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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Words you don't want to hear when stuck in an awkward position.

213 replies

2kidsintow · 21/03/2014 18:19

"Oops, I've just popped a vein there!"
While being injected with dye while lying strapped into the MRI machine table.

Urgh. Hurt too and is going to leave an impressive bruise.

OP posts:
KirstyJC · 21/03/2014 21:35

"Did you have a prolapse after your last birth?" said by my GP whilst doing an internal examination.

"Er...no".

"Ah, well, you know - after 3 babies things move around a bit don't they."

I'm still too scared to look !

anonacfr · 21/03/2014 21:36

I have one!

First ever smear. Smiley female doctor produces the huge metal thing they stick up you. I lie there with legs clenched.

She then says 'just think of your boyfriend!' Hmm

KingCrimson · 21/03/2014 21:44

I had that too, except it was a male doctor, who said "just pretend I'm your husband!". Hugely inappropriate.

eosmum · 21/03/2014 21:46

25wks pregnant, 5 hrs after having my ruptured appendix removed, student nurse brings me to the loo. I have to pee in a jug for some reason but can't manage very well due to bump and wound and I manage to pee on hospital gown. So nurse removes gown so I'm starkers with nurse holding jug for me to pee into, she then says are you J's mum, I say yes she then says I know her from basketball. I cringe every time I see her now and that was 8 years ago.

lavenderhoney · 21/03/2014 21:50

Recent smear test. I have explained how nervous I am and she wielded the giant shiny metal thing at me.

I nearly hopped off the bed. " come on" she bellowed " you had two children, you won't feel a thing"

I said I'd had 2 cs and I would feel it and she said " well, pretend its your husband then"

I left, and asked for someone else to do it another day.

wingsandstrings · 21/03/2014 21:58

"did I numb the area? I just can't remember, I've done so many tonight and frankly have had no sleep" . . . from my anaesthesiologist just before an epidural with DS1. I was almost blacking out with the agony of a particularly horrid labour and murmured "I have no idea", which prompted lots of stuff like "it would have felt cold, did you feel something cold? Or maybe you saw me reach for this surgical tray, did you see me reach for it?"

Hoppinggreen · 21/03/2014 22:13

" let's just get that out of the way before she comes round enough to notice"

Hopasholic · 21/03/2014 22:14

I've posted this before bipartisan still can't believe he actually said it:

Consultant: So I should tell you about the possible risks of this operation
Me: Ok, go ahead
Consultant : Well,l you could end up like, er you know, Superman
Me: Pardon? Did you just say Superman?
Consultant : Yes! But not in the flying around the skies kinda way, you know, like Christopher reeve, paralysed from the neck down
Me : Gulp.

MoreBeta · 21/03/2014 22:18

Doctor: OK we've are going inject fluid into your bladder, tell me when it feels really full

Me: Ok that feels really full now

Doctor: OK that's good now tell me when you feel really desperate

Me: OK OK I'm desperate now!

Doctor: Now imagine you are 2 minutes away from the end of the FA Cup Final, its a penalty and your team wins if it goes in and you need the loo.

Me: I DON'T LIKE FOOTBALL! Hmm

RahRahRasputin · 21/03/2014 22:47

Laura I had a large tumour and lots of polyps, which was later diagnosed as bowel cancer and a rare genetic condition called FAP. I assume the nurse was asking because it's genetic but no one has ever mentioned that since (they're not related!) and as it's a dominant gene I don't know why that would increase the risk of getting it. I was confused and thought she was asking me if my parents were related to me so answered yes then had to backtrack! It's not the kind of question one expects with a camera up one's bottom Grin (I hope that explains it better?)

LauraStora · 21/03/2014 23:38

Aha yes thanks. Hope you're all better now?

Original poster
2kidsintow · 22/03/2014 00:39

Oo, oo, another one!

Post birth from having DD1, nurse comes into the room and declares she is going to remove my stitches.

What stitches?

From you caesarian.

No caesarian here.

OP posts:
wobblyweebles · 22/03/2014 01:08

Lying in bath haemorrhaging a few hours after a homebirth. DH called the midwives to ask them what to do.

They say 'She does KNOW it's normal to bleed after giving birth, doesn't she?'

They said not to call an ambulance and they'd try to get someone out to me when they could. Luckily he called an ambulance anyway.

When the midwife arrived her first words were 'Oh my god.'

