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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What the hell do I do?

212 replies

HowJustHow · 24/01/2014 23:02

Ok this isn't so much an AIBU because I know I have been. 100% I know I have been a complete dick.

I slept with a friend tonight, he has a long term serious girlfriend. I have to be in his company tomorrow night. I do not know what to do.

I am fully aware what a horrible person I am right now. There is absolutely no way I can get out of tomorrow. I have zero intention of it happening again although he has different ideas which I have tried to put firmly out of his head.

It was a mistake but life will dictate that I have to spend time with this man in future.

I made a mistake and I am sorry but need a bit of advice on how to move forward...

OP posts:
Original poster
HowJustHow · 24/01/2014 23:07

And although I deserve a complete flaming, I cannot feel worse about this than I already do...

OP posts:
Famzilla · 24/01/2014 23:11

Why can't you just say it's not gonna happen and that he needs to tell his GF?

ShephardsDelight · 24/01/2014 23:12

How did you end up in a situation where you ended up sleeping with him if he is in a serious relationship?

I don't think people go out looking to cheat but put themselves in situations/fail to put up boundaries to protect themselves from an affair,
has he cheated before to your knowledge do you plan on owning up?

It takes 2 to tango remember.

greenfolder · 24/01/2014 23:13

Don't understand why you have to be in his company again tomorrow? Free world and all that? You feel guilty,does he?

TalisaMaegyr · 24/01/2014 23:13

Why can't you get out of tomorrow? You need to think what to do.

Original poster
HowJustHow · 24/01/2014 23:21

I have been going through a hard time and we are very close friends. He came to see me. Too much wine was drank and although it's a cliche one thing led to another.

I did not think at all. Poor excuse I know.

To be honest, I do not want her to find out so no I am not intending on "owning up". I am single and although it isn't an excuse I don't think it's my place to break up their relationship, it's down to him. If he wants to tell her I will support that.

Tomorrow is a mutual friends wedding so I will not let my friend down by being a no show.

OP posts:
Famzilla · 24/01/2014 23:25

You might not think it's your place to break up their relationship, but you kind of lost that high ground when you slept with him.

Imagine if it was you and your partner had done that with another women, and she had the same lack of respect for you.

Original poster
HowJustHow · 24/01/2014 23:25

Sorry missed a few questions. Him and I have slept together once before when they split up for around 4 months, other than that he has never strayed to my knowledge. And it is something he would usually tell me.

I'm not sure if he feels guilty, I have had a couple of messages since he left that suggest he feels bad but wants to end things with her and give things a go with me and him. I haven't replied.

I feel physically ill.

OP posts:
Undertone · 24/01/2014 23:26

Sorry you should have thought about how it would have impacted mutual friends before you shagged him.

You can't go to the wedding.
It's not a trivial matter.

If you think it is; nothing we can do to stop you.

Original poster
HowJustHow · 24/01/2014 23:26

It isn't a high ground at all famzilla what's happened is bad but I don't think I have any right or need to make things worse...?

OP posts:
Original poster
HowJustHow · 24/01/2014 23:27

I would also like to say when it happened before we were only 16 it was 10 years ago.

OP posts:
Original poster
HowJustHow · 24/01/2014 23:28

I don't think it trivial in the slightest but I will be going to my friends wedding that's non negotiable.

OP posts:
propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 24/01/2014 23:29

You could just go along tomorrow night and style it out? Tell him that it did not happen and deny it totally to everyone if the issue is ever raised by anyone else. I had a friend who did this and got away with it. Everyone believed her over him.

Famzilla · 24/01/2014 23:29

I think the only redeeming thing in this whole sorry situation would be to give that poor woman a chance to know what her partner does behind her back, and hopefully stop being taken for a mug by you both.

cozietoesie · 24/01/2014 23:29

You'd best not go to the wedding whatever you feel. Develop Tactical Typhoid or something.

Imagine how awful it would be for the bride if something kicked off.

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 24/01/2014 23:30

Of course she can go to the bloody wedding. Jeez Undertone

Go to the wedding. Tell said friend you have zero interest in a relationship with him. Tell him that while you won't tell his girlfriend, you won't be spending any time with her at all.

You can't lie to her face.

ShephardsDelight · 24/01/2014 23:31

so you spent time alone drinking pouring you're heart out to someone you've slept with before , in the knowledge he has a GF?
I thought it might be something like that,
used protection I hope?

I dunno maybe go and keep your distance as much as possible.

BrianTheMole · 24/01/2014 23:32

Well, he is the one that has a responsibility. A huge part of the blame is his. I'm assuming you are single. You have a problem if he has other ideas, now and in the future. How are you going to deal with that?

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 24/01/2014 23:32

I don't understand why there would be a scene?

If someone was confrontational towards me and it was in an inappropriate place, I would ignore and walk away.

Original poster
HowJustHow · 24/01/2014 23:33

Nothing will kick off. Nobody knows and nobody will know.

His girlfriend is not going to be there as she has to work.

OP posts:
Original poster
HowJustHow · 24/01/2014 23:36

A side note it will not happen again the fact his girlfriend won't be there I only mentioned to people who think I will sit with her tomorrow night acting all friendly. It won't be like that.

I have told him it wont happen again.

I also didn't pour my heart out, he was here to cheer me up have a drink and a laugh as we have done a million times something just went seriously awol.

OP posts:
hoobypickypicky · 24/01/2014 23:38

You won't get a flaming from me.

Go to the wedding, head high. Smile and nod at him and keep your distance until you can have a civil talk in private and in a different environment. Don't try to discuss it tomorrow, it's not the time.

You made a mistake, an error of judgement. Put it behind you and move on. It's not the end of the world. No-one died. Just ffs don't drink more than a glass or two of wine and risk being indiscreet tomorrow.

propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS · 24/01/2014 23:40

I didn't do it, nobody saw me do it, you can't prove anything

Original poster
HowJustHow · 24/01/2014 23:40

Protection - I am on the pill but nothing else no.

His messages since he has left have said he can't wait till tomorrow night to see me. That he wants to end things with DGF that he wants to give us a shot etc etc. The latest that he is going to end things tonight...

I have just replied telling him we won't be giving it a shot but if he wants to end things on his own terms then that's up to him...

I knows it's a cheek to say I don't want to be instrumental in the break up of a couple as obviously I can't given what happened but I really really wish it wasn't the case.

OP posts:
Helpyourself · 24/01/2014 23:40

If the GF won't be there, you'll probably get drunk and shag him again.
Come on, you know what you're playing at. How else was
pouring your heart drunk to someone you've already slept with going to end? Hmm

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