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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to expect to know what time he's coming over?

435 replies

Dollslikeyouandme · 22/01/2014 20:13

A lot of a backstory, boyfriend of 5 years, don't live together but he's round mine more often than not.

He comes over anytime between 6 and half 8. Depending on what time he finishes work, whether he goes home first to shower or showers here etc.

I make him tea when he comes, everyday I finish work, I have to sort evening meal for myself and my son. Boyfriend never gives me a courtesy call to say what time he will be over. I'd like to know as then I can decide whether to hang on to make tea, whether to make two meals, leave his in oven or whatever.

When I ring to ask him he either ignores me or texts me saying 'normal time', which could mean anytime.

Sometimes he decides at 5.30 that he's not even coming.

If I just don't bother making him anything then I'm wrong too

Aibu?

OP posts:
LEMmingaround · 22/01/2014 20:14

fuck that, LTB

BadChat25 · 22/01/2014 20:16

Just eat when you want and leave a plate for him to reheat later or get him to make his own damn dinner

Only1scoop · 22/01/2014 20:17

Sounds like you have got into a monotonous routine with him. I'd break it.

AdoraBell · 22/01/2014 20:17

So basically you're a B&B that he doesn't have To pay for. That's not a boyfriend, it's a piss taker.

LTB

ArtexMonkey · 22/01/2014 20:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

harticus · 22/01/2014 20:19

What?
He chips up whenever he feels like it and expects grub on the table?!
How about you eat when you want and he fucking grows up?

WoodBurnerBabe · 22/01/2014 20:20

Actually seriously? He is totally taking you for granted, this needs to change.

FoxOff · 22/01/2014 20:21

He's treating you like a hotel and you shouldn't stand for it. He probably doesn't realise how badly he's treating you so you should tell him. And then he'll say you're worse then his mother and he'll sulk.

Original poster
Dollslikeyouandme · 22/01/2014 20:22

I think some food isn't nice reheated so would feel bad doing that.

I've been dancing this merry tune for so long and it's just dawned on me that I think he's taking the piss a bit.

He acts as though I'm completely unreasonable to ask a round a bout time, he even says he'll ring me when he's on his way and I can 'put his tea on'.

OP posts:
BadChat25 · 22/01/2014 20:23

I think some food isn't nice reheated so would feel bad doing that.

I think I would be telling him to eat at home for a few nights.

Original poster
Dollslikeyouandme · 22/01/2014 20:24

Well he acts as though I'm in the wrong for asking, 'normal time' means not a lot, but I've fell for it.

If I don't make him anything then he doesn't say anything but he acts as though he's hard done by and I'm being unkind.

OP posts:
DejaVuAllOverAgain · 22/01/2014 20:25

Cheeky twat Shock

Tell him to make his own tea.

Only1scoop · 22/01/2014 20:25

'Some food isn't nice re heated'
Don't know about that....probably regains flavour when it's been in the bin and then reheated....Wink
Try it

MyNameIsKenAdams · 22/01/2014 20:26

So....let me get this straight. You have been together five years. He doesnt live there. Comes round for tea every night but doesnt tell you what time. Complains if theres no tea. Eats. Leaves.

Wtaf?!

WhoNickedMyName · 22/01/2014 20:27

Is this the same fella that you keep posting about... the one that comes over and wants to put his rat-shit covered overalls in your washing machine?

You're not his girlfriend, you are his cook, cleaner and a shag/bed for the night when he feels like it.

Original poster
Dollslikeyouandme · 22/01/2014 20:27

As I said there's a back story but having discussed this with someone else today I'm wondering whether he knows exactly what he's doing and enjoys having me jump through hoops and then making me out to be the unreasonable one.

OP posts:
Pobblewhohasnotoes · 22/01/2014 20:28

He's taking the piss! Come on OP!

Littlefish · 22/01/2014 20:29

Stop being a doormat.

Either he gives you the information you want, or he doesn't get fed.

Or

Stop feeding him and tell him to cook for himself.

Does he contribute financially towards all the meals and lodgings you provide?

Mellowandfruitful · 22/01/2014 20:30

Given that you're wrong no matter what you do, you may as well stop cooking for him! At least then you are 'wrong' but haven't had to cook two meals!

As for 'acting as though he's hard done by', that's the behaviour of a 7 year old and as such deserved to be ignored.

I can imagine that you may not be ready to LTB right away (though it would be beneficial) but I would stop ringing him to ask when he's coming round, and I would stop cooking anything. If he rings to tell you to 'put the tea on', I would say that you haven't got a lot in so he will need to pick something up on his way or get a takeaway. To be honest, this in itself will probably solve the relationship problem, because once he seems you are not such an easy target anymore, he may well lose interest

Guiltypleasures001 · 22/01/2014 20:31

Fuck me seriously op? Unless he's giving you house keeping plus a lifetime gift card to interflorana kick his sulking arse to the kerb.

I assume ney hope you don't do his washing and ironing as well please say it ain't so? What exactly does this dock lodger contribute. Meals out, cinema, and as Anyfucker will say in a heartbeat has he got a golden cock?

Mellowandfruitful · 22/01/2014 20:32

In answer to your last post, yes he does and yes, he is. Put a stop to it now.

Original poster
Dollslikeyouandme · 22/01/2014 20:33

He doesn't contribute financially no, he does usually pay for a pub meal or something at the weekend and pays for other stuff here and there so I kind of think fair enough money wise.

OP posts:
Guiltypleasures001 · 22/01/2014 20:33

Poxy ipad corrections cock lodger

Only1scoop · 22/01/2014 20:34

He must be amazing in the sack Grin

MyNameIsKenAdams · 22/01/2014 20:35

What is the reason for him not living there?

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