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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to tell my 17 year old dd she can't go out.......

222 replies

Santababy40 · 22/12/2013 20:33

Hi all,

I'm a regular on MN but not been on here before. I've name changed also.
My 17 year old dd wants to go to a rave in London on New Years Eve! We live 4 hours from London. The friends she wants to go with are newish friends that I don't know, one of the boys is driving up and there are 2 others going with him and my dd also wanted to go in the car with them.
I have said no she can't go.

Am I being unreasonable??

OP posts:
ColaConkie · 22/12/2013 20:34

Yes YABU. She is 17

fifi669 · 22/12/2013 20:37

No, YANBU. Shes going with a bunch of people you don't know to a rave, 4 hours away and she's underage. Plus boys that age drive like knobs.

IamInvisible · 22/12/2013 20:38

YANBU.

DS2 is 17 in 2 days, he wouldn't be going either.

IamInvisible · 22/12/2013 20:39

DS1 didn't drive like a nob at 17, just saying.

BigW · 22/12/2013 20:40

Nope, no way. YANBU. No way on earth my DS would be going. Not in a million years.

MerryFuckingChristmas · 22/12/2013 20:42

I would say no to that too, and I would not give a shit if was BU or not

Me2Me2 · 22/12/2013 20:43

Yanbu
17 is young to be going out in london, esp if it's not where you live and therefore unfamiliar. I would be particularly against a long drive with a bunch of excited teenagers.
If she goes she should take the train at least

googlenut · 22/12/2013 20:44

No

OHforDUCKSchristmasCake · 22/12/2013 20:46

She is 17.

You cant ground her.

Its quite a funny notion. People dont seriously think they can stop a 17 year old going to a rave/whatever?

Was she asking your permission? More fool her!

Clobbered · 22/12/2013 20:46

YANBU.

Climbingthewalls12 · 22/12/2013 20:46

at 17 YANBU, she can't even drink legally if she was 18 I would say YABU as you have to cut the apron string at some point.

Original poster
Santababy40 · 22/12/2013 20:47

Thank you for your replies.

Sometimes is hard to know if you've made the right decision and she's obviously upset that I've said no!

To the person that said That I'm being unreasonable...I do let her do things.....she has been to a few festivals in the last year that I was anxious about but she went with college friends that I knew and these were organised events.

A rave is something entirely different.

I've told her to find some other friends to do something with closer to home for New Year. I feel that she has plenty of years ahead of her to do as she pleases.

OP posts:
TheMaw · 22/12/2013 20:47

Nope, YANBU.

Annunziata · 22/12/2013 20:47

YANBU.

fifi669 · 22/12/2013 20:47

You certainly can ground a 17 year old!

Ok not all boys that age drive like knobs but a lot do. Poss even your DS when you're not around?

AmberLeaf · 22/12/2013 20:48

I can see why you are concerned [Id be a bit worried about someone who'd been out all night driving home], but, YABU.

SantasTessTackle · 22/12/2013 20:48

Sorry, the people saying "she is 17" like it holds any weight HmmHmm

She's not an adult.
I assume she lives at home.
The idea is ridiculous!

No reputable place in London will let her in without I.D which means she was planing to go to a dive.

I'm a Londoner born and bred and went to some of these dives in my "youth" and there's no way in hell my DD would be doing the same at 17.

Yanbu

OHforDUCKSchristmasCake · 22/12/2013 20:49

Everyone thinks YANBU? Really?? Why?!

Im genuinely shocked! Im shocked by the OP its self and shocked but the responses.

She is 17.

Original poster
Santababy40 · 22/12/2013 20:50

OhforDucks....yes I'm aware I can't ground her and yes she was asking for permission. She has now said that she'll go anyway but I think when she calms down she won't go ahead with that.

OP posts:
OHforDUCKSchristmasCake · 22/12/2013 20:51

She is 17!

She is old enough to move out, old enough to have a child, and old enough to drive.

But you are seriously all saying she isnt old enough to go to a rave? (BTW the OP says rave, its probably just a warehouse party or a sleep over).

What if she was 17 years 11 months, you would all say YANBU but the day of her 18th birthday YABU?

AmberLeaf · 22/12/2013 20:51

Im shocked at you being ok with a festival but not a rave!

spiderbabymum · 22/12/2013 20:52

There is no way I would agree to that

candycoatedwaterdrops · 22/12/2013 20:52

How long has she known these friends? Is she familiar with London at all?

AmberLeaf · 22/12/2013 20:52

Yes, 'rave' now means something very different to what it did when I was 17.

Any chance of telling us the name of the 'rave' OP?

PlentyOfPubeGardens · 22/12/2013 20:53

If you've said no and she's respecting that, even if she's upset then well done! I think that's a sign of excellent parenting. On some level she values your opinion Flowers

YANBU to be concerned about her going. YWBU if you thought you could realistically stop her if she was determined to go.