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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it's not ok for a female colleague to texting my husband?

262 replies

WhereIsMyShaow · 15/02/2014 02:41

My dh works in a large company and is the assistant manager of a small team (10ish people), and he has been signed off sick all week as he has tonsillitis.

One of the women on the team sent him a photo of a box of doughnuts saying- look what you're missing out on.

And then saying how much she misses him in work and that it's so quiet without him and he needs to hurry back etc.

Aibu to not like this?

OP posts:
FatNotFit · 15/02/2014 02:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

perfectstorm · 15/02/2014 02:46

If it's a oneoff, and friendly, I wouldn't mind. But then my DH could get messages like that from any one of his team.

It would depend on whether yours has form for raising worries over other women, or whether this woman is someone he mentions a lot - also the tone of the message; friendly or over-friendly.

On what you've said, I can't see a problem. But your gut may be telling you something on info I'm not privy to, so... I don't know if YABU nor not!

SlinkyB · 15/02/2014 02:51

Wouldn't bother me, but I've never been the jealous type.

DH has work friends who happen to be women, I have mates who happen to be men

LoopyDoopyDoo · 15/02/2014 02:58

I think it's fine. Are you usually jealous?

squoosh · 15/02/2014 03:05

If it was one text YABU

If it's been a series of texts YANBU

AgentZigzag · 15/02/2014 03:10

It's a text that could have things read into it, but I didn't think it was that bad as I read it (and applied it to my DH getting it).

For me I think it's the phone being a private way of contacting someone that I'd feel a little uneasy about, it wouldn't be as bad if it was on facebook and for everyone to see, it'd look more like it was from his work colleagues rather than a woman he works with.

On it's own YABU, but if you've noticed that other things are starting to add up then you're not BU.

shakinstevenslovechild · 15/02/2014 03:12

Don't you trust your husband for some reason?

It all sounds perfectly normal to me, he is off ill, a work friend is trying to cheer him up a bit, no big deal (assuming there is no back story).

AgentZigzag · 15/02/2014 03:13

I'm not sure keeping your eye out necessarily adds up to jealousy Loopy.

Forewarned is forearmed and all that.

AgentZigzag · 15/02/2014 03:15

I trust my DH, but I don't trust him 100%, it can bloody hurt if you do and get caught out.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 15/02/2014 03:17

Op what was the exact wording of the text? It makes a difference.

OutragedFromLeeds · 15/02/2014 03:42

The doughnuts thing sounds fine. Friendly banter.

With the other ones it depends on the wording, how many etc.

YABU to think that women should never send friendly texts to their male co-workers. The idea that men and women can't be friends is silly.

Philoslothy · 15/02/2014 03:49

Would not bother me.

BOFtastic · 15/02/2014 04:08

It sounds ok to me- unless you think they are having an affair and the doughnut is a vagina metaphor.

FirstStopCafe · 15/02/2014 04:33

I wouldn't mind. My dh has female friends

Catsize · 15/02/2014 04:49

Sounds like a friend trying to cheer up a poorly colleague and make him feel valued.

FutTheShuckUp · 15/02/2014 05:10

I'd text this kind of thing to a colleague. Only difference is all mine are female. Doesn't mean I'm trying to hit on them fgs

Cockadoodledooo · 15/02/2014 05:43

I wouldn't mind. I trust my dh and think it's entirely normal to have some kind of interaction between colleagues of whatever sex. I've sent similar to a (male) colleague in fact and there was certainly no flirting involved!

BlueFrenchHorn · 15/02/2014 05:46

It would bloody bother me. I think she's been inappropriate.

Fouette · 15/02/2014 05:58

Would probably bother me tbh. But it would depend on the wording.

"Get your arse back to work I'm bored" - ok

"I really miss you, please hurry, I'm so bored without you." - not ok.

TheXxed · 15/02/2014 06:10

I think its nice, I would be pleased shows he is a valued part of the team.

PansOnFire · 15/02/2014 06:15

Agree with TheXxed and unless your DH and her have a backstory I don't think it's inappropriate. Married people can have good friendships at work too.

differentnameforthis · 15/02/2014 06:28

It wouldn't bother me...I trust my husband & know that even if someone was going to try anything, he would turn them down.

Nothing he does makes me feel threatened by/jealous of any woman.

differentnameforthis · 15/02/2014 06:37

When I got back to work after my maternity leave, one of the guys who works in the lab we used told me he missed me, we were friendly, didn't have phone numbers for each other, but if we had, it would have been possible that he could have text to say he missed me.

The reason being was, before I worked on reception (dental practice) I worked in the surgeries. I knew how their process worked & could often help them with any queries they had, where as the other 2 went straight to admin duties & had no idea of the working of a surgery. I was also the friendliest receptionist there (out of three, the other 2 miserable sods)

Quite simply, he missed me because I got the job done & didn't make & his staff feel like they were wasting my time when they called with a query.

Missing someone you work with doesn't indicate something inappropriate is happening

FadBook · 15/02/2014 06:41

The thing with texts is that it replaces the old fashioned way of wishing someone well by card. Twenty years ago, he'd probably have received a get well soon card signed by all colleagues with similar messages to that of the text.

He's obviously been honest about the text for you to know about it, are you concerned about him lying?

Helpyourself · 15/02/2014 06:48

Is there a back story here?
Those texts alone are fine.