in stirrups having scan during IVF...

"Oh dear" says the nurse whilst looking at screen.

"Um, not sure if I'm in the right place", says doctor whilst moving scanner stick thing around inside me.

Oh yes, and whilst giving blood "I think we'll try that again". I didn't look.

whilst being stitched up after ventouse delivery and tear:

stitcher guy: come and have a look
DH: no, its okay thanks
stitcher guy: no no, come and look, does this look okay? are you satisfied with this?
DH: right...okay...

guy stitching me up was foreign. He was really insistent upon DH's approval. Either because he was a new guy or because where he comes from, its important to men that their women look the same after?

DH did reassure me I looked 'normal' down there apart from stitches obviously

oh and my mum had a similar experience, except the guy stitching her up after having me was eating an orange throughout!

Shouted really loudly - Get Mr xxxx in here! It's not looking good we could lose them both...
In theatre just about to go under general anaesthetic for a emergency cesarean - to be fair it was chaos, everyone was shouting and it was a really bad situation but those words turned me to ice and to this day I still get a bit weepy thinking about it.
Needless to say we were both fine after some time in intensive care (both of us) and the swift actions of the Doctors that day saved both of our lives and I am very, very grateful.

For one of the many stages of DD's induction,
OB said, "I'm going to try to break your waters". After 5 very painful minutes he turns to MW and says, "can you page xxx, she has smaller hands than I do". I cried.

A day later in the same induction, DH, making small talk with the MW asks, "so, what's the longest overdue baby you've delivered?" She looked at me and says, "this one". And DD still didn't arrive until the next day...

Not a funny one..

After I had just found out that DD had no heartbeat and that I was in full blown labour, waters broken and leaking everywhere. My clothes were ruined (meconium) so I had a hospital gown on and a towel around my waist. Walking to delivery from antenatal, through a waiting room full of pregnant women, sobbing my heart out, a midwife said at the top of her lungs "oh that's a nice skirt!"

Second planned c section with DD, in the pre op room and the song on the radio was The first cut is the deepest

And then after cutting me open doctor says 'Ohhh...come and look at this' to student - cue much worrying from me.

Turns out my uterus was so thin you could see DD face through it.

Seemingly its in my notes that I should not have a natural labour should I ever become pregnant again as it would most likely rupture.

And whilst the bloke putting the needle on my back for the op for my cs- continues the chat about school. " oh, I always bunked off. And med school. Hahaha, no idea how I passed!"

Hearing the consultant shouting at the registrar who had just left my room after being asked by the Mw ( tell tale who saved my life) to see the consultant - outside my room " we don't do that in this country! You could have killed them both! Get out if my sight" before he came in all cool and collected " now, we are going to try something a little more conventional"

And after the cs, the surgeon said to me " I'm so sorry I cut your baby"'before pissing off sharpish and leaving the rest of the team to deal with me shouting " what?"

I stupidly asked with dc 3 as they were about to do ARM after failure to induce labour my chances of a c-section - oh 50/50 - had never occured to me that I may end up with one! Fortunately the ARM did the trick and labour started getting a move on.

"I'm just going to get a bigger one of these"

The nurse about to do my smear test waving the metal clamp thing.

#clownspocket

I was having a smear test when there was a power cut. The GP said not to worry, they'd carry on. The proceeded to don one of those head torches.

Just bizarre.

A family friend heard an 'oops' after birth as the doctor sewing her up,had sewed his glove to her.

Having a c-section, my (very experienced) consultant said "huh, never seen that before!"

I asked him later when he was checking in on me, and apparently my placenta had attached in an odd way that he'd only ever seen in a textbook. He was quite excited, and brought my placenta to my room in butcher's paper and plopped it down next to me in the bed to show me. Good job I'm not squeamish! (He did apologise for speaking loudly enough for me to hear...he thought he was being very quiet.)

On going for my first smear test after DD2 birth (I'd had forceps with tearing but with a general anesthetic) the nurse said to me "did you have an epidural?" I said no & explained and then asked her why she'd asked. She replied "Oh I was guessing you were unconscious during the stitching up as it's really neat down there & they usually do a better job if you're can't feel it."

When getting a vaccination before going abroad just as the plunger started going down the nurse said "oh no I think that's the wrong one". As soon as it had gone in she made me lie down for about half an hour which was lucky as I felt really faint and dizzy

Turned out that I'd been given the child vaccination for diptheria rather than the adult one. Didn't quite understand the explanation but as far as I could tell once you've had the first one you only need boosters which are a lot weaker

MW: Now, the notes say your perineum's comfy...is that still the.....gracious! It looks like a Cumberland sausage! Me: Comfy isn't the word I'd use, even after oramorph...

Post butchery suturing following rapid delivery of DD.

I've been one of those awful HCPs that say oooohh, wow, never seen that before! Sorry. It's just really, really fascinating. Semi-recent one was a reef knot in a pair of twins' cords.

In stirrups, having my waters broken, when all of a sudden they went and everyone at the end of the bed took a half-step back and someone even said "blimey... "

My notes afterwards said "offensive" and "foul" - but to be honest I had kind of guessed that from the "blimey"

Ooh did you say you have got two kids? Wow. You don't LOOK like you've had 2 kids

Beautician chatting away to me during Hollywood wax while inches away from my fanjo