Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Words you don't want to hear when stuck in an awkward position.

213 replies

2kidsintow · 21/03/2014 18:19

"Oops, I've just popped a vein there!"
While being injected with dye while lying strapped into the MRI machine table.

Urgh. Hurt too and is going to leave an impressive bruise.

OP posts:
BratinghamPalace · 22/03/2014 05:14

Durning a c section.
Me: ouch. I can feel that.
Doc:: don't be silly. What is that ?
Me: a finger
Doc: and that?
Me: a knife.
Doc: damn. She's right. She can feel it.

yegodsandlittlefishes · 22/03/2014 06:22

I had to laugh at that Bratingham. For my (second) C Section, I asked DH if they'd started yet and he had a look around the screen and the doctor had his arm inside me up to his elbow.

fishybits · 22/03/2014 06:43

"I'm just going to examine you internally" said by a registrar with the biggest hands I have ever seen. Even the accompanying nurse winced.

MrsTilapia · 22/03/2014 06:51

The doctor who called,

'Hey, come and get a load of these asymmetric breasts!'

To his student nurse. I was waiting for him to examine a lump in my breast. That didn't make me feel better.

bananananacoconuts · 22/03/2014 06:54

After a 52 hour labour it was decided that i'd need a c section so i'm waiting in theatre and a nurse pops in with "consultant wont be long, he's just dealing with the last lady who's still bleeding!"

Good job i was delirious!

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers · 22/03/2014 07:23

Mrs tilapia- doctor deserved a slap.

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers · 22/03/2014 07:27

Aghast at some of these. Who do these fucking health professionals think they are!?

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis · 22/03/2014 07:30

Having my first app with second pregnancy. Routine examination with mw. She frowns, gets portable scanner. Then gets dr. He looks, and goes "oh yes, well done, it is twins" both walk out leaving me with student nurse who just goes "oh that's nice. Oh please don't cry"

lavenderhoney · 22/03/2014 07:49

Just remembered another one. Waiting for my consultant to come and see my before my second cs went ahead. The nurse came up and said brightly " mr x is sorry he will be a tiny bit late today. He forgot he was at a funeral this morning"

She didn't know if it was a relative or patient.

thereinmadnesslies · 22/03/2014 08:07

After I'd been stitched for a second degree tear and the midwife stuck her finger up my back passage - 'erm sorry but the trainee midwife has stitched too deep and we can feel the stitches through your back passage so we need to unpick the stitches and start again. Unfortunately we can't give you any more local anaesthetic because you've had the max allowed. Sorry'

I didn't know that the midwife doing the stitches was a trainee until that point, and then had the utter humiliation of several midwives and then a registrar all trooping in to feel for the stitches. Hideous.

FreckledLeopard · 22/03/2014 08:28

After having DD I had my legs in stirrups and was being stitched up (2nd degree tear). My mother takes a look and exclaims "oh my! It's like a road traffic accident down there!" Gee, thanks mum Hmm

soontobeethree · 22/03/2014 08:38

when I was half way through a hystrolapogram (not spelled right) "oh no, the screens broke! " cue an it man standing the other side of the door telling them how to fix it!

FourArms · 22/03/2014 08:44

Post awful birth, DS2 being resuscitated for 5 minutes and then rushed to SCBU (DH went with him) for lots of invasive tests my mum & MW went out for a cigarette. It had been v.stressful for them. Hmm

When they got back I had stitches for severe tears & episiotomy gone wrong. MW says to my mum - it's a good job my hobby is patchworking, this is a nightmare. Every time I put a stitch in it's just ripping out. She's going to have a gaping hole there for a while.

I did :( Took 6 months before I could go to the loo without pain relief :(

Marylou62 · 22/03/2014 08:47

Oh bugger! This was from the normally very gentlemanly consultant as the table collapsed whilst I was mid smear with my legs in stirrups!! I am very tall with a cervix that cant be easily seen. They had taken the 'pin 'out to try and get me to lie back a bit. I was completely helpless and felt very vulnerable...but it broke the ice and they eventually mended the bed and the smear was negative!!

RahRahRasputin · 22/03/2014 08:53

Oh FourArms that's horrific. I hope your baby is okay now?

Laura yes I'm fine thanks :)

breatheslowly · 22/03/2014 09:26

When I was sent back to hospital by my GP due to my episiotomy getting infected and opening up...

From the registrar who delivered her "In Africa we just do xxx, but you European women can't stand the pain."

From the consultant who came to give a second opinion "So I hear you had a Semtex suppository birth." I had torn in 4 different directions and one of the scars reaches to my thigh.

littlelady3045 · 22/03/2014 12:02

Frantically phoning Doctors for my son for an emergency appointment at 4pm to hear "we only do emergency appointments in the morning". Ended up in an ambulance going to A&E

slithytove · 22/03/2014 12:15

Brilliant thread. Keep them coming! I'm going to have a think of mine

edamsavestheday · 22/03/2014 12:21

Bye, your clothes are in that cubicle over there. They weren't! And the MRI dept was now shut, everyone had gone home... Very luckily passing member of staff knew daft nurse's Mobile no. - turns out she'd taken me out the wrong door and both entrances had identical layouts and cubicles. For a horrid 30 mins I thought I was going to have to go home in a hospital gown, an hour on the train with a change...

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers · 22/03/2014 12:30

When my water broke with a gush as I was having literally the most massive body shaking contraction EXACTLY at the moment that the anaesthetist was inserting the epidural needle in my spine. "Whatever you do, do. Not. Move." she said. It took two midwives holding each arm to stop me from moving!

ouryve · 22/03/2014 12:34

Nurse, stretching out my arm, with tourniquet pulled tight: "that looks like a vein that might work"
Me, uncomfortable as hell: "3 people have tried to get blood out of that vein in the past week and it has collapsed every single time"
Nurse: "I'll try it, anyway"
5 minutes of patting and prodding later...
Me, now with a sore shoulder and an even more sore inner elbow than previously: "That's pretty much what it did for the last 3 people who tried it"

I've since had instructions from a lovely and very experienced nurse to refuse to allow anyone to take bloods to me unless they let me tell them which veins to use and how to get the best from them.

A more frequent occurrence seems to be when I'm in the middle of chopping veg or serving lunch "mum! DS2's done a poo and has taken all his clothes off!"

zoemaguire · 22/03/2014 12:35

Midwife sewing me up after birth of dd1- 'ooh dear, this is messy'...

Cardiac surgeon to parents of baby in next door incubator when ds in NICU 'I'll leave you to put the nappy back on, I'm not good with small things'!!!

Squirrelsmum · 22/03/2014 12:41

I was in hospital with suspected meningitis and being told to lie still while they did a lumbar puncture so they didn't miss the spot and cause nerve damage, all the while I was having convulsions due to rapid fever fluctuations.

RabbitPies · 22/03/2014 12:41

Not quite the same thing,but during a breast exam,my female doctor said "You have very nice,firm breasts,considering that they're so large" Hmm. I wasn't sure if I was supposed to say thank you to that or not.

LetThereBeCupcakes · 22/03/2014 13:19

In labour, being blue-lighted to the city hospital, one paramedic said to the other "have you ever delivered a baby in an ambulance before?".

Apparently she had not...