To feel furious with childminder in hairdresser...

[flatwhite]

Having my hair cut at local salon. Sat at sink having hair washed. Little boy about 21/2 yrs sitting strapped in buggy facing me. Surrounded by a few toys(on sofa by buggy) and holding a little book and reading to self.
I assumed mum had gone to toilet (or would be back in a minute) and I started interacting with child whilst head back having hair washed.
Child smiled at me and held out book
As if he wanted to be read to.
Hair washer asked if I wNted him to beloved closer to me (obv assuming he was mine)
I Said he was not my child but remarked I good he was sitting on his own and amusing self given young age.
A lady then sat back and peeped head out from her seat where she was having hair done. She smiled and I asked if this was her son. I also said "it breaks my heart that he is not protesting to sitting on his own"
She smiled back and tolde she was his childminder "and not to speak too soon"
Then went back to getting hair done.
I felt rather sad (i admit even tearful) I am a bit of a softie given I am mum of 2 boys age 3 and 7M and still breatfeeding DS2. So poss set off my hormones.
But is it unreasonable to feel angry with this woman. If she was mum it would be bad enough - ok to bring child to salon but at least seat him so you can talk to him not so he us facing awY from you and all alone. But she is being paid to look after this child.
I haven't said anything as prob not appropriate and not fair on child to make minder cross but finding experience difficult!

Why would it break your heart? . He was amusing himself not being abandoned to cry.

Haircuts are something you do in your own time IMO and I'd be furious if mine did that.

Lazy cow!!

YABU - you are making assumptions. How do you know the mum isnt ill today and the CM had him at the last minute.....how do you know that mum isn't aware of this and wouldn't mind....lots of assumptions.

The beauty of CM's is they look after our kids in a family environment. Would you never take your kids to the hairdressers? I used to an no, I didn't interact with him all the time, it didn't kill him to sit there whilst I was having my hair done.

Obv this would piss some parents off but I used a CM for many years when DS was little and accepted the fact that sometimes he would not be the main focus of her attention.

It is a bit much if this made you teary and you found it hard.....maybe you have other things going on too

Hmmmm. I don't know if YABU.

Well I think YABU for it to break your heart. I'm pretty sure that the kid would have been fussing/shouting if he wasn't happy. And in my experience, small children like the environment in a hairdresssers: lots of noises, lights, people etc.

Also, one thing that is nice about childminders is that kids get to do 'normal' things and go out and about, to shops etc, as they would with a parent.

On the other hand, my little boy goes to a childminder, and I think I would a bit pissed off if she took him the hairdresser, simply because I'm paying £x/hour for childcare, not for her to get her hair done!

So on balance, I think YABU to be furious; YANBU to be questioning this.

Maybe. I think it's hard to describe if you are not here. Child leaning forward clearly wanting me to play with him and I'm
A stranger. Worse things happen to children I know.

No way is that appropriate for a childminder to do during working hours unless mum is fully aware & accepts the situation (although who's going to want to pay someone to care for their child when in reality they're having their hair done!!) that's what evening or weekend appointments are for

Why did you say "it breaks my heart that he is not protesting to sitting on his own"?

I'd be annoyed if my childminder was getting her haircut whilst being paid to look after ds. The other stuff tbh wouldn't bother me as the young man was happy to play on his own. My own ds has been fiercely independent since he was old enough to sit up, and gets very bored of constant interaction.

The childminder was UR for being in a salon while supposed to be working, that's not on.

But why would it break your heart because the child was happy to sit and keep himself occupied?

Betty makes a good point about asssuptions too. It is quite possible that this was an impromptu arrangement eg parent was ill. At the very least I would imagine CM asked the parents first

I would never be happy with CM
Taking my child to hairdresser!

He was clearly content. What is the problem?

You have no idea how much she has done or will do with him that day though?
He was reading a book not waiting to be sent up a chimney.

Sure could be impromptu. I thought of that immediately. But he seemed quite forlorn and forgotten about.
No stuff going on. Just breatfeeding and being a mum..

I wouldn't be happy with my child being taken to the hairdresser. I have cancelled my own hair appointments in the past due to not having childcare.

However the parents may be aware and are fine with it.

I think the cm is being unreasonable in taking a minded child to the hairdresser o have her hai done but yabu in your response to her, it was a bit over the top.

YANBU. This woman is being paid to look after the child - she should be doing that not having a hair cut. Who else would have a haircut while they are at work and meant to be doing their job (OK maybe some people but it wouldn't be good!).

Also does suggest that he is used to being ignored by her which is sad. Probably not heartbraking but not good either.

If it was his Mum would be OK because she may not have the opportunity to have haircut any other time. Although she could try to interact with him a bit while having it. But as this woman is being paid it's definitely out of order.

It reminds me a bit of (but is worse than) the childminders you see in soft play or other baby cafes completely ignoring the children and chatting to their mates over a nice comfortable coffee. Yes, fine to take them there, but you are childminder, not stressed out Mum that needs a break. You get off your arse and play with that child!

"it breaks my heart that he is not protesting to sitting on his own"

Lord knows what DD's behaviour as a baby would have done to you then. She screamed for around 30 mins of my hair appointment once before falling asleep in a snotty mess on the shoulder of one of the staff. That was the last time I had my hair cut for almost 2 years, when she started nursery.

As an aside what is the difference between a CM getting her hair done ,which is according to this thread not acceptable and a CM doing her supermarket shopping with her mindees in tow which on previous threads is seen as acceptable ? As regards the question asked by the OP ,I don't think its that sad and if you hadn't smiled at him he probably would have just ignored you ,he probably thought you wanted to play ,did you look bored?

Not sure really tbh. He was clearly happily occupying himself and had toys books etc. Kids interact with people regardless if whether they are on their own or with someone so not sure about the issue there.

On one hand you use aCM to give the homely family feel outside of your home. So shopping etc is part of that

On the other, well she could have gone any other time.

Hmm that's a tough one. I do think YABU to be furious but don't think YABU to be a bit sad. I get sad when I see people ignoring children sometimes too. But I am bf also and think that maybe the hormones contribute to this! I can sympathise and don't think as Betty says that you might 'have other things going on'.

My DS often looks forlorn and lonely.......he is the most indulged loved kid I know!

My colleagues go and have their hair done in their lunch hour sometimes.

My CM used to say she loved the kids, couldn't quite say the same as some of the parents of the kids, lol.....I wouldn't be a CM for all the tea in China.

I second that it could have been a last minute arrangement so cm said I can have him but he'll have to spend an hour at the hairdressers with me andmum agreed.
I think you're making a lot of assumptions.
Another scenario is lots of kids will only sleep in buggy, not in a cot at cms so he may as well drift off to sleep at hairdressers.

My hairdresser won't let kids under 10 yo sit in his salon.

You don't know the circumstances, but it's important that our Dc learn to behave in all kinds of circumstances, and going shopping, hairdressers etc are things that are part of life.