GroupieGirl · 22/03/2014 01:35

After losing my virginity, and enduring a split condom in the process, the GUM clinic nurse turned out to be the mother of a school friend, as well as a fellow member of my boyfriend's mum's congregation. We're feeling pretty awkward, but hoping she won't recognise us:

"Better not tell your mums about this, had I?!"

And during a very uncomfortable sweep:

"Ooh, that's a terribly unfavourable cervix."

I was told that I had excellent nipples for breastfeeding, though, by another midwife! Grin very long apparently

Topaz25 · 22/03/2014 01:41

Another doctor talking to the one taking out my contraceptive implant:
"That's not the implant! You've got hold of tissue!"
I really wish I hadn't looked...

In hospital after having tests to rule out a blood clot and then being diagnosed with a chest infection.
Doctor: "You just need to rest, you're OK in yourself so you don't need any, um, um..."

Me (helpfully): "Antibiotics?"

Doctor (yawning): "Yeah, thanks, I'm just tired, this is my 7th night shift in a row."
Seems like I'm not the only one that needed to rest!

The one that still makes me rage is my GP breaking it to me that I'd had an early miscarriage and saying: "really, this is good news..."
I know some people try and see the silver lining in everything but seriously?! Maybe he meant that it was for the best because there was probably something wrong with the pregnancy for it to end that early, but in my sensitive state I thought he meant it was for the best because I would have been a terrible mother. Some Doctors really need to work on their bedside manner!

TulipOHare · 22/03/2014 01:44

Had an awkwardly hard-to-reach back tooth that needed a filling.

Dentist: most dentists wouldn't even attempt this, but I'm going to have a go!

We called him The Maverick Dentist thereafter.

goodasitgets · 22/03/2014 02:06

Dentist (I'm scared of the dentist, no previous extractions) - "now for this extraction I will send you to dentist X. He's good with um... Difficult extractions"

Nurse trying to take blood after two failed attempts "I'm off to get the vampire, she's never failed yet" Shock
Turns out her colleague was nicknamed that for her ability to get blood out of anyone

Doctor trying to get blood after 20 minutes trying (she's now trying out my hand) "don't move or I might burst this vein, if this doesn't work I'm going in your foot"

NurseyWursey · 22/03/2014 02:12

My dad told me one

He was having some teeth out, years ago mind

Said he heard the dentist go 'OH FUCK!'

Turned out he'd broken my dads jaw.

OhMerGerd · 22/03/2014 03:42

I've had the epidural and anaesthetist is standing by bed with consultant, DH and midwife. It's been a long labour and I'm looking forward to the end as they've decided forceps req'd. They're all chatting, making small talk and I remember the anaesthetist was nonchalantly leaning up against the delivery suite wall. Everything seemed strangely calm ..

Me: I don't think this is going the right way
Him: It takes a little while to kick in
Me: So is my chin supposed to be going numb?
Him: f*k fk fk f*k help, stop ,stop turn it off ....

kickassangel · 22/03/2014 04:10

Just a I was about to go into surgery having the registrar run out shouting Wait we have the wrong person!

Having a tooth removed at hospital, the dentist saying to the assistant Hold her head down really firmly while I get the pliers and pull.

When a gynae had his hand inside me, saying A hard push won't hurt the patient.

Not all at the same time thankfully!

WutheringFrights · 22/03/2014 04:11

My first ever smear test at our local family gp practice . On the bed, legs akimbo, the nurse looking intently at my bits...
Are you John and Karens daughter?
Err yes...
I thought so, you look so much like your dad!

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers · 22/03/2014 04:22

Kingcrimson did you complain?!

hellokittymania · 22/03/2014 04:28

"We can't land in Hue since there is nobody to fix the plane."

On a flight from HCM City to Hue.... We had oxygen masks on and the cabin had a burning smell. We weren't quite sure if we would make it back to HCM City. Grin

OnTheRunButReallyRatherSlowly · 22/03/2014 04:50

During my first ever smear test, aged 21, following much harrumphing and adjusting of the lamp:

'It's a bit murky up there. I think you might have thrush'

I didn't, for the record. Although it's probably worse that I have a murky vagina for no reason at all.

complexnumber · 22/03/2014 05:00

In the London School of Tropical Diseases:

"We have good news and bad news, the bad news is that you have cerebral malaria and it is going to kill you in 48 hours."

pause...

"The good news is that we can cure it in 24 hours."

Oh how I laughed!

(I did fancy the doctor something rotten, so all is forgiven)