Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to tell my 17 year old dd she can't go out.......

222 replies

Santababy40 · 22/12/2013 20:33

Hi all,

I'm a regular on MN but not been on here before. I've name changed also.
My 17 year old dd wants to go to a rave in London on New Years Eve! We live 4 hours from London. The friends she wants to go with are newish friends that I don't know, one of the boys is driving up and there are 2 others going with him and my dd also wanted to go in the car with them.
I have said no she can't go.

Am I being unreasonable??

OP posts:
chocoluvva · 22/12/2013 21:41

Can you find out more about it?

HesterShaw · 22/12/2013 21:41

Yes she is legally allowed to have babies, drive cars etc.

My mother's motto was, when I was under her roof, and she was still looking after me while I was in school, I did as I was told. That was until I left home for university

Was anyone else's mother the same in the 90s?

mrsjay · 22/12/2013 21:42

I would find out as much as i could about it tbh have you met these friends,

sooperdooper · 22/12/2013 21:42

I can't see a huge club being lax on ID on new years eve, it'll be part of their license agreement, they could all end up not being able to get in and having a wasted trip

raisah · 22/12/2013 21:42

Train, hotel/hostel/b&b then rave.

What happens if she is left stranded by the boys or attacked/ lost etc. She needs a safe base that she can go to afterwards if things get too much for her.

I personally wouldn't allow it as there's too much scope for things going wrong.

mrsjay · 22/12/2013 21:43

my mother was like that in the late 80s 90s, and i was like that with dd1 she was still under my roof under 18 etc etc, I was really strict don't see anything wrong with that ,

HesterShaw · 22/12/2013 21:44

Me neither, mrsjay, though how she did it was another matter

Original poster
Santababy40 · 22/12/2013 21:46

My thoughts exactly raisah...there's too much that could go wrong!

Reading thee Facebook link there were 10,000 people at the last event and they're hoping for 20,000 at this one!!!!

Hester...yes my Mum said the same while I was under her roof I lived by her rules!

OP posts:
Clargo55 · 22/12/2013 21:48

My mum was like that in the 90s. I then left home at 16.

From what I have been reading its 10,000 this year not 20. Entry is £15.

BerniceBroadside · 22/12/2013 21:49

I agree that the chances are that she won't get in without id. It's not like back in the day when you got your mate to snog the bouncer so you could all get in underage, so I've been told. /granny

What's the plan if she can't get in? It's not as if she can get home.

EBearhug · 22/12/2013 21:49

4 hours is a long drive, and a 17 year old cannot be an experienced driver, even without having a car full of excited teenagers with him. At this time of year, there's a good chance of it being difficult driving conditions, almost certainly dark. Then they're going to be driving back after partying all night, so they'll be tired, and there may be other tired or hungover drivers on the road, even assuming the driver your daughter will be with hasn't drunken a drop of alcohol or taken any drugs. Driving when tired is like driving when drunk or drugged, and it's not safe.

That's what would worry me most. But as other people have raised, there are issues about the lack of ID (even if she thinks it's not going to be a problem,) will they stay together if anyone can't get in because of ID? Are they sensible enough to handle any other problems that come up? Do any of the others have experience of being in London? It can be a confusing place when you're not used to it, especially if you're in crowds. Is she used to busy cities, even if not London?

And you don't know the friends - they may all be fine and sensible, but you don't know them, so you don't know this, and can't be sure they'll all look out for each other if things go wrong.

mrsjay · 22/12/2013 21:49

santa I am sweating just thinking about all those people in the middle of a field or somewhere

verytellytubby · 22/12/2013 21:50

How will you stop her?

I was raving at her age younger and lived to tell the stories.

sunshine401 · 22/12/2013 21:51

I lived on my own from 16 so I would say yabu.

HesterShaw · 22/12/2013 21:51

There's 16 and there's 16. There's 17 and there's 17.

I was a total child at those ages.

usualsuspect · 22/12/2013 21:51

I've never said 'while you are living under my roof' to any of mine.

It makes me cringe to read it tbh.

mrsjay · 22/12/2013 21:52

\i dont actually say it Usual with my hand on my hips Wink but my dd was still in school at 17 so she was still under my say so,

Clargo55 · 22/12/2013 21:53

It's a legal event. Organised by well respected names and is in a warehouse not a field.

However, I would be worried about the driving and I do not think she will get in without ID anyway.

usualsuspect · 22/12/2013 21:55

My DD was working full time at 17.

Original poster
Santababy40 · 22/12/2013 21:55

I don't suppose I can physically stop her from walking out the door and going but I really don't think she'll go if I've said no!!

I don't think it's been thought through properly. The boy who drives is actually 20 but I've never met him. He's travelled around the country a bit and doesn't seem to do a lot. That's another issue for me because she usually introduces me to all her friends and she hasn't been very forward with this one. He's not her bf, he has a gf who is also going.

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 22/12/2013 21:56

And what if her 'friends' abandon her? Are they actually 18? If they can get in and she can't what will happen? They are hardly going to turn around and set off home again.

She will be a 4 hour drive from home, in the middle of somewhere random in London with a load of people around who are pissed and drugged off their faces. It will be NYE and the chances of her being able to get on a train that will take her home will be slim to none.

Whoever said there would be adults there - yes there will be. Many having a good time with their friends, others looking out for young and naive men and women to take advantage of.

Over my dead body would any child of mine be going to something like that so far away from home.

Original poster
Santababy40 · 22/12/2013 21:57

My dd is quite a young 17. We live in small seaside town. I know some kids at this age are quite grown up and street wise and although my dd thinks she is she's not!!

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 22/12/2013 21:57

She's not a child though.

Hulababy · 22/12/2013 21:58

I lived at home at 17y and my parents supported me. I was still at school. So yes, I asked permission to be out late etc. I also respected my parents decisions,

I think it is different if a they are,living away from home and not being supported financially. But if you live in your parents home and they are funding your lifestyle then yes, you should respect your parents wishes and not just do what you like. If you want that level of independence leave home and get a job, support yourself.

AmberLeaf · 22/12/2013 21:58

So was I usual and had been for a year!

Swipe left for the next trending thread