AIBU to tell my 17 year old dd she can't go out.......

[Santababy40]

Hi all,

I'm a regular on MN but not been on here before. I've name changed also.
My 17 year old dd wants to go to a rave in London on New Years Eve! We live 4 hours from London. The friends she wants to go with are newish friends that I don't know, one of the boys is driving up and there are 2 others going with him and my dd also wanted to go in the car with them.
I have said no she can't go.

Am I being unreasonable??

YANBU and I bet she will be secretly grateful to you for saying no.

I'm a bit pissed off by the assumption that I didn't parent or support my teenagers.

Absolutely not. YANBU.

she's underage for drinking. So she's going to do something illegal.
Four teens in a car is a HUGE risk of an accident.

end of at that stage.

Yes I think yabu. She's 17, you have every right to worry but I wouldn't say no.

My DDad would gave grounded me at 17.

New Year at the local Rugby club and copious amounts of cider, babycham or gin no problem (under age in Mid Wales was 13 in the '80's)

London with possibly drunk unknown boys driving, not a chance.

I left home at 16,had a child very young and I would not let my dc go at 17.It's the driving back that would put me off,you are her mum its your job to keep her as safe as you can for as long as you can! I don't understand the people who are saying they have no control over their 17 year olds? Um,you should have if they are living under your roof.

Santababy, I also live in a small seaside town (as I said, about 250 miles from London) As much as my about to be 17 year old daughter is sensible and fairly streetwise, London is an entirely different matter...and its too far to get quickly if things go pearshaped!

You could book her a b&b nearby with details of taxi firms etc then she gets the train there and back in the morning ?

Monster.....I understand your point. She has been to festivals and has had a great time and stayed safe.
It's really the driving that I have an issue with and the fact that she really doesn't know the 'friends' she's going with. And obviously she's 17 and it's an over 18 event. She doesn't have fake ID so she might not get in and then she'd be sat outside all night!!

And I don't understand parents who control their 17 year olds

I would say it's more 'definitely drunk, probably taking drugs too' than 'possibly drunk' at this type of event.

Maddening you can't just call for a taxi in central London on nye. Even if you managed to get one you certainly wouldn't want your 17 year old daughter getting in it on her own.

OP I only read the first few posts and then was going to post exactly what you just said - it's the driving that would worry me most. Could you ever compromise and say she can go but on the train? Could you meet any of the friend's before the trip?

Maddening.....I'm not prepared to pay for a b&b and train fare plus taxis. Reckon that would be a minimum of £150!!

I wouldn't even go out in london on nye, so busy and as she has to travel 4 hours yanbu Seeing as they haven't even sorted a place to stay i would be worried, could end up sleeping anywhere.

The driving is a worry, but again, teenagers drive and drive like twats in tiny towns as well. If it's a well known event in central London their will be, bouncers, medics, police, street angels etc etc. I'd feel safer in London than in a small town.

I work for TfL and trains run for free all night. Station staff will be everywhere. Southwest trains/southeastern etc run an extended time table.

It's going to be a lot safer than you are imagining. And of she's got to 17 without seeing alcohol or someone on drugs then I'm Madonna tell her to take a jumper, cash and a fully charged phone and set her free.

there is no point in paying for a b N b anyay they wouldnt use it and if the friends left her then she would stillneed to get there by herself

Also, maybe google a map of where she is going and point out polie station/hospital/24hour macdonalds (safe and warm) closest train stations, pay phones etc etc. might put your mind at rest a bit.

Also, if they booked a hotel room it would need to be for new years day for them to actually get any sleep. Hotel chucking out time is generally 10/10 am isn't it? That's what time they'd probably be leaving the rave. So she wouldn't be back until the 2nd.

I have a 17 year old DD.
no fucking way.
HTH.

If it's legal, you would probably be able to find out where it is from the relevant Council. I wouldn't be quite as concerned if it was legal to be honest.
But, I'd still be worried about the drive and the what ifs. At the very least, I'd want her to think through &explain a contingency plan for the various scenarios that could occur (Ha! I can hardly believe I'm typing this when I think about the things I used to get up to!)

I can see it from both sides though, so am torn.

I hope she listens OP but, if she chooses to go despite your feelings, chances are she'll be fine. And, at least she's told you. I was lying all the time at that age about where I was and what I was doing.

I have a 17 year old daughter, and I wouldn't be comfortable with this. I wouldn't expressly forbid it, but I would tell her why I was concerned, and expect her to come up with modifications to the plan that would allay my fears (getting the train down, for a start), if she was determined to go ahead with it. She does tend to listen to me though, as I don't go in mob-handed, and she's a logical girl. I'd trust her at the event itself (obviously with informed caution about drink and drugs). It would be the drive that would bother me most.