Aibu to expect to know what time he's coming over?

[Dollslikeyouandme]

A lot of a backstory, boyfriend of 5 years, don't live together but he's round mine more often than not.

He comes over anytime between 6 and half 8. Depending on what time he finishes work, whether he goes home first to shower or showers here etc.

I make him tea when he comes, everyday I finish work, I have to sort evening meal for myself and my son. Boyfriend never gives me a courtesy call to say what time he will be over. I'd like to know as then I can decide whether to hang on to make tea, whether to make two meals, leave his in oven or whatever.

When I ring to ask him he either ignores me or texts me saying 'normal time', which could mean anytime.

Sometimes he decides at 5.30 that he's not even coming.

If I just don't bother making him anything then I'm wrong too

Aibu?

Are you his partner or his mother?

Seriously though, he is taking you for granted, you deserve better OP.

Mellow, thanks, if I were to say I didn't have much in he'd go and get himself chips or macdonalds, fair enough, but then he will sit moaning about his weight and I can't really explain it, as he doesn't say it outright, but I'm made to feel that it's my fault, whole other thread but he does insinuate that his weight is my fault.

The other thing he might do is make himself something and leave a big mess in the kitchen, and he makes a hell of a mess.

There are lots of things which he does that are unacceptable, but this is something I kind of hadn't realised was driving me insane yet I somehow thought I was in the wrong.

You're a doormat OP.

The reasons for him not living here are a long list of excuses, he is supposed to be moving in like now. There aren't really any excuses left so he is orchestrating arguments that are of course my fault.

So let me get this straight - if you say you don't have much food in, he will go and get HIMSELF chips or a macdonalds??

Wow

You're probably right Pictish but he has this way of turning anything around so that it's my fault.

OP, WTF are you doing???
Stop cooking for this fool. You're not his mum and he's presumably not 15?
Because that is exactly the relationship you have now. You're dating Kevin.

Op you've said yourself now this is one of the many things he does that are unacceptable, so to avoid drip feeding just write the list out and then read it back to yourself and if it's all still unacceptable to you believe me it will be for us lot

You will always feel like you are in the wrong because that's where he is putting you.

Do yourself a favour and tell him To piss off ( or maybe not so blunt as me)

just tell him to fuck off - and to stay fucked off. You deserve so much better. Does he have any sort of relationship with your children?

Dolls the simplest solution is to pack up all the random crap he has lying around the place, have it teady for when he next comes round and hand it to him. Ask for the key back, if he has one, and wish him a pleasant life.

Get out.

Why bother with him?
You're just his mother come housekeeper...and what's more, he doesn't even have to stick around and grace you with his presence to get it. He just gives the shout and off you trot.
Why would you accept this?

If someone treats you like shit, it is their fault. Entirely.

thank god he's not moved in. imagine how that would be.

OK, so you need to blank out all this moaning about his weight. When he starts up with it, just say nothing at all. It doesn't succeed if it doesn't get a reaction from you. His weight is entirely his responsibility, and he knows it. The comments are part of the campaign to make you feel like your entire life is meant to be spent running around after him and making his life better.

Again, the best option long term for you is an end to the whole relationship, but take it step by step if you're not ready for that. So stop the cooking lark. If he mentions anything about it, say that it's just easier for him to get something and it gives him more freedom. Start distancing yourself from his notions about everything you owe it to him to do for him.

You do realise you need to LTB yeah?

He is big time taking the piss.
Stop making him dinner, and can you be out somewhere next time when he calls?
Take your DS to McD's for a treat?

M.U.G

Sorry LEM I think I misunderstood. He would have no problems getting me or ds some food in if I asked, he'd get himself food if I didn't cook I mean. But then blame me that he had to eat junk food. He will also cook or pay for a meal out or a takeaway on the weekends, it's just in the week.

He won't collect his own things if we break up but that's another story. I dropped them round to him once and he bought them all back.

He's kind of had me believing that I should be this all cooking, all cleaning, singing dancing domestic goddess, and if I can't read his mind and have a fresh meal on the table at his convenience I'm some kind of a failure to woman kind.

Ok so he's never actually said that, but it's the little comments and actions and telling me what his 'mother' does so amazingly well and what his father doesn't do.

OP, please tell me you don't do his washing?

Erm....rod...own back

The comments are part of the campaign to make you feel like your entire life is meant to be spent running around after him and making his life better.

Yup. This fucker thinks it's your role to serve him....emotionally, practically, sexually....while he is obliged to give nothing in return.
He must love having you perched there waiting for his command.

I think he can shove his pub lunch at the weekend up his fat arse.