to have expected this woman to remove her tantruming child?

[musicboxwoundbyakey]

Went out for Sunday dinner with two friends. They were sat next to each other and I was sat opposite so my chair was in the middle (not sure if that's completely relevant but don't want to drip feed)

We were sat on a higher tier of the restaurant (3 steps). A woman with 2ish year old (could have been a little younger) walked up with a friend and her baby when her ds started to throw a huge tantrum and dropped to the floor right next to me.

As my chair was in the middle and not on the edge he really was right next to me screaming and crying and she left him there for a good few minutes and went to sit down before picking him up.

Now I was in a family friendly restaurant and don't care about children throwing tantrums or crying (it's expected) and with a tantrum its usually best ignored but I think in this situation she should have been quicker to pick him up and remove him from our table?

Oh I get it, I'm on the perfect parents thread, my mistake. You carry on categorically not permitting your child to do x, y, z. How fantastic that you have such amazing control of your children. Shame on me for having one with autism, god, you'd all hate her and love to judge me as such a terrible parent.

I would have told her to come deal with her fucking kid, told her that she should take it out like a normal person would and if that didn't make her move her lazy arse, complain to management with expectation of a refund.

Nice language, nice referring to a child as "it"!

When I see kids having tamtrums I am just releived its not once of mine, if I am close enough I will give the parents a "been there"smile and even try and help if I can.

I removed them when at all possible, sometiems its not possible ie if I am in a queue to pay etc.

Some people are just nobbers tho, like the woman who told me to make my ta trumming child "shut thefuck up" when walking home from school, she was tired and in the pushchair, nothign worked and the pushchair had a flat tyre and my 5 yr old had fallen over and so was walking slowly etc. Ot was just that kind of day, had I magically been able to shut her up I wpuld have done.

thornrose I agree if you want peace and quiet to work on a train go in the first class quiet coach. That does not however mean anyone not on that coach should have to put up with children running up and down the aisle.

Hopalong it's up to the parents to control their children. The OP should not be expected to have to ask them to remove their screaming child.

Before you tripped the child up, I presume you acted like a reasonable adult and spoke to the child's parent and said that since you were in the quiet carriage, and running up and down was distracting and probably dangerous, suggested she should stop her child from doing that? And then when she didn't, you spoke to a member of staff and asked them to get the child to stop? And then when that still didn't work, you acted like a petulant child and tripped the child up?

But tell me how a child going up and down an aisle stops you from working? It doesn't phase me in the slightest!

The op still hasnt clarrified exaclty how long the child was left by her table, if it was a minute whilst the adult ut ehr bags down etc fair enough.

I remove mien when I can, sometimes if I have all five of them tho then I cant ie the others are still eatign, I will take the toddler away to a distance where I can still keep an eye on the others.

I got the desired result. He stfu for the rest of the journey

"I tripped him up". Classy that. Classy. .

No, but perhaps if people stopped all their silent seething and judgy tutting and actually said something, then more parents would be spurred into action on that occasion and in the future? We've all had days where it's just one tantrum too many and the temptation to think 'sod it, just cry then' and stop giving a fuck about anyone else, gets quite high. We might not all do it, obviously, but I just do not see the point in getting all cross and stick-up-arsey about it when you could have actually done something about it rather than sat through a few minutes of crying.

I can't think of anywhere worse to go with a child prone to tantrums than a restaurant. We always told ours, the pudding comes out last...we will leave if your behaviour appropriate and there will be no pudding.
Found the worst places for tantrums were the so called family restaurants - too many distractions - balloons, toys, climbing frames - kids don't want to eat and at the age of 2 you can't let them run off by themselves, so you end up not eating or insisting that your dc stays at the table....then the tantrums start.

But thornrose your argument was that children running up & down train carriages is something others have to 'suck up'.

I don't see why they should, as a general thing - it's bloody annoying. & yes, lots of people do work on trains.

If your dd/any child struggles with not running up & down on trains because of her autism/any SN, then I'd be quite a bit more understanding, but 'suck it up' as an attitude isn't going to persuade me.

At that point, her behaviour might be entirely reasonable, but I'm not so sure yours is.

Oh Whistleblower I love your hilarious [grins] at the end of each of your hilarious comments. You sound so lovely.

The child could have had sn, she could have been having a shit day, or health problems meaning it is physically difficult to move a child.

However, for all she knew you had just lost a parent and were meeting friends for support.

Compassion goes both ways. Yanbu.

rather than sat through a few minutes of crying.

You sound as entitled as the mother in the post.

Sometimes your little darlings aren't darlings.

thornrose whilst there was no need for the poster you highlighted to refer to "fucking kid" she clearly identified the "kid" in the first part of the sentence and as we don't know if the child was male or female the use of "it" is standard English usage of a pronoun to avoid clumsy repetition of the noun.

You really are determined to make every excuse for bad parenting and attack anyone who disagrees with you.

No Raven what I said was "it's not your office" so suck it up, ie, if you choose to work on a train then you can't expect total silence.

I'm reacting to someone's deliberately inflammatory comments about tripping children up because they can't STFU can you really not see that?

Nice bit of selective reading their swing. Note how I mention up thread that actually I would have removed the child. I also wouldn't have sat there turning puce without saying anything, because I'm not a snail. Just bloody say something if it's bothering you.

Nope Caitlin you couldn't be further from the truth. I NEVER make excuses for bad parenting and I don't attack people who disagree with me. This thread has some very inflammatory comments to which I'm reacting.

Depends how long the tantrum was for. If she left 2yo at the side of OP for 15mins whilst she finished her Lambrini then no YDNBU. If she had left him for a minute or two whilst she put her stuff down to handle him with both hands. Believe me I have a 4yo who is very well behaved for the majority of times but then can have almighty tantrums when he feels like it (every 6months or so he seems to save up for the humdingers! :) ) and need all the manpower in the world to pick the deadweight up then yes YABU.

People have suggested throwing water over a tantruming child, and confessed to tripping children up when their running is distracting them. FFS, that is not reasonable behaviour. That's really quite cuntish actually. You're meant to be the adult in those situations.

hopalong if any parents are too stupid and/or selfish to not understand allowing a child to run up and down a train carriage is unacceptable I doubt very much I'd point it out to them.

Again why is the onus on a 3rd party to ask a parent to make their children behave?

Oh whistleblower you really are a charmer aren't you. Sorry for being so predictable. I never "allowed" my dd to behave like a brat because she has a disability. Well done to the parents of "all" the autistic children you know though!

&thornrose* I just can't see the jump from 'not expecting kids running up & down the aisle' (reasonable IMO, for any traveller) to expecting 'total silence' (not reasonable, probably not even in the quiet coach).

I would expect my family to allow other passengers to travel on a train without being irritated by my dc, as far as I can a) manage their behaviour & b) predict what others will be annoyed by.

To me, belting up & down the aisle would irritate me like fuck if someone else's kids did it. So I tell mine not to.

If they manage to annoy anyone in some other way that has passed under my radar, I'm more than happy to be told & - within reason - I'll stop them doing whatever that is, too.