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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be put off by this?

544 replies

DomesticDisgrace · 15/03/2014 23:39

Please tell me I'm being unreasonable! I met this really really lovely guy today and I was hoping he'd ask me out because we hit it off instantly! When I came home he did and I was absolutely delighted, we decided on the cinema and he texted saying "I'll book the tickets, can you look after the grub?"
I can't help but be really put off by him now, I'm disgusted with myself Blush
I haven't been on a date in about six years as I was with my ex and he wasn't working for the majority of our relationship so I'm super scared of ending up with a stinge (this guy is working by the way)

Am I being horrible? It's really put me off him!

OP posts:
JapaneseMargaret · 16/03/2014 03:57

Hang on, the OP hasn't said anything about disliking the word 'grub', it's everyone else on the thread who's running with that one!!

It's the meticulous pre-planning around payment which seems to be the issue.

KeatsiePie · 16/03/2014 04:01

Aha thanks Queen. Love hearing about regional/cultural expressions.

Caitlin ha yes I'd be like um, ah, this sounds like you would like me to bring food for you hidden in my purse, surely not?!

But since he said he would book the tickets, I think he is thinking of this from a planning perspective. I really strongly suspect he meant "would you make a dinner reservation."

KeatsiePie · 16/03/2014 04:02

I.e., I don't think he was talking about who would pay, just who would make what plans.

Caitlin17 · 16/03/2014 04:20

But what plans? I don't take food to the cinema. None of my friends take food to the cinema. I might go for a meal before or after

KeatsiePie · 16/03/2014 04:55

By plans I meant, surely he was trying to find a cute/short way of asking if the OP wanted to make the dinner reservation.

Cerisier · 16/03/2014 05:00

I don't think he was talking about who would pay either. I think he wants the OP to choose where they'll go for food afterwards. He doesn't want to book the wrong place.

JapaneseMargaret · 16/03/2014 05:34

That's what I thought on first read, but the OP says a). there's nowhere to go for dinner, and b). she wouldn't be able to do that anyway as it would make the date too long for her Dad who's babysitting.

Cerisier · 16/03/2014 05:54

Mmmm but does the man know about the time restrictions? Plus if he has a car there must be loads of options for places to eat within, say, fifteen miles.

mymiraclebubba · 16/03/2014 07:39

If you like the guy does it really matter?? It comes across as though you are looking for excuses not to go tbh (sorry if that offends anyone)

If you like him then text him back and say grub sweeties or grub dinner amd see what he says.

I am a londoner and regularly refer to dinner as grub so hr could mean dinner although burger king - christ I hope not!!!

MalcolmTuckersMistress · 16/03/2014 07:44

Hmmm. I would take it that he's asking you to chose where you want to go for dinner? Text him back and ask him what kind of places he likes to eat. I wouldn't be put off by that.

Unless, of course, he means he wants you to fill your bag with treats from Tesco on the way because he's not paying the fucking ridiculous over inflated cinema prices for a hand full of popcorn and 6 Starbursts...

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 16/03/2014 07:50

Oh do stop it. One text. Sheesh. Are you like this with everything? Over analyse city? The word grub put you off. Gawdsakes.

You could have said "hey I'll pop out and grab some of our own snacks to eat and smuggle them in. Maybe even a cheeky drink in a water bottle" you know? Tried to find the fun??? But you? Yup you immediately sniff sneer and write about it online.

Pity the bloke tbh.

oldfashionedgirl · 16/03/2014 07:54

I would rather know in advance if we were splitting the costs. Saves the awkwardness on the actual date.

He sounds like a nice bloke. Wouldn't put me off. If he didn't have loads of spare cash I would rather he was honest about it up front. Dating doesn't have to be expensive.

FunkyBoldRibena · 16/03/2014 07:55

Good grief.

It's good that this is sorted in advance, so you both know who is getting what. It means when you go to the popcorn/ice cream/coffee counter, you pay. And when you go to the ticket counter, he pays.

You both watch the film, eat he snacks, have a jolly/crap/scary/lovely time and go home.

Every different area has different words for snacks/food. Lean into it.

fishybits · 16/03/2014 07:58

We use the word grub in this house to refer to food, always have done as do both set of our parents.

You're being utterly ridiculous and please do him a favour by cancelling this date.

Backtobedlam · 16/03/2014 07:59

He quite clearly means he'll buy the tickets you buy popcorn/sweets when there. I can understand you feeling a pang of disappointment as it's nice to feel like you're being spoilt, even if you then offer and pay half. I wouldn't be put off though, I have a lovely single friend who has been on quite a few dates with girls who just seem to have used him to buy meals, nights out, even perfume...I'm not suggesting you're doing this, but it has made him very wary about offering to pay. Give this guy a chance and see what happens.

TwittyMcTwitterson · 16/03/2014 08:05

First time I read OP, I thought he meant to pay but second time I read it I realise he uses the word 'book' which makes me think he means book the food. I really don't know.

I'm so intrigued to find out!!!! Wink

Herecomesthesciencebint · 16/03/2014 08:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TwittyMcTwitterson · 16/03/2014 08:14

If it's a bit matey and casual... Could that be because he's actually the sweetest guy ever and is trying to make it a relaxed affair for a girl who hasn't had a date for six years???

Do it OP. Do it!!!! I'm excited for you GrinGrinGrin

pictish · 16/03/2014 08:15

I'd proceed with caution basically. It wouldn't 'put me off' as such, and I would definitely stick to the date. I think it's a friendly text, but it would be duly noted as a potential heads up.

JapaneseMargaret · 16/03/2014 08:16

Minnie - where does the OP say the word 'grub' puts her off?

She doesn't say that at all.

Sleepyfergus · 16/03/2014 08:19

What's his number? I'll text him to warm him about you OP, about how you are completely over analysing and being completely anal and childish about a word and what it might or might not mean.

Sheesh! Think he's better off with someone else!

eddielizzard · 16/03/2014 08:25

well i'd probably go and then see how it develops. nothing worse than a tight arse.

Valdeeves · 16/03/2014 08:32

I'd text do you mean you want to eat before and want me to book somewhere or do you mean cinema snacks??
If his reply is "You sort out the cinema snacks" - I'd go on the date but then I'd arrange a few day trips to places with admission to see if he always makes you go halves.
If he does I'd be put massively off.
Myself and my hubby have shared finances but he is generous and chivalrous with money when he can be (we don't have a lot.) I have men who don't at least treat you a bit in the beginning are really really tight and it extends to their personality in every way.

Valdeeves · 16/03/2014 08:34

It's not about being childish - if he hasn't asked you'd have probably bought the popcorn anyway.

Yamyoid · 16/03/2014 08:34

What's with all the people berating the op for disliking a word when she never said that!
It's not very clear what the op doesn't like and the bloke's text is also unclear.
Op, I think you should just ask him what he means.
Hope the date goes well Smile