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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be put off by this?

544 replies

DomesticDisgrace · 15/03/2014 23:39

Please tell me I'm being unreasonable! I met this really really lovely guy today and I was hoping he'd ask me out because we hit it off instantly! When I came home he did and I was absolutely delighted, we decided on the cinema and he texted saying "I'll book the tickets, can you look after the grub?"
I can't help but be really put off by him now, I'm disgusted with myself Blush
I haven't been on a date in about six years as I was with my ex and he wasn't working for the majority of our relationship so I'm super scared of ending up with a stinge (this guy is working by the way)

Am I being horrible? It's really put me off him!

OP posts:
LoveBeingCantThinkOfAName · 16/03/2014 08:34

He could of course be trying too hard to come over as casual

dammitsue · 16/03/2014 08:42

Text back "are you a sweets or popcorn man"....this clears up the doubt over it being meant as as meal.
And, maybe....just maybe op, after hitting it if as well as you say he feels comfortable texting you in this informal, chatty way.?????
He sounds nice. My husband says 'sarnie', I hate it but wouldnt not have him over it!!

perplexedpirate · 16/03/2014 08:42

I would try to have a nice time, I really would, but all through the date I'd be thinking 'grub? Grub?! Seriously?!' and he'd have a mountain to climb to make me like him despite that.
See also 'yummy', 'nom nom' and 'packet of crisp'.
The fact he's fussing about money already would also be a major turn off.
People are actually allowed to have preferences and these are mine.

wowfudge · 16/03/2014 08:44

Don't know how this has panned out, but instead of imagining he's going to leave you with the bill for food, whatever it is, why not just ring him and speak with him to clarify what he means? It's not difficult.

I read it to mean he'd book the cinema tickets, you book a table somewhere for dinner. If he's saying he'll book the cinema, you buy the popcorn then even with the ludicrous prices cinemas charge, you get the better end of the deal in terms of money spent.

Those of you who can't bear the word grub, it's better than some of the alternatives he could have used.

gastrognome · 16/03/2014 08:47

I think you are probably being a bit unreasonable.

It wouldn't bother me if somebody wanted to check whether we could split costs. I don't love the word grub but it's hardly a big deal, just a choice of word. It's not offensive or anything. Just a bit cringe-worthy. (Could have been worse - he could have said "scran").

Having said that, text messages in these sorts of situations are rubbish because half the time they leave you wondering what on earth the person is on about.

I'd just call (or text, if you must) and ask "what sort of food were you thinking about?". If he says dinner at the nearest Michelin starred restaurant, your treat, then ok YANBU.

Sleepyfergus · 16/03/2014 08:49

Seriously???! This thread is ridiculous. OP met a guy, they got ot off, it could be the start of something wonderful yet she's wringing her hands over a word/wording if a sentence.

OP, if ear you may beating for a long time if this how much you analyse every.minute.detail

If it worries you SO much, text back saying something along the lines of "sure, what do you fancy?" Or "any particular requests" which should hopefully determine if its popcorn or a slap up 3 courser he's after.

Of course he could just mean he'll organise the tickets and you organise the food (ie. Restaurant) and then you go halves on the night or perhaps he'll pay for it all

But FFS, stop trying to 2nd guess a text and potentially mark this guys card before the event.

This kind of debate belongs in the playground.

perplexedpirate · 16/03/2014 08:52

Scran, grub, nose-bag, munch, yummies, nosh etc
They are such horrible sounding words and not appetising in the slightest.
Off the topic, slightly, sorry OP.

wowfudge · 16/03/2014 08:52

Gastro - I was thinking of scran! I really don't understand why so many people have assumed he means the OP has to pay for the grub? FGS you're both adults so flipping we'll talk to each other instead of reading in things to a damn two line text that aren't there.

Sleepyfergus · 16/03/2014 08:53

Sorry, typing with wriggly baby.

I meant to say "OP, you may be single for a long time if..."

SuffragetteCity · 16/03/2014 08:53

You could show up for the date and tell him you're looking after the grub, you've got beetle larvae in your handbag! Grin

But really, I would text back and clarify if he means cinema snacks or dinner.

TheRealGarethMalone · 16/03/2014 08:54

Just ask him! You have no chance of developing a relationship with someone if you can't ask them a simple question.

Poor man, if he knew the level of analysis there has been about this, he would probably be appalled.

chrome100 · 16/03/2014 08:54

Erm...I really don't see the problem here? He pays for the tickets, you get the food? OK, so the word "grub" is a little odd but it's hardly enough to make him a bad person!

Smilesandpiles · 16/03/2014 08:56

For gods sake,

Just text back.

"Can do, what do you want?"

wowfudge · 16/03/2014 08:58

They'll never make it out on this date at this rate.

Ledkr · 16/03/2014 08:59

My dh text me on our first date.

I've booked table, it's a nice restaurant, which will probably be lost on you! my treat! no starters/deserts etc.

He was of course joking, are you sure he's not doing the same?

RedFocus · 16/03/2014 09:02

OMG really? You are seriously unhappy because he asked you on a date and suggested you pay for the food?
Did the word 'grub' not meet with your approval?
You sound seriously up your own arse op!
Maybe you are still not ready to date!

angeltulips · 16/03/2014 09:03

I read the text as meaning he is one of those people who goes to the supermarket to buy sweets in order to avoid overinflated cinema prices, and is asking the op to do this for their date

Which just goes to show it's a confusing text & you should clarify

JapaneseMargaret · 16/03/2014 09:08

I genuinely think the OP is just a bit worried that he's not a generous type of person, and I have to say, that's fair enough.

I neither want, nor expect a man to pay for me, but the fact that my DH is generous is a trait I really like about him. Tight people are no fun to be around. In my opinion, of course.

fishybits · 16/03/2014 09:09

DH says scran. It's a word used in the Royal Navy to mean food.

Grub is a slang word. Other inoffensive slang words include legless, snookered and minted.

wowfudge · 16/03/2014 09:10

Angel - sounds like a good idea, given the prices they charge. But wait, where on earth did you get that from in the text?!

perplexedpirate · 16/03/2014 09:14

Oh well, if it's slang or Navy-speak we must all immediately relinquish any opinion about it.
Hmm

Sparklysilversequins · 16/03/2014 09:17

It would put me off and I wouldn't feel guilty about it either! I'm quite happy to pay my share sunshine and you don't have to ensure that I do at this stage of the game. Assume I will pay my way just as I would YOU!

HappyMummyOfOne · 16/03/2014 09:18

Poor bloke, if you are going to pull him apart over a text then do him a favour and dont go.

We have obviously stepped back into the dark ages where the man should pay for everything simply because he is male. Calling him tight as he assume they will split costs is very unfair, both are adults and neither is more important or deserving than the other.

Sunbow · 16/03/2014 09:18

Sorry but it would be a massive turn off for me as well. I would always get my purse out and offer to pay half but on the first few dates I would expect to be waved away. If he can't make the effort to impress you and treat you at the very beginning, what the hell is he going to be like down the line?

JapaneseMargaret · 16/03/2014 09:21

That's not what it's about at all, HappyMummy.