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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have expected this woman to remove her tantruming child?

360 replies

musicboxwoundbyakey · 05/01/2014 22:25

Went out for Sunday dinner with two friends. They were sat next to each other and I was sat opposite so my chair was in the middle (not sure if that's completely relevant but don't want to drip feed)

We were sat on a higher tier of the restaurant (3 steps). A woman with 2ish year old (could have been a little younger) walked up with a friend and her baby when her ds started to throw a huge tantrum and dropped to the floor right next to me.

As my chair was in the middle and not on the edge he really was right next to me screaming and crying and she left him there for a good few minutes and went to sit down before picking him up.

Now I was in a family friendly restaurant and don't care about children throwing tantrums or crying (it's expected) and with a tantrum its usually best ignored but I think in this situation she should have been quicker to pick him up and remove him from our table?

OP posts:
Catswiththumbs · 05/01/2014 22:27

There's a saying if you work in hospitality- the guests leave their brains at the door.

People lose all rational sense and behaviour.

Of course she should have moved the little brat him

vestandknickers · 05/01/2014 22:28

Really?

Have you nothing else to moan about?

Have you never had to deal with child having a strop?

Show a bit of compassion please.

SaucyJack · 05/01/2014 22:31

YANBU. If she'd have been in the p&c of her own dining-room, then what she did would've been perfectly good parenting.

BUt she wasn't, and it wasn't fair of her to disrupt your meal in that manner.

SecondStarToTheRight · 05/01/2014 22:32

Have you ever tried moving a child when they are in a full blown tantrum?

If it had been my child, as much as I would have wanted to move him, it would have caused one of two things (if not both) - 1) injury to either me or him and 2) the tantrum to last longer.

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 05/01/2014 22:32

Yep YANBU . I would have told the mother exactly what I thought too.and my DH would be cringing in the corner

CockBollocks · 05/01/2014 22:33

Maybe she needed to put her stuff down so she could have full control of tantrum child, my children had super human strength in full tantrum mode.

Yabu.

PedlarsSpanner · 05/01/2014 22:33

I bet you were at a Toby Carvery, with their scrumptious giant yorkshire puddings

selsigfach · 05/01/2014 22:33

The mother wasn't showing any compassion for her fellow diners. YANBU. I would have said something to her, the rude, selfish cow.

ReluctantBeing · 05/01/2014 22:34

Yes she should have moved him.

HomeIsWhereTheGinIs · 05/01/2014 22:34

Yadnbu. The amount of people that try to defend this kind of abhorrent behaviour is amazing. Nobody should have to have their meal disturbed by someone else's children. If children can't behave, they shouldn't be eating out.

AuntieStella · 05/01/2014 22:34

I think it all depends on how any minutes 'a good few' actually is.

1? 5? 30?

willyoulistentome · 05/01/2014 22:34

Yanbu. You can ignore a tantrum in a supermarket or somewhere else public where people can easily move away or are passing by, but not in a restaurant. I would have taken the child outside and let it tantrum in the car park.

BuffyxSummers · 05/01/2014 22:35

YABU. Sometimes moving a child in the middle of a tantrum can cause more trouble than leaving him or her for a minute of two. You'd be moaning even more if she'd lifted him up and he'd lashed out and kicked you in the face or something.

stealthsquiggle · 05/01/2014 22:36

really, secondstar? A 2yo? I frequently picked up and relocated tantrumming 2-3yo DC without injury to anyone.

YANBU, OP - if she wants to leave him, that's fine, but not right next to someone trying to enjoy their meal.

StrawberryMojito · 05/01/2014 22:36

YANBU. My DS is going through the terrible 2s complete with meltdowns in public. I would not leave him to tantrum in a restaurant unless I physically couldn't remove him (eg I was already dealing with another dc)

ilovesmurfs · 05/01/2014 22:37

Well it depends how long she left him, when my dd tantrums I sometimes walk away a short distance as the she may stop and follow me, but if she didn't I wpudl thrn pick her up. If I was carrying bags etc I may have to put those down first.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 05/01/2014 22:38

I'm not a perfect parent by any means but one thing my DC were never allowed to do was strop in a resturant. They were either forewarned to behave or (when they were younger) only taken to child friendly places (like Debenhams cafe) where it was quick service, things to keep them entertained, and child friendly food.

Today I had the mother of all headaches (no, not a hangover) and there were several schreechy children that I'd normally filter out.
But today, I bought painkillers, had coffee and gave them a Hard Stare .

lunar1 · 05/01/2014 22:38

YANBU, they should not have left him right by you. If it had been my tantruming child id have picked him up straight away and gone outside or to the toilets. Its not on to ruin a meal someone has paid for.

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 05/01/2014 22:39

If the child was prone to having tantrums like that the mother should not be bringing him anywhere near a restraunt!

McPheezingMyButtOff · 05/01/2014 22:40

Well I would have moved dd. But, in the bigger picture, you don't know how her day had gone. Maybe this was one more than she could deal with. Compassion and understanding is free Smile

CockBollocks · 05/01/2014 22:45

Ha, stealth my ds was like a wet fish mid tantrum. Once had to carry him out of a supermarket by one arm and one leg - oh the "compassionate" fucking judgmental stares I got that day. Grin

Whistleblower0 · 05/01/2014 22:46

Yanbu. The mother was an arsehole. I wsh under 12's were not allowed in to pubs and restaurants.
We are going on holiday this summer to a hotel that doesn't allow under 14'sSmile
I was in a pub on new years eve with friends. A stupid bint of a women with a tantrumming ( 3ish year old) was ignoring the killer stares she was getting from most of the patrons.
In the end my friend complained to the manager, and he had a quiet word.
Five minutes later she left. There was lots if cheering.Grin

nonmifairidere · 05/01/2014 22:47

Glass of ice cold water in the face works wonders. Gets them out of bed, too. Only have to do
it once, in my experience.

stealthsquiggle · 05/01/2014 22:48

cockbollocks - mine spent much of their 2yo years in dungarees Grin

I also perfected the fireman's lift as DD's tantrums outlasted the dungarees. I once carried her through an entire shopping centre, over my shoulder (fireman's lift style), with her struggling and screaming "I don't like you. Leave me alone. Put me down" repeatedly - it still slightly worries me that no-one stopped me.

All of the above notwithstanding, my DC did not get to tantrum in restaurants, and would have been removed by fair means or foul.

jacks365 · 05/01/2014 22:50

My 2yo doesn't tantrum much but boy when she does you know about it and if I pick her up when she first throws herself down then she kicks, hits bites and generally squirms about, leaving it 2-3 minutes makes it safer for everyone within about a mile radius. I hate it if its disturbing others and do apologise and explain. Just ignoring the situation and the effect on others is rude.