To feel furious with childminder in hairdresser...

[flatwhite]

Having my hair cut at local salon. Sat at sink having hair washed. Little boy about 21/2 yrs sitting strapped in buggy facing me. Surrounded by a few toys(on sofa by buggy) and holding a little book and reading to self.
I assumed mum had gone to toilet (or would be back in a minute) and I started interacting with child whilst head back having hair washed.
Child smiled at me and held out book
As if he wanted to be read to.
Hair washer asked if I wNted him to beloved closer to me (obv assuming he was mine)
I Said he was not my child but remarked I good he was sitting on his own and amusing self given young age.
A lady then sat back and peeped head out from her seat where she was having hair done. She smiled and I asked if this was her son. I also said "it breaks my heart that he is not protesting to sitting on his own"
She smiled back and tolde she was his childminder "and not to speak too soon"
Then went back to getting hair done.
I felt rather sad (i admit even tearful) I am a bit of a softie given I am mum of 2 boys age 3 and 7M and still breatfeeding DS2. So poss set off my hormones.
But is it unreasonable to feel angry with this woman. If she was mum it would be bad enough - ok to bring child to salon but at least seat him so you can talk to him not so he us facing awY from you and all alone. But she is being paid to look after this child.
I haven't said anything as prob not appropriate and not fair on child to make minder cross but finding experience difficult!

My son had to go with his childminder to the sick kids A&E department when her own child had an accident. It was only until her husband who is also registered, could get there to collect him. He had a ball. But another mum at nursery saw him being dropped off by a mum and started texting and phoning me at work to tell me this news. She wasn't happy at all.

But the only way I saw it was she did what she could in the situation.

Not sure what I'd have done in the hairdresser situation. But I wasn't too fussed with her moonwalk training as he was getting plenty fresh air and loved getting his lunch in the gardens before getting a train to nursery.

did you use the expression 'breaks my heart' in correct context OP, did you mean melts my heart?

there is nothing heartbreaking about a child sitting on it's own.

Last time I went to the hairdressers there was one mum with a screaming tot in a pushchair, and another one with a contented child about the same age.
I felt for the former mum as did the rest of the staff, as she was doing all she could to distract him. We all smiled because I think we all thought been there, done that.
I got a brilliant haircut at the end of the day and the noisy toddler just waved over me.

I wouldn't mind of my cm took the dc to the hairdresser. Dd and ds2 would love it. I'd wish her all the luck in the world doing it with ds1.
I actually kind of get what you mean about the amusing themselves being sad. I used to feel that way when dd was a baby and singing away to herself in her cot. Rationally I knew I was being ridiculous because she was quick enough to let me know when she wasn't happy with the arrangement. Now at 10 she still is a child that likes a bit of quiet time alone before she goes to sleep.
Ds2 would have sat nicely like that at that age. You are only ever allowed to play with him if he says so.
One of the things I like about a cm is the home from home daily routine it involves one of the things I dislike is they are now being forced to turn into little nurseries that have targets to meet and observations to be made. Ds2 likes his own thing.

YABU to be heartbroken however this isn't on IMO. In the past (not sure how long ago exactly) childminders were free to do whatever they wanted with the children they minded within reason just as they would with their own children. These days they have to follow the EYFS the same as nurseries do and have to prove to Ofsted that they are meeting the childrens needs and providing suitable activities. Hairdresser appointments are for times when you don't have minded children with you.

Actually think furious wrong word.
I've calmed down now. Just wanted child to be noticed.
He was sitting on his own with a book. He was not yet verbal. In a way would have felt better if he was protesting.
He was so good it was heartening.
But still maintain not really ok to take child to hairdresser if you are childminding. Accept mum may have had emergency.

I couldn't go to your hairdresser then Hissy if it's not child friendly.

How do you know she was a professional childminder? Lots of people I know will refer to themselves as childminding, even if they're only looking after a friend's dc for the day as a favour. Did you confirm the nature of her role?

And what the hell is wrong with a young child who's able and happy to amuse themself for a bit? Not all children require constant stimulation from their care giver. Plenty are very happy to take in their surroundings and play quietly by themselves every so often. Some even prefer it, just as done adults are more introverted than others. Saying that it breaks your heart is ridiculous.

You need to wind your neck in a bit and stop bring such a judgypants.

Flat my dd always wants interaction from a new person because she gets more than enough from me and she likes the novelty so please don't assume its because he gets ignored all the time. You've seen a tiny snap shot and you may be right that she's not the greatest cm then again it could also have been an emergency and the parent is fully aware.

going to the supermarket is different to the hairdresser though. Surely anyone can see that?

DC go to the supermarket and even if they are sat in the trolley you can still talk to them and ask them questions, point out the orange carrots etc, but in the hairdressers, sat on a chair by themselves for a long period of time, even a trim takes over half an hour, unless the express permission of the parents then this is unacceptable for any childcare professional.

Exactly youmake - the reason I chose a CM over a nursery when DS was a baby as because I wanted him in a family environment doing every day stuff. If I wanted him doing activities all day long I would have stuck him in a nursery. It did him no harm at all to realise he isn't the be all and end all and now at 11yo he is fab at amusing/entertaining himself if need be.

Youmakemydreams - pleased you at least empathise withy sadness.

a 2.5yo sitting quietly reading and playing with toys breaks your heart?
I think it might be the hormones?

Learning how to amuse oneself and play alone is an important milestone. I think he was probably quite happy and doing well. It's important for children to learn how to play quietly alone - and they like it. Not everything has to be full on in your face activity all the time. Don't you like some quiet moments to yourself in your day too?

Also if the CM is anything like me she would leave the 2yo while they are happy and have some activity up her sleeve for when they started to protest and want a change.

Wow weird reaction. I always take DC2 when I have my hair done, I laughed at the PP who said she cancels appointments if she doesn't have childcare - I have very little support so if I want a hair cut three times a year max I take my DC.

Maybe she wasn't actually a childminder? My friend looks after my DCs sometimes, she would say "he's not mine, I'm looking after him".

I don't think many people would choose to go to the hairdressers with 2yo if there were other options!

i agree with betty. children need a bit of neglect, so they can learn to occupy themselves sometimes. And being at the hairdressers, there were things to see. unless my childminder was planning to be there all morning, then I'd be fine with it. Mine also used to take them food shopping and to the doctors - all good learning experiences in my view.

any child that expects to be pampered to and kept entertained the whole time by an adult who is giving them full attention, would grow up to be a nightmare. how will that teach them self sufficiency and independance?

Mighty - respect
My 2yo would have to be asleep!

Is taking a toddler to hairsalon and facing him away from you with a book a good way to teach him world does not revolve around him? I agree taking him in car to do school run or having him sit and read while you attend to another child is a healthy experience for him but surely toddlers don't deserve this treatment.
Again I know this child is hardly a neglected or abused child and many children are far worse off. But his experience felt intrinsically wrong to me. It was a gut feeling I had.
I am prob a more emotional person then av to be fair but still going to stand by my feeling that this was wrong.
I do appreciate responses though

Well I cant say That I have been to have my hair done with my mindees (although I have taken them for a haircut on many occasions) but I have taken them with me for other things when the parent has been stuck for childcare and I am supposed to having my day off! Or if I have had an appointment when I should be minding but the parent has been unable to find alternative care.

My current mindee loves doing mundane everyday things or just doing nothing at all. Both are as essential as filling their time with activities.

Who knows what the scenario was in the OP situation. The child was happy so all was well.

To be fair, if I was in the hairdressers and there was a mum in there saying "ooh look Tarquin, what is this, is this a bird" and "ooh Tarquin, look at this other page, it's an elephant.....what noise does an elephant make" etc etc......it would piss me off, lol.

But then, I am not Mother Earth, love my DS to pieces, love my chillax time too.

Good job we are all different or this world would be such a boring place :)

I don't get why you'd be heartbroken or furious to see a child sitting contentedly reading, with a responsible adult nearby .

It's surely between the parents and the childminder whether she takes him to the hairdresser or not. You have no idea what arrangement they have, and really it's none of your business.

Ywbvu to say "it breaks my heart that he is not protesting to sitting on his own" like that. Who asked you for your judgement of the situation? Why did you feel the need to pipe up anything at all??

So everyone must do as you would, or they are somehow letting the child down are they?

Maybe she faced him outwards so he sould watch the goings on of the salon while he played? That's what I used to do when I took a buggy to the hairdresser.

If you'd have said that to me, you'd have wished you hadn't...believe me!

Massive overreaction. As stated by other posters she could be unpaid and doing a favour for a friend, supposed to have to day off but be covering in an emergency, or this could be the only chance to get her hair done in a while and mum is fine with that.
A little benign neglect can do children the world of good, stops them growing up needing constant stimulation. Did it cross your mind that the parents may have asked the CM to let the child amuse himself on occasion?