AIBU to tell my 17 year old dd she can't go out.......

[Santababy40]

Hi all,

I'm a regular on MN but not been on here before. I've name changed also.
My 17 year old dd wants to go to a rave in London on New Years Eve! We live 4 hours from London. The friends she wants to go with are newish friends that I don't know, one of the boys is driving up and there are 2 others going with him and my dd also wanted to go in the car with them.
I have said no she can't go.

Am I being unreasonable??

My dd was given a lot more freedom when she turned 18, mainly because she could actually get in to the places she couldn't before (which I totally agree with, there is a damn good reason for it)

She hasn't gone "wayyhayyy partayyyy" she is still as sensible as she was before.

YANBU

NYE was shortly before my 18th birthday. Loads from 6th form went into the city. Some were 18, some looked old enough to get away with it, some had fake ID. My friend and I looked too young and couldn't pull off fake ID and by 10:30pm, we were on the train home. I saw in NY feeling rather fed up at my mum's house party of her 50+ yr old friends.

This was before places tightened up on ID, and Challenge 25 etc. (I still rely on ID in my 30s!)

Something local or a houseparty would be a much better plan.

Probably something to do with the fact she has now outgrown the "stupid" years of age 14/15/16.

Is there a difference between 17 and 364 days and 18 yo? Yes if there's a bouncer at the door requiring ID to enter.

Indeed.

I kind of agree with you not letting her go BUT you need to think it through.

It may well be that she just won't ask next time, I certainly wouldn't have, and you might be better off allowing her to go and having the knowledge that she'll always tell you. I was quite adept at doing exactly what I pleased and Mum and Dad being none the wiser.

And just remember being at University doesn't mean that she won't get in cars and travel for hours to go raving. It just means that you won't know when she gets home.

You can't stop her but you can advise her of the consequences.

She is 17 - rave is for 18yr olds - so illegal.
Mates will get in - they will not wait with her.
4 hrs away from home.

Completely different to a rave down the road. This is 4 hrs away on NYE with 3 friends she doesn't really know.

Where are her local/Sch mates?

I don't think you're being U, but it's the being 4 hours away rather than the rave that's bothering me.

If it was something happening near by it wouldn't matter too much if something went wrong but 4 hours away in london it could go wrong very easily if she gets separated from her friends or doesn't get let in without ID.

I might have missed it OP, but which club is the rave at? Most are super strict on ID.

Malovitt....That really is very kind thank you

How old are your teenagers?

I've spoken to her today and she understands my concerns but she doesn't think it's fair. One of the people going is a girl she has known for about 6 years and she is also 17. They are always falling out and infact they have fallen out again today so I'm not even sure my dd wants to go now!!

Someone asked what rave it is....it's Shindig.

Her local friends are either already 18 or they have fake ID, she says they're all busy but I suspect in a few days she'll be making plans with them!

When my dd was 16/17 she fell out with me loads of times for the sanctions I placed on her.

Now she is 18, we are best friends again

It's a phase, a rite of passage

She will find another good night out, and this time next week this "unfairness" will be forgotten

No, my DDs are 23 and 20 (today!) and I wouldn't have let them do this at 17.

They were allowed quite a bit of freedom at 17, as they do need to be more independent and get ready for uni. They went to festivals, into a london etc with friends/on their own, but they went by train.

I'd be very unhappy about them being driven for 4 hours by someone I didn't know very well.

*My dd was given a lot more freedom when she turned 18, mainly because she could actually get in to the places she couldn't before (which I totally agree with, there is a damn good reason for it)

She hasn't gone "wayyhayyy partayyyy" she is still as sensible as she was before.*

to all of in fact my dd is a lot more sensible than a lot of her friends who were allowed to do things under age

I would let her go, with the proviso she had the name and number of an adult in london she can turn to if things go wrong.

Have you any friends in London who would step in?

I have much younger cousins, and sometimes I ended up with them at mine when trips to London went a bit awry!

Does she have a job? At 17 I did ask my parents permission to do certain things. They paid gave me money each month. If it was something they objected to they wouldn't pay for it

Yanbu

mine too, mrsjay

my dd is the sensible one that holds hair back when others are spewing, turns them on their side, says "erm, is this a good idea", pulls her friends up on their crazy ideas and is generally a very sensible sort

she had her moments when she was 15/16 (unplanned house party anyone....?) but she knows we had her best interests at heart

I find it amazing how the majority of MNers bang on and on about age limits on video games and yet when there is an actual legal age limit they just ignore.
I would be very very worried about her being driven by and in a car full of teenagers.That would be the main thing for me.

Just spoken to my very club/rave-savvy teenagers who say that most fake ID won't wash with security nowadays.
They want to see actual passports - not photocopies or birth certificates - or a photo driving licence.
Last year, the one of mine who was underage got in by borrowing a passport of an older boy who looked very much like him and just got away with it.
Ask her what she intends to use for ID?

That's what I said two posts above yours, TheAwfulDaughter.

On a popular night like NYE though, there won't be a lot of spare ID to go round - I imagine most youngsters will be going out and will need their own.