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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be put off by this?

544 replies

DomesticDisgrace · 15/03/2014 23:39

Please tell me I'm being unreasonable! I met this really really lovely guy today and I was hoping he'd ask me out because we hit it off instantly! When I came home he did and I was absolutely delighted, we decided on the cinema and he texted saying "I'll book the tickets, can you look after the grub?"
I can't help but be really put off by him now, I'm disgusted with myself Blush
I haven't been on a date in about six years as I was with my ex and he wasn't working for the majority of our relationship so I'm super scared of ending up with a stinge (this guy is working by the way)

Am I being horrible? It's really put me off him!

OP posts:
susiedaisy · 15/03/2014 23:42

It would annoy and disappoint me a bit yes. It's the sort of thing a bloke would text his mate.

BobPatSamandIgglePiggle · 15/03/2014 23:42

He might not have been om a date for ages either - are you happy to pay for happy hour dinner? Ifyes book it and go :-)

lolatu · 15/03/2014 23:43

What's put you off exactly? That he's trying to split the cost between you?

HillyHolbrook · 15/03/2014 23:44

The way he phrased it would make me cringe, but if going halves on tickets/food is the thing that's putting you off then YABU. It's not like he's asking for a three course dinner or for you to pay for it all, so just go somewhere of equal(ish) value to the tickets. When DP an I were dating we would split it that way, or one of us would pay for dinner and the other drinks then swap next time.

Just be wary, if he seems like a tight arse, then get out sharpish!

Original poster
DomesticDisgrace · 15/03/2014 23:45

I don't think he means dinner I think he just means cinema munch? There's nowhere around to have dinnerand it's not going to be a terribly long date because my dad with be babysitting for me.

I'm really disappointed and feel guilty for feeling this way!

OP posts:
MairzyDoats · 15/03/2014 23:45

Maybe he meant you should book it? As opposed to paying for it?

Original poster
DomesticDisgrace · 15/03/2014 23:46

It's the way he worded it, I have no issue going halves at all (though I'm going to be totally honest and say I do rather when they offer to pay, which I never ever accept) it's just the fact we're already discussing who buys what and we're not even going for a few days.

OP posts:
MamaDuckling · 15/03/2014 23:48

Hmmm I think he meant can you book somewhere, not necessarily can you pay for it?

susiedaisy · 15/03/2014 23:49

It does seem a bit anal to be worrying over who's booking tickets and who's sorting out food for a trip to local cinema several days beforehand.

CocktailQueen · 15/03/2014 23:49

I dunno. If he's asking you to buy some popcorn while he shells out £25 for cinema tickets, is that a bad thing?? Maybe he's been stung in the last by women who didn't pay their way??

Not a red flag for me, see how it goes. Have fun!

susiedaisy · 15/03/2014 23:50

Even if he did mean for op to choose the place for a meal afterwards he's not worded it very well. IMO

OldBagWantsNewBag · 15/03/2014 23:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
DomesticDisgrace · 15/03/2014 23:50

Yeah like the cinema is walking distance from both of us and there's nowhere for a meal so I presume he means the popcorn and drinks, Ugh

OP posts:
susiedaisy · 15/03/2014 23:51

Yes I would still go and see how you get on. But go with your gut feeling on the date.

susiedaisy · 15/03/2014 23:52

Regardless of who pays for popcorn the wording of the text is still crass. IMO

Original poster
DomesticDisgrace · 15/03/2014 23:53

God no I wouldn't expect anyone to pay for me, sure I bought him a coffee today and he tried to give me money I was like "would you get away!" I just hate this Oh I bought this and you paid that business. I even hateIt among friends it's nicer when it just happens naturally.

OP posts:
Sharaluck · 15/03/2014 23:53

I would text him to clarify what he means by 'grub'? Confused

It seems a very poorly worded text. But I don't think you should jump to conclusions just yet.

Original poster
DomesticDisgrace · 15/03/2014 23:54

I'll still go but my excited about it has gone a little bit Sad he's such a lovely guy though!

OP posts:
BumpyGrindy · 15/03/2014 23:54

Oh yuk. No YANBU.

Firstly it's the rather pathetic checking that it will be a "halves" date that's not very attractive and second it's the use of the word "grub".

I'd have to tell him why I'd not be accepting his "kind" offer.

It's not that you WOULDN'T be happy to pay for the food but it's that he CHECKED!

YUCKY!

susiedaisy · 15/03/2014 23:54

Sniggering at the thought of you taking a full packed lunch and getting it out in cinema. Grin

BumpyGrindy · 15/03/2014 23:56

I wouldn't bother going OP. As you said "Ugh"....text back and say "What's grub?"

Just to see if he says "It's food..." then you can say "What? Why are you pre-planning the payment of a date at this point!?"

susiedaisy · 15/03/2014 23:58

Yep I agree it is pathetic to be checking that op has understood that he won't be contributing to the 'grub' on the night.

NatashaBee · 15/03/2014 23:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Famzilla · 15/03/2014 23:58

Would make me cringe tbh. Am happy to pay my way but having it insisted upon before I'd even really met up with the person would make me wonder why the hell they were so uptight. Plus who says grub?

steff13 · 15/03/2014 23:58

I would clarify what he means. I don't quite see the point of a first date to just a movie. Dating is about getting to know people, not a lot of that is going to happen sitting in the dark not talking to each other. My husband and I sometimes go on movie dates, but we actually know each other pretty well. ;) I would assume he meant you find somewhere for dinner